Pure love & the pain {lesbian story}

Chapter 10. ' ! & ? '

Her presence in my room and her hand in my hand gave me so much strength and so much happiness that I started to know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by joy.
But the warmth left me as she tore her hand away from mine.
Sitting there I silently hoped that she didn't shut herself down.
"I don't want to talk about Josh.", she said it so serious, it left no room for me to try and convince her.
"Honestly, I don't wanna talk about any of that when I'm with you. Let's make it a deal, okay? We don't talk about Josh, and you can choose something that I can't ask you about, is that okay?", her voice had softened up a bit and felt my body fill with relief.
"Okay, deal.", I replied.
"So what's the thing that's tabu for me to ask about?", she asked again, assuming that I forgot to tell her.
But in reality there just wasn't something that I couldn't trust her with. I wasn't like this usually. I didn't trust anyone other than Zayn, I didn't trust Jesy that much either, but I knew that I had no choice but to trust Perrie.
There was no choice, because I loved her.
It was weird actually, but it was like she was my other half, so I couldn't lie to her or keep anything from her if she wanted to hear it. If you'll ever be in my situation I'm pretty sure you'll understand what I wanna explain, but fail to do.
Again, I am definitely very very very dumb. Especially if it's love related.
"I don't think that there is something I wouldn't tell you about. Maybe I wouldn't tell you all the details but I also wouldn't just not talk about it. After all that's why you wanted to talk to me. To find out things about me, right?"
She stared at me surprised and thought about what to answer.
"So there's nothing that would make you uncomfortable?"
"Not really.", I said, surprising myself, all over again. What are you even doing Jade?
Sighing, I watched her intensively and waited for her to say something.
"Okay, then.. Then you can.. You can ask me one question about Josh that I'll answer..but..just one please."
Well, I did not see that coming.
"Are you sure about it?", my mouth opened and asked this before I could even stop it and I wanted to punch myself. She was willing to let me ask her something very personal and I was questioning it, which could maybe make her change her mind.
"Yes.", she leaned back, her head resting against the wall.
My mind was racing and I had no idea what the question I wanted to ask was.
I had many, so I guess that was the problem.
"Do you love Josh?", the question slipped out and I wasn't sure if I wanted to slap myself or not. Probably both.
She didn't even seem to think about it, as the answer came out right away.
"No, never have, never will."
That's the moment I started to feel hope creeping up. It was good to know she wasn't in love with him. But it was weird. This was very weird. Why was she with him? Why was the beautiful woman sitting in front of me, dating a person that she didn't love? Didn't she know that she could find somebody that loved her and whom she could truly love? And I don't even want to point at me, I want to point at other people. She was a beautiful person. Her eyes were the kind of blue that you miss when the skies turn grey in the fall. Her hair was radiating a silverish colour, and fell beautifully on her shoulders. She had a body sculpted by God in person, the outline of her breasts were visible as she wore a tight top without straps, they could fill each hand and you'd probably never stop touching and kissing them. She had long legs, a bit thicker thighs than I had, and fuck I would've done anything to have them on each side of my face. Her ass looked inviting when she walked in front of me in school, wearing tight skinny jeans. She had the body of a Goddess, and putting that aside, she was a woman that anyone would be lucky to be with, because of who she was. That joyous girl, that never stopped laughing, and dried her tears the moment they started flowing already. She bought food for everyone, always, (school cantina sucks, we all know that). She hugged everyone, smiled at everyone, greeted every single person. She was respectful to teachers, to the janitor, to the ones in school that judged her and maybe also called her names. She didn't yell, ever. She was what you would call the definition of dream girl. She deserved someone who would be able to see that and love her for everything she was.
Back to what was actually happening. Not knowing what to answer I just nodded.
She looked at me and I could feel her stare burning into my skin, making shivers appear on my body. It was intimidating but in the most comfortable way ever.
"Can I ask you something?", she then asked.
Slowly nodding I put my legs on my bed and layed down on my stomach, holding myself up with my hands on my chin.
"Why did your mother beat you up this badly? Was it the first time? Will she do it again? Does Zayn know it?"
"Quite a lot of questions, don't you think?", I asked her, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry.", her voice was so quiet, you could barely hear her.
"It's okay anyway."
I took a deep breath and started telling her about it.
"My mum is a homophobic bitch, so that's why she did what she did. It definitely was not the first time, but it was one of the worst times, 'cause I thought that I'd die. She won't be able to do it again. And Zayn knows everything."
The surprised look she had written on her face gave away that she didn't think I would answer these questions.
"Homophobic? You have a homophobic mum?"
Perrie was genuinely surprised.
"Do you feel like it's too impossible to be real? Homophobic parents exist and they hate their gay children. They abuse them in so many ways and hurt them every day. They yell, and curse, call you names, and fuck you up physically. Usually they also kick you out. I was lucky enough to not be kicked out."
"It's so stupid. Every parent is talking about how they love their children unconditionally and will always do it, but then they come out as gay and suddenly you forget that unconditional love? What is wrong with them? How out of your mind do you have to be, to act like this and treat your children like this? Who do they think that they are? This just surprises me every time I hear about it. And now ...knowing that you've been through this too..", she stops talking and closes her eyes.
"It's unfair. You deserve a mother that loves you. You deserve that so much. This makes me incredibly sad. I could never do this to my child."