● Illusory ●

Chapter 8

Alex

Shit. I think I'm having health problems.

Though, I'm not sure if it even is a health problem. Tell me, is it normal to have your pulse accelerate when a person speaks? To have your face become warm when said person speaks of you? To become much more nervous than usual when said person touches you? Maybe stress is getting to me, or I'm just going absolutely crazy.

I'd like to talk to someone about my problem, but I'm afraid it'd just come out as a panicked scream and everyone will think I'm being killed. It's usually what happens when my emotions are overwhelming, that or I just scream in my head. Yeah, that happens more often than just audibly screeching. I don't want people to question my sanity.

I don't think I should talk to Seiko about it at all. It wouldn't be a good idea, because the only outcome would be one of two things. One, she'll continuously question who it is that is making me feel like I'm about to die of a freakin' heart attack. Two, if she found out who exactly it was I'm afraid I'd either feel extremely embarrassed or simply wish to fade away from existence. No one needs to know, right?

It's even worse because it's someone I talk to everyday. I mean, I act normal and everything, but on the inside I'm more anxious than anything. It's almost as if this anxiety is drowning out my earlier depression, but it doesn't make it any better! No! It just made everything worse! It always does! That's how everything works, right?

Ugh, why did this have to happen now!? Why'd I have to get attached to someone!? What does this even contribute to my life!? They were just fine as a friend, right? Why does my heart have to make things more than they should be? I was just fine being in love with food.

I finally decided to get up from where I lay on my bedroom floor, deciding to try and move through the day without it bothering me. Though, I knew it was going to haunt me regardless. How do you cover up your obvious nervousness? How do you suppress your feelings? How do you stop feeling for someone who more than likely doesn't feel the same way back?

I thought I knew how, but I really don't. It's times like this that I wish I could still ask my mother for help.

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I decided to walk past the weight room that Nadine had installed in the building not too long ago, spotting my reflection in the glass that let us see into the room. I was surprised to find the windows weren't tinted today. Maybe no one's inside.

I decided to peek in through the door, finding only Nadine inside, pummeling a punching bag as she alternated between her fists and feet. It was unusual for any of us to ever see Nadine wearing anything other than a crisp white shirt and pencil skirt, so I felt like I was looking at an entirely different person. Then again, I have to remember that this woman is the person who taught me how to defend myself. She wore this exercise outfit every day she trained me. It shouldn't be anything new. 

Seeing as there was nothing else to catch my eye here, I decided to step back out into the hallway, only to run right into someone who was standing behind me. I turned around immediately, seeing that Yuuko had been staring inside too, and I had just bumped into her. She looked a little peeved, but moved away from me before I could say sorry. She only hid behind the door frame again, staring inside as her cheeks became pink. I noticed that her eyes were locked on Nadine, and I didn't even need a guide to tell me what was going on here. Against my better judgment and knowing that karma will get me later for this, I decided to speak up.

"You have a thing for Miss Nadine, don't you Yuuko?" I asked, smirking. Seiko's sister looked up at me immediately, her face flushing as she rose to her feet. She looked peeved once again.