The Searching

I'm Ready- I'm Not

Blood pours
From hidden wounds
The clock is ticking,
My time ends soon.

Through the window,
Flooding in,
A ghastly spirt,
Grotesque and grim,

With hollow, black eyes,
And a twisted, wicked sneer,
It towered far above me,
But still I felt no fear.

Its' aura was strong,
A black, malicious smoke,
It expands- I should have ran,
For the mist promised to choke.

It surrounds me,
I do not waver, I do not shake,
To die all alone,
This is my accepted fate.

The grim reaper comes,
Stalking-A cocky snake,
He raises his hand,
The bonds tighten. I break.

I'm falling, falling,
Down down down down,
Into stale blood, a black ink,
I'm destined to drown,

I bite my lip hard,
Drawing blood as I sink,
I think of the empty pill bottle,
At home on my sink.

I think of ma's face,
Filled with agony and grief,
I think of little bro,
Alone on that sorrowful reef,

The reef of the ocean,
Whose water is dull grey,
Oh how many days I've spent there,
In that place no one plays.

How could I? How dare I?
Be so selfish-so cruel,
To abandon my loved ones,
In a miserable haze, oblique and dull.

As the blackness rises,
I now squirm and I fight,
Oh, the things I'd do different,
If a different ending I could write!

I fight and I scream,
I ignore all the pain,
I struggle against the odds,
I resist the black rain,

But the water rises faster,
And my arms tire so..
My lungs fill with hopelessness,
And down, down, down I go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please. Don't do something you'll regret. People make mistakes, it's in our nature. Things happen, and things can be fixed. But things will never, ever get better if you give up.

I don't know how many of you this can relate to, but I've recently joined my school's JROTC program. Let's face it- I suck at everything. I haven't ran all summer or honestly done anything to help me stay in shape (hey, a circle's a shape!) so going straight into conditioning was (and is) really hard. Almost everyone is older, faster, stronger, and smarter than I am. I can't hang with those guys. But I'm going to do my best to get better and do better, and no one is going to stop me.

Who knows? I may start being the worst person on the team and end being the worst person on the team. But it's my right to try, and I'm not going to let anyone take that away from me. Neither should you. As long as I'm alive, I have the chance of things getting better. As long as I don't give up, I have a chance. Having a small chance is so much better than not having any chances at all.

If you give up, and then change your mind, it might be to late.

Life isn't suppose to be easy- it's supposed to be a moral-sucking hell-hole designed to test you, and stretch you even past you limits. It will knock you down and drag you out until you're sure you'll never get up again. And that's when you do what people have been doing for millions of years- you go against all odds and get back up. You have that right.

But if you give up, you have nothing.

Absolutely nothing.