Reflection (Artemi Panarin)

Paths

Lesson 18: Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good I was just being redirected to something better.

-Artemis POV-

Game 7. And I thought the first six games were stressful. This was something else. Already in the third period we were tied at two and neither goalie was going to stand down. Just when the game looked like it was going to head into over time the Blues cleaned up a rebound and they had a one goal lead. Everything we threw at them wasn't enough. They had won yet another close game, but this time we were going home.

I get home not in the mood for anything. I turn on NHL network and listen to them go on and on about how the defending Stanley cup champs were out. I felt so much anger. So much disappointment. But there was nothing I could do to fix it. Taylor comes to sit next to me and before I could even pull her in she speaks.

"Did you try your hardest" she accuses. I'm confused.

"What" I question.

She sighs and continues. "These past seven games... Were you trying your hardest" she repeats.

"Of course. I gave it my all" I assure her.

She turns to look at me and nods. "Okay then, why are you mad if you tried your hardest?"

"It's not that easy Tay" I argue.

"If you tried you're hardest then there is nothing more for you to do therefore there is no reason to be so upset..." she defends.

"You don't know what it's like-" I start.

"To feel like it's all your fault? That there's something more you can do even though you everything you had? To feel like you let down everyone who thought you were going to be the difference? To know your best isn't good enough? That it isn't fair? You feel like it's all over" she whispers. I was not expecting that. "I know, Artemi. It fucking sucks. It really fucking sucks. But you can sit here and pout making yourself even more upset or you can go to IIHF, represent your country to the best of your abilities, and move on."

"Do you ever get tired of being right" I laugh and she gives me a huff.

"It's not a matter right or wrong, it's a matter of perspective" she shrugs.

"Explain" I counter.

"Okay. In your situation you feel like you had your path set up for a Stanley cup, but there was a break in the path so you can no longer take it. But you turn and see this big ass sign that says "path to IIHF" and it's complete. You can either keep looking down the broken path, wishing of ways to fix it even though you can't. Or you can keep looking and find a different path that leads to a new journey" she explains. Damn. That was good.

"I love you so fucking much" I exclaim giving her a sloppy kiss and she giggles.

"So you're not mad anymore" she questions.

"How can I be mad with you in my arms" I tease.

"Okay remember you just said that" she says leaping from my lap and putting a movie in. She returns to me and I see the world "Miracle" come across the screen. I glare at her and she looses it. She finally calms down when the movie starts. I actually enjoyed this movie but I couldn't let her know.

We continue watching and we get to the first locker scene and she tenses up.

"You okay babe" I wonder holding her tighter. She nods while never looking away from the movie. She pauses the movie and looks at me.

"No one knows this but I have a tattoo" she states. How have I never seen it before?

"Can I see it" I ask quietly. She slowly nods and gets up. She pulls her shorts down a little, then her underwear. On her hip was the words "A Bruise On The Leg Is A Hell Of A Long Way From The Heart" written across her waistline. I softly traced the words on her side and she flinched."I got it senior year. One night I was really upset so I decided to go for a walk. I needed to be alone and in silence. It was like 10 at night and I was just walking around. Everyone knew me but didn't know who I was. One of the guys from my school was in a tattoo parlor and he waved me in. I really didn't want to go, I hate places like that. But after talking I decided I wanted a tattoo. And what better than a one liner that represents me the best" she finishes with a laugh. She pulls her pants back up and yawns. "Bed" she says raising her arms like a kid waiting for me to pick her up.

"Bed" I say picking her up letting her straddle me and I carried her to bed where we fell asleep.