H O L O G R A M

Why oh Why

Josh Mendoza is a beast.

His teammates and Coach were in awe with the sudden change that they wondered what the heck happened. Josh is happier now, more at ease. He also smiled more and became more focused with all the drills and exercises they’ve been doing.

His speed also came back as if no injury happened. He became more cheerful. He talked to his teammates more compared to last week that he’d just silently practice with them. Coach was really positive about the change of heart and is hopeful it will continue even after the championship.

Josh was on his way out of the gym after practice when Coach Alfred approached him. “Mendoza!”

“Yes, Coach?”

“I was just..well..” Coach Alfred scratched his head, I didn’t really think through how to do this, Coach thought.

“Is there a problem?” Josh asked. Coach Alfred stared at Josh. He realized that maybe things have turned out much better. Maybe Josh already moved on with whatever feelings he had before for that girl online.

“No. Nothing, Just be safe. Okay?” Coach Alfred turned his away and went to his office at the back of the gym leaving Josh certainly amused. Coach Alfred was good with handling a basketball team, he has been doing this for twenty-years, however he was never good at talking about feelings.

Josh went home that night and his parents were both ecstatic to have dinner together. His parents talked to him about the overseas vacation that they have been planning, right after the championship.
His mother thought it was a great idea as a gift for him while his dad asked him if he wanted a car instead.

“Thanks Dad but I’d love to travel instead.”

“That’s wonderful! Where do you want to go, son?” His mom asked. Josh smiled and thought of the only place he wanted be right now,

“Let’s go to Singapore, Mom.”

After spending time with his parents with watching a movie, he went to his room and immediately turned on his laptop. He logged in on all his social media website as a habit but only stayed on one where he messaged Hanna.

He sent a meme showing a dog. He know she loves dog so much and were crazy over dog memes.

He immediately got a reply:

Awwww.. That is so cute <3

Just like you, J

It has been a week  from that night he confessed to Hanna. She came back to him. They continued to chat like before, sending random photos of each other but they never talked over Skype again.

Hanna, Can I see you?

Hanna sent a photo of her in bed with a book covering half her face. Her long hair sprawled on her white pillow. It followed a caption, I see you.

No, I mean. Video Call?

Josh waited.

Ten minutes after, he sent another message.

Hanna? You still there?

The green dot is still active on her name meaning she’s still online. Thirty-minutes, still nothing from Hanna. Josh sighed in exasperation. Am I moving too fast again?  Josh asked himself. Hanna called him before so he couldn’t find any fault in his idea.

One hour.

No Hanna again.

He finally gave up and messaged:

You could just say no.

He turned off his laptop then stripped of his shirt and jeans. He left his boxer shorts and put on a white shirt. He went to brush his teeth. As he is looking at his reflection in the mirror, he kept imagining his Hanna.

He went to bed that night with a head full of Hanna’s image. He took his phone then attached an earphone to it. He listened to music as he tried to drown Hanna in his thoughts.

I felt the coolness of the grass under my feet. When I opened my eyes, I saw her. Seated on a swing, dressed in white as she goes higher and higher in the air, I could only see her back. I tried to move but I couldn’t. Her hair mesmerized me. Her arms holding the metal chain of the swing glimmered in the dark of the night. She slowly halted, using her feet to break the momentum.

Eternity came swiftly while she moved from the swing to me. I fixed my eyes on her as she glided across the grass, her eyes danced as she looked at me. Hanna. Hanna. Hanna. My mind chanted and my throat parched in need of her.

Suddenly, I found myself underwater.

I swam up for air.

I exhaled roughly, catching every possible breath. I looked around for Hanna. I called out her name. I desperately tried to swim to the edge of the pool but my arms and legs grew heavier.

I was sinking.

Sinking to the depths of the blue water.

Then I saw Hanna reaching out for me. I took all of my strength to grab her hand and when I did she pulled me upwards then let my hand go.

I saw Hanna slowly sunk deep in the darkness.

Josh woke up screaming. He was soaked in sweat. He was terrified of the dark that he scrambled on his feet to light up the room. He was pacing back and forth, clutching his head.

It was just a nightmare, Just a nightmare. Calm the fuck down.

His phone pinged. He grabbed it hoping it was Hanna.

It was. She sent a photo the moon with a caption.

For the night is dark and full of terrors.

Another reference, he message her back,

I had a fucking nightmare. Talk to me.

Few seconds later, He got a reply.

Are you okay? Go and drink water.

I don’t want fucking water, Hanna. I want to talk to you. Why don’t we video call? Why can’t I call you? We’ve been chatting for months now! I just wanted to hear your voice! See your face! Why the fuck can’t we do that?!

He rapidly typed every damn word. He could almost break the screen of his phone. He was upset, confused and disappointed. He was hurting so bad. He wanted assurance that this is real.

When he finished, he threw his phone in bed and then slammed the door of his closet. His phone rang.
He sat on the edge of his bed and grabbed the phone. He smirked when he saw Hanna on the screen.

Do I have to get mad to get to you? Josh thought.

Josh answered the phone and said,

“Hanna,”

“I’m dying, that’s why.”