Behind Closed Doors [1D FanFic]

[8] Life, The Enemy

*MAY BE TRIGGERING*

Estelle's POV

Weight of 65lbs that's goo-

What are you talking about? your so fat! do you see all of the rolls and jiggling mess hanging from your bones? your to fat to be comfortable with your weight you fat bitch I hear my demons say in my mind, making my head cramp in pain

"Estelle?" Harry asks

"Yeah..." I say trying not to show pain

"I heard you screaming, what happened?" He asks

"My head, it hurts" I say gripping into my hair

"Pace yourself, it's ok, the pain will stop eventually" He says like he knows what he's talking about

"You don't know that" I say

"I do, the pain can't last forever"

"It can, you don't know Harry"

"Do you want to go to a doctor?" He asks

"Not really" I say

"Ok, but if it get's worse I will take you" He says leaving my room

I need release, I need to feel something, I need to stop the thoughts I don't know how much longer I can do this...

I walk to the bathroom, turn on the shower and get inside, not caring that my clothes are getting soaked by the running water. I take my blade and run it across my wrists opening some previous wounds, I look at my thighs and see nothing but fat, I feel nothing but guilt and shame. I push down on my thigh watching the flowing blood hit the tile floor watching the water turn red in color, I keep slicing across my upper thigh knowing that no one will ever see them here

I get out of the shower and put on a long sleeved black dress thats covering my fresh cuts that have stopped bleeding. I head down stairs and see the boys all sitting around the couch

"Hey guys" I say happily putting on an act

"I like your dress" Zayn says

"Watch it Zaynie, you have a fiancé" Louis reminds him

"So what is happening today?" I ask

"We are doing a just chilling and we will go out for dinner in a bit" Niall says jump attacking me making me fall on the couch

"STOP TICKLING ME!!"I yell as he is sitting next to me

"INTENSE TICKLING!" Niall yells sitting on my legs so I can't get up

"NIALL STOP!" I yell in pain as he sits on my cuts "NIALL!"

"What?" He asks moving away from me

"It's nothing" I say Niall looking at my worriedly

"NO MORE CONCERTS!" Louis yells

"I CAN FINALLY SLEEP!" Liam screams

"What-?" I ask

"We are heading back to London today" Harry tells me

"So I can't stay with you guys?" I ask

"It's fine Elle, your just going to go back to your dad" Zayn says

"I CAN'T!" I yell

"Why not?" Niall asks

"It's uhh... nothing, but how am I going to keep in touch with you guys?" I ask

"Take my phone" Niall says with a smile taking my hand and putting his phone inside

"I can't take your phone Niall" I say trying to hand it back