Reflection (Artemi Panarin)

Life

Lesson 23: I've seen better days, but I've also seen worse. I don't have everything I want, but I do have everything I need. I woke up with some aches and pains but I woke up. My life might not be perfect but I am blessed.

-Taylor's POV-

After returning back to Russia Art started World Cup training and Brian was with them a lot. I got some much needed me time and could finally think straight. I got back to drawing and writing in the book Artemi got me. It was weird to write about things that aren't pain related. My legs still hurt, I have my days but it's nothing like it used to be. I can focus on other things besides the leg pains. Every morning I wake up I know I'm blessed to see another day, because many don't get that option. I might not have the perfect family and close friends but I have people who care for me and that's enough for me. My life isn't perfect, but I don't want it to be. I want it so I know that it can get better.

I used to dream of this, a time where my life wasn't totally and absolutely destroyed by pain. I would wish and pray that one day I could be in a point of my life that I found true happiness.

And I did. I finally have friends. And they're great. Jonny and Pat never fail to put a smile on my face. Lindsey and Amanda are always there if I need them. Greg went through the worst imaginable thing and confided in me. Lucy and Paul fought cancer and won, showing me true strength. Artemi's grandparents let their pride and joy share this adventure with me. I can't begin to explain how nice it is to finally have people that love me even if I'm bent. They're helping me get better and I couldn't thank them enough. I can finally look in the mirror. Thanks to Nancy I realized that I'm not the same person I was 8 years ago. All the things I did to myself, that was in the past. I hated the fact I became the person I am because of the person I was, but I had to accept that it happened and nothing I can do now will go back and fix things. The only thing that can fix is my future. And I found my future in Artemi. The first day we met I knew he was special. He followed with his heart, not his head. I saw a lot in him that I see in me. He had a lot of potential to make a difference in people's life and I wanted everything to do with it. He was the first person to make a effort in breaking down my walls, and I let him. For the first time I confided in someone and didn't feel like hating myself more in the end. He reminded me that it's okay not to be okay. He helped me pick up my pieces and slowly put them back together. Brian, I think he was sent to us. Like a puzzle piece. From the moment he came up to us I knew this kid just changed my life. I see how much a person can affect another person. He is a perfect combination of Artemi and I. And he's got talent.
Not a day goes by I don't pinch myself to see if this is actually my life. I can't begin to explain how blessed I am to be in the position to help. And I'll be damned if I didn't. That's one thing I hope never changes. No matter where life takes me I want to help people. No matter how big or small the deed, it makes a difference.

Art and Brian come back from practice and they both look tired. "Working hard or hardly working" I tease as I fix them sandwiches and chips. Artemi comes in and kisses my cheek and swipes a Gatorade out the fridge.

"That was one of the hardest practices of my life. But we should be ready for World Cup" he says confidently heading to the table. Luckily he already showered so he could just sit and eat lunch. We sit and talk over the meal and I quickly clean up.

"Did you write today" Artemi wonders pointing to the book on the counter. I nod as he picks it up.

"Can I read it" he asks tracing the gold letters on the front.

"If you really want to" I reply with a shrug and head to the couch. I find Brian reading a book and I listen to him boast about it. After about 2 movies Brian is asleep in my lap and Artemi sits on the couch as I lay against him.

"I love you a lot, to know that right" he asks rubbing my thigh.

"I love you too" I say patting his hand.

"Have you thought about writing a book? Like with all the writing you keep" he says looking down at me. I never thought of it.

"I might write a book but not from my journal per say. Maybe bits and pieces but not everything. Some of that stuff was hard enough the first time, no sense in reliving it" I say.

"I'm happy you're better. I know it's still hard for you but you're trying" he says trying to convince himself more than anyone. In a world where everything is so uncertain I don't understand how this all felt so... right. I know how life works, I understand it all. But I also understand that life is unpredictable, and our job is to try and prepare for that.