Late Night Thoughts

Fall (ing)

You know those nights as a child where you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed. At first your parents don't tell you it was them, you just believe that everything that was meant to happen, will happen, and has happened.

Everything that has happened to you and will happen to you, you deserve.

That time you got molested by your babysitter.

That time you got raped by your boyfriend.

That time you got attacked on you're way home.

You deserved all of it. And you would think that after all that something good would come of it right? Wrong.

If something can go wrong, something will go wrong - everything will go wrong.

You didn't deserve that temporary happiness you felt when you were with your friends, or when you got your first dog.

That's why all your friends left and your dog got ran over. It's just how life goes.

You're born, you suffer, you die. Some people believe that you re-live that suffering over and over again. I call it hell, a new life to be optimistic only to have every one of your hopes and dreams burned to ashes right in front of you.

You will leave this world the same way you came into it; alone. So there's no need for friends, for companionship. They'll leave you for someone better or die. And it will be your fault, completely and utterly your fault.

But this time when you fell asleep on the couch, instead of cuddled up in a blanket with a teddy bear to keep you company. You sleep under a shroud of depression, with only your doubts to keep you company.

Returning to the pit of despair and depression lurking pm the surface of your heart. And yet it is so easy to trust others and forgive. Because even a lesser darkness is light.