I bolt awake, anger flooding me and draining away just as quickly while I peer through the dark that surrounds me. Hollowness follows me everywhere I go, no matter how far I try to run or ignore it. It comes. It follows me like a hungry beast waiting to devour. Often I give in. It’s easier than fighting, it’s better just to give up, so the dark swallows me and the emptiness reigns.
I swing my legs out of the bed and without realising it I find myself next door staring at Kayleb’s sleeping face. He looks so peaceful. I show emotion for his benefit, it hurts him to see me this way but as much as I want to let myself feel the emotions that I allow to flicker across my face, I cannot. It’s not possible the walls around my heart are too thick only the worst of my emotions trickle through. The dark in me that I have given in to, it only allows the worst. My fingers find the ridges in my skin and trace their patterns up my arm, resting on the letter on my shoulder. Memories fill my mind.
Holding tight to Suri we rode as hard and as fast as the horse could go. The wind whipped my hair back and I clung tighter afraid I would fall and be left behind. The world blurred and changed too quickly for me to tell where we’re going and when I asked the only reply was ‘somewhere safe’. ‘Safe’ the word felt foreign and strange in my head as if I had already forgotten the meaning even when only two short days ago it was all I had ever known. Loss and pain conquered my heart until it was all I felt and fear still pervaded every part of me, both uncontrollable and unstoppable.
Days passed and I said nothing. Suri became worried as I refused speak and I jumped at the sound of a twig breaking. This is what the fear had reduced me to. My six year old brain stretched to breaking point and snapped. Black engulfed me and I saw the dark beckon. It promised an end to the fear, the end of the pain that filled my heart. I hesitated, unsure. I was tired of feeling fear and pain. It was reason enough for me so I gave in.
The dark took over and my feelings ceased to exist.
Blinking I come back to the present slightly dazed at the remembered emotions that I should feel but do not. Silently I leave the room. I haunt the earthen corridors for the rest of the night, a ghost flitting from shadow to shadow, barely within the realms of existence.
YOU ARE READING
Discovering Freedom
Fantasia12 year Tamarack has conquered and ruled the country with an iron fist. For 12 years Kyra has hidden. Now she's had enough of his terrible reign. She leaves the stone hallways within the mountains and embarks on her fight for freedom for her country...
