Jon watched me, studying me it seemed, as I poured out his pills and grabbed the glass of water.
The nurse usually did this, but there was a big emergency in the burn unit, so I offered to take over for today.
I silently held the white capsules and accompanying cup out to him, but he pushed them away, his brow furrowed (rather adorably, though I tried to ignore that fact).
"You need to take your medicines," I muttered, pushing them towards him again. Jon ignored them, despite both the gesture and my words.
"You need to tell me what's got you in a funk."
I looked up, surprised for a moment, and met his stunningly blue eyes before snapping my gaze back to the bedsheets.
"Nothing. Take your medicine."
He just grabbed the items in my hand and precariously slammed them onto the bedside table.
"Tell me what's wrong Thomas! Please..." He grew quiet, turning his head to look out the window. "I know you probably want to break up with me. I, I wouldn't blame you. But please, don't drag it out like this. Just, just do it, if you're going to."
I was stunned into silence.
Jon though I wanted to break up with him?
"No, no Jon, that's not what's happening! Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Jon, I love you so much, I'd never leave you like that. It's just, I don't want to make things worse, I mean, I already put you in this hospital bed-"
"Thomas Sanders! You take that back right now!" Jon yelled, his expression beyond furious. "You did not put me in this hospital bed! I chose to come visit you, and it is not your fault that flight went crashing down. You heard it yourself; a bird flew into the engine and messed it all up. Unless you trained and told that bird to do that, it is not your fault."
I watched him with big watery eyes, and he squeezed my hands tightly as his bottom lip began to quiver.
I hadn't realized we were holding hands.
He began to speak, but his voice broke out on him, and he turned his head as tried to gather himself, blue eyes filled with tears and throat choked with emotion.
"I just want you to be happy," I whispered, sniffling softly.
Jon smiled weakly, pulled me down closer to him so I was kneeling on the bed, bent over him.
"Oh Thomas, I am happy. I am so, so happy, because I've got you by my side. That's honestly all I want."
And I realized that both of us were just scared. We were both scared because we thought that the other deserved more, deserved better, that we couldn't ever be enough ourselves.
And when we kissed, I felt that. I felt it and I knew it.
So I kissed him harder, deeper, because even if he deserved someone twice the man I was, I would love him even if he was half the man he was.
