Caught in-between #Wattys2016

Throwback

By the time we arrived at the gardens, the hot sun was high in the sky and I was starting to regret wearing so much black. Joe was providing me with an in-depth description of a sculpture created by one of his most talented students, Amelia. Usually I would be enthralled by such a tale; but today I could barely catch his words as I scanned the park frantically. 

We made our way over to a huge aged sessile oak tree to the far left edge of the more natural part of the gardens which was scattered with wild flowers and tall grass. Joe and I had always loved this tree.

 Joe laid a huge red and black checked blanket on the grass and tuned his portable radio, picking up the latest cricket match. He turned to look up at me, ‘You don’t mind do you babe? It just that I can’t miss this one’ He smiled at me apologetically. ‘If you must’ I smiled thinly at him, but he didn’t seem to notice my lacklustre demeanour. I sat down and scanned the park quickly but thoroughly. ‘Will you stop for just one minute’ Joe asked. I turned to face him slowly. What had he meant?

‘Stop what babe?’ I asked innocently unscrewing the lid to a bottle of water that I had pulled out of my bag. ‘Stop thinking about work’ Joe shrugged. ‘I want you to myself today. You’re so busy and distracted by the exhibition, it’s like you’re never really present.’

I stared at Joe in shock. He’d noticed a lot more than what I gave him credit for. I felt the threat of tears start to approach and looked down at my hands which were folded in my lap. ‘I’m sorry’ I mumbled. I was apologising for much more than being distracted. Joe laughed, ‘don’t worry bout it Cass. It’s no biggie. You’re an artist, always intense. It’s what I love about you’ Joe replied as if stating a matter of fact. He took my hand and pulled me towards him as he lay back on the blanket.

I lay across his chest and stared out across the garden. I watched the grass sway softly in the gentle breeze and slowly relaxed. The relief I felt at Adam’s absence was bittersweet, marred with disappoint; although I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t want to see Adam, he was like a drug for me. I quite literally craved him. I sighed. Everything was so much simpler with Joe, and that gave me some comfort.

I closed my eyes and listen to Joe’s breathing as it became slow and heavy. I realised that I had missed coming here with Joe. I missed our picnics, our talks, our naps; all taken place under the cover of our favourite tree. This moment was heavily reminiscent of when Joe and I first started dating. I smiled to myself.

Even though I’d been with Joe for nine years, I had officially known him for twice as long. He was such an easy character; he’d become my best friends before anything else.

Joe and I had grown up in the same neighbourhood, not that I’d really noticed; Joe was a year younger than me and we hadn’t shared the same group of friends. I'd hung around more with his older brother, Tom, when we were kids. Whenever I had seen Joe, I’d thought he was cute in a childlike kind of way; he had looked much younger than he was at the time.