Caught in-between #Wattys2016

Positive

There was no mistaking the result. The two pink lines appeared almost immediately, dark and accusing.

Joe's voice sounded as if he were speaking to me from a great distance, through a tunnel. His polite knocks against the bathroom door had become bangs now; heavy and impatient.

"Cassandra? Honey? Can you let me know what's happening? He asked, fear uncharacteristically tainting his tone of voice.

I'd silently locked the door as soon as I'd taken the test. I hadn't known what else to do. There had been no tears, no dramatic breakdown. I blinked slowly at my reflection studding my pale face. My cheeks had become hollow; something I had failed to notice in the past few weeks. My freckles had diminished almost in response to the shock, and my usually bright eyes dimmed over. Life had intrinsically changed in the last 10 minutes. My drama filled chaos now seemed incredibly futile. I was having a baby...

I was going to be a mother. The dread that I assumed would arise from the knowledge was still yet to surface. My apprehension had been replaced with a sense of calm, only the queasiness had remained.

"Please let me in Cass...you're killing me out here."

I closed my eyes. Albeit, I didn't feel dread about the growing ball of cells planted in my uterus, but the guilt of what I had done to my relationship remained. I had begun the day with a clear understanding of what I'd planned to do, but now I was at a loss.

I unlocked the bathroom door, and it swung open as Joe burst into the room.

He spotted the test laying on the kitchen sink, and I watched his eyes widen, his mouth slowly forming a perfect circle as he registered the two positive lines within the test window.

"Oh my God" He gasped. "Holy Shit...you're pregnant?"

I nodded.

"I can't believe it..."

"Well, I didn't draw that second line in there" I said trying to make light of the situation.

"I just can't believe it Cass. It's a....a miracle. I just thought it would have happened before now what with how crap we are with being careful...and when it didn't, I assumed we couldn't...not without help anyways."

"Yeah, me too"

Joe picked up my hand and kissed it softly.

"As if you hadn't already made my world amazing Cass"

I blinked back tears of all consuming guilt, which Joe mistook for happiness, and allowed him to bear hug me. Not that I wasn't happy, I was more grateful than anything else. I was about to enter a stage of life I had long accepted that I would not experience. Motherhood, a mother, me. If my choice was to be between Adam, Joe or the baby, the baby would win every time.