Lost But Not Forgotten (NaNoWriMo 2013)

16.

At around seven pm, the two of us headed back to where the others were. We returned just in time for dinner, we had potatoes and peas, something that wasn't the usual but I loved it. The stench from the bear had gone and it had disappeared somehow. When we got back, Cameron was worried about what the others would think of him but it was like it never happened, everyone seemed to joyful and happy.

We ate our dinner singing songs in front of the fire, I was nestled between Jesse and Cameron, all of us had great large smiles on our faces and I felt so over joyed. I guess there is always a small flicker of hope in a room full of darkness, we all try and bring out the best in each other.

Once again I could forget all the troubles that plague my mind most if the time. We talked loudly and danced to each other's voices, it was like we were having a feast.

The food was incredible, I, like so many others love potatoes and we can easily grow them in the town but while I ate there was a part of me that bugged me. Soon our food would run out, then what? We can't all just starve! I know Jesse is hoping we would find another town full of survivors but we all know that there is a very low chance, almost impossible. Even if we do make it to Canada, our food would have depleted so much we would have only a few scraps and crumbs left and there isn't any guarantee we'll find anything in Canada.

Whatever we do, we're bound to be doomed.

"Desert?" Cameron says with his mouth full, his voice snaps me back to reality and I realize he is holding out a bowl of fruit, waiting for me to take one.

"No thanks..." I say and he passes it along to Jesse who kindly takes a large portion. I have to admit, I love fruit but I'm just not that hungry, I'm too worried about everything. I always worry and I need to stop!

Everything is so much for me now. Ever since the war started, I've been restless, I can't be a kid or act like one, it's like I'm the adult who has to take care of everyone I love. The pressure can sometimes crush me.

I have to act strong yet I am so vulnerable. I am kind of like a snail, I've got a hard shell on the outside, but inside I am delicate.

Snowflakes fall around me slowly, it's so beautiful, I can see each individual snowflake if I concentrate hard enough, they are so intricate and no two are the same. I hear all the other kids around me gasp as they try and grab some of the snowflakes but only to find that they melt in your hand.

I remember the first time I had touched snow, we were all on holiday in Norway visiting Aunt Diane (who later died due to a long battle with lung cancer). I was five at the time, even though it was so many years ago, I still remember it crystal clearly as if it were yesterday. We ad arrived very late in the night, it had been snowing for months by then but I had fallen asleep before I was even able to get a glance at the snow. The next morning I woke up and was shocked at the thick white blanket that covered everything in sight. I found it so pretty that I'd spend all day playing in the snow until my clothes were soaked and the garden had been cleared of all of it. I as a young girl found the white stuff so fascinating and weird but now, snow is an everyday occurrence for me and I barely even notice that it's there. I no longer enjoy playing with it, I can't do it without breaking down or having flashbacks. The last time I had played in the snow was with Mama when she was healthy and new, when she still had the red in her cheeks and the glint in her eyes.

Mama, having grown up in Texas down south, never enjoyed the sub zero temperatures but she adapted well and made use of the time, she would spend any spare time she had with us and most if that was playing in the snow. Mama was the type of girl who was playful and daring, it's one of her best traits and why Papa fell in love with her. That's why they had met. When Mama left school, she travelled the world, she didn't plan where she would go, she was so daring that she just hopped on the next train or plane available that would lead her to the other side of the country or even the other side of the world.

Papa and her met in Australia where Papa had been working for some time, they told me that the moment they laid eyes on one another was the moment they knew they wanted to be with each other for the rest of their lives. It's kind of like with me and Cameron, love at first sight. Mama and Papa had so much in common and hit off right away. Three months later he proposed while on a luxury cruise ship on the Carribean and she obviously accepted.

Mama had told me the wedding was a joyous occasion and one that she will never forget, luckily, both our parents families were fairly prosperous and so Mama was able to have the wedding that every woman dreams of having. It was held outside in the middle of the forest, the weather forecast had been right and it was blue skies and sun all through out the wedding. She told me that there was a huge blue cake than had more than five layers on top of each other, everywhere had a huge array of different Coloured flowers which she had chosen personally with the help of Joe, her fiancé and soon to be husband. Mama wore a huge bridal white dress that had a three meter long train behind it, it was so poofy, the type you'd see Cinderella wear to the ball. The engagement ring that Papa had spent thousands of dollars on was pure gold with a huge shiny diamond on it that seemed to weigh about a kilogram, I know so as she had given it to me not long before she died, I even have it in my pocket at this very moment. They loved each other to bits and were so romantic...

I hoped Cameron and I would love each other like that and continue to forever until death do us part...