Lost But Not Forgotten (NaNoWriMo 2013)

24.

Hiya! I haven't posted more of this story in forever but after Nanorwimo ended, I though i'd give it a rest for a while. i almost decided to stop writing it but Im determined to finish this! Half of this chapter was written at the end of November and half just now. I know it sucks :P I'm hoping that I can finish it soon! I feel that I'm slowly imprivng in my writing but it still is not good :P this is just a first draft without any editing or anything like that. so I hope u like it!

24.

I’ve been here for days now, occasionally, someone comes in to give me some food and water. It’s usually some disgusting mush that would probably make me sick if I ate it so I don’t touch the food, I just drink what they give me with tastes like water.

The guards that watch me say that the chief is coming in tomorrow and that when the torture will start, I’m terrified.

Every inch in my body hurts so much that it’s a struggle to do something as simple as breathe; I’m so lonely that I just want to be shot and done with. I can’t even keep my eye open, everything is just so fuzzy in that one, and I’m really worried that I might be blind. Why do they have to hurt me so much? It’s already hard enough to go day by day knowing I’ll never see my family ever again and even worse, knowing that soon I won’t be myself again, that I’ll just be some robot with no feelings or memory of anything!

Why can’t they just kill me? It isn’t that hard, just the pull of a trigger and boom, I’m gone. I’ll be happy then, I’ll get to see Mama and Papa and we can live happily in heaven with the care of god.

 I’ll be able to look down on Beth and Jesse, visit them in their dreams and make sure their okay. I can’t do any of that here, lying on the ground, slowly and painfully dying. Everyone is probably worried sick by now; they probably have already given up and accepted that I’m dead.

I think my brain is going crazy; I’m starting to get hallucinations about things I know would not be there, my mom, Beth, Jesse. Seeing them makes my heart slowly tear itself into bits.

 I’ve stopped seeing Mama in my dreams and instead I am just plagued with endless nightmares that never seem to stop so I try not to sleep which just seems to make my health even worse. Every dream I have is something to do with Jesse being stabbed, shot, there were endless versions. Each one I had to suffer through carved a small hole in my heart and by day three I can barely keep myself together.

I dream so vividly that I am convinced it is real, this just makes everything worse. I know I am slowly and painfully dying and there is nothing I can do anymore to stop it. My mind and soul is gradually tearing apart, I just want to die, and then I can be peaceful and live in harmony with all the people I have lost.

Cameron. His name sticks in my mind as I lie on the cold hard floor, writhing with anger- no, not anger, just pain, the pain I felt when he betrayed me even after everything we’ve gone through.

A part of me wants to forgive him, after all, he did stop spying for the robots just before the town was bombed but the other me wants to throttle him because he is the reason my mother and father are dead, he is the reason why I am here. If Cameron had just stayed out of my life, then maybe everything would be okay.

 But it’s not.

My body and mind eventually succumb to the exhaustion and I slowly fall unconscious even though I try so hard to cling on, I know I said I want to die but my mother, my father died to keep me alive and I promised myself that I would fight for them because dying when I’m so close is just an insult to them.

***

“Wake up!” the loud grunt almost breaks my eardrums as I desperately struggle to get up. I barely am able to open my eyes before I am forced to my feet, when I do, the light blinds me for a few seconds but my eyes eventually adjust to the brightness.

Two guards like last time stand before me but these two are different. They are both men, dressed in a long sleeved black shirt, long black trousers and both carry guns the length of my arm. The one farthest from me stand six feet tall, his hair is brown and her looks particularly strong and his shirt outlines his stomach muscles. After I survey his body, I pluck the courage to look up, he looks younger than any of the other guards, too young, probably only slightly older than me, his face looks soft and kind like he wouldn’t dare to hurt even the weakest fly but I know better than that, he’s probably a trained killer but those eyes, so blue and gentle, beg to differ. As I stare more deeply into them, I suddenly get a feeling like someone has punched my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. I stumble to the floor as the guards look at me with confusion, at first I am confused as well but I then realise how much the guard looks like Cameron, almost identical. It hurts so much to see anything that resembles him or our love.

I am then hauled out the room and out onto the corridor, it is strangely empty unlike the last time. Where has everyone gone? I can barely walk, instead I limp, I am unable to keep a steady pace but the two guns being held on my back encourage me to move forward even though the pain makes it feel like a thousand knives digging into my nimble body all at once.

Every step I take sends an agonising throb through my body, surely my foot is broken as well as my arm. I can feel the cloth of the clothes I wear pressing against me, threatening to suffocate me.

The hallways are so white that it hurts to set my eyes on anything; it’s too clean here, like a sterile hospital. I don’t know where we are going but I do know it’s in the opposite direction to where I was before I got transported to me cell.

“Where are we going?” I whisper the young guard on my right, it’s barely audible but judging by the look on his face, he heard me.

 It takes him a few seconds before he opens his mouth again and I am afraid that he will hurt me. But he doesn’t, instead he replies as kindly as he can. “Um, the interrogation chamber”, he tries to make the place sound as non scary as something like that can sound but I know it is just another word for “torture chamber”.

I shiver at the thought of knives being pressed into me, the ear rattling screams. And I can’t bear the thought anymore. I stop and throw up all over the pearl-coloured tiled floor, everything thing I’ve eaten in the past few days come out and when I am done, my stomach is empty.

The older guard yells something in my face I cannot make out but before I take notice in anything, his gun-free fist come flying towards me and collides with my chin, knocking me into the wall and my head slams against it making everything go fuzzy. He continues shouting as I whimper like a small dog; I use my hands to shield myself as I curl up in the corner.  

The shouting suddenly stops and I open my eyes to see the older guard stomping off down the corridor while the young guard puts his hands on me and carefully helps me up. I struggle a small smile to show my gratitude but I don’t hold it for long before my face drops again, I am in too much pain to be happy but still grateful for this man. Maybe not all robots are so bad.

“My name is Theo, I’d get you out of here but even I don’t know where the exit is” he tries to make it as a joke but it just makes me sink even more.

He then places his gun in his pocket after determining that I’m not a threat. This time we go at my own pace and he attempts to strike up a conversation with me but I don’t really want to talk, especially not to the person that is probably leading me to the room where I will die. Once they’re done with me, the robots will most likely execute me and dump me in some sort of trash bin like I’m nothing.

Ten minutes later, we arrive at a still white door labelled ‘Interrogation Chamber’. The guard smiles grimly at me and steps back as I open the door to go in.

I walk in.

It is not what I expecting.

Its far worse.