The boy in the hospital bed

Chapter 32:Looking for the rainbow

        A blast of cold air hits my skin as I open my window. I can see the orange and yellow leaves dancing in the wind. I can hear the crunch of people stepping on them, turning them into a colorful pile of fall mush. I strike a match on the box and turn my room into pumpkin pie. I'm getting ready to leave. I'm getting ready to say goodbye. Maybe, Just maybe I'll be able to handle today. Once I put on my makeup, I take it off. This isn't right, I say to myself. I wipe off my concealer, blush powder, eye shadow and the rest of the gang. It takes a few wipes but I get all of it off. I leave my face raw and pure. I turn to the closet. When was the last time I wore this? I grab the tie dye shirt, throw on some leggings and put my hair down. No more dolling up for right now. The wind invades my room and blows out the candle for me.  Guess its time to go...

        When I get there, His room looks dead. It dosent smell like him. It smells as if hes already gone. The warm sugar sent is replaced by death. 

                   "Absolutely not." He shakes his head in a 'im crazy' motion, "I think this will be better." I smile at his words. Its been three months since we got our tattoos together. Hes gotten worse but hes to suborn to say he is. Im sinking trying to hold him up. But do what else do you when the walls of the world are caving in on you? We haven't been able to see each other as much. I remember the day clearly, the doctors pulled me away and told me he might not make it out of surgery. My eyes got burly as they told me the new in what they found in his brain. "Its Hodgkin Lymphoma." I went straight to my house and looked it up; They bones become brittle, the patients become unresponsive to treatment, it slowly kills. I cried and cried for hours at a time. I could feel the veins in my heart popping and disconnecting from the rest of my small body.  It was right, all the stories I read, all the things people told me. Lymphoma takes time to destroy. It makes sure the person feels the pain, feels their life getting taken away from them. It also makes them look back on everything they've done and the things they want to do but they cant, they cant because they have a monster in their body, slowly killing them. Im trying to get him to eat this nasty goo the hospital wants him to have but he wants me noodles instead.

       "Can you just eat it, please?" Ive been having to feed him, to be sure that hes eating. I put the cheep plastic spoon in the brown broth and bring it to his lips. He slows. Shortly it comes back up. It goes all over his lap, He starts crying. The Lymphoma is breaking his ribs. I grab the warm wash cloth and wipe his mouth. His body is pure white and his lips have lost all their color. His body is winter its self. I whisper sweet nothings to him, I start humming to him. "In a world of places, Lets go somewhere we haven't gone." He lets out a sigh made up of mixed emotions. Hes fighting. Fighting hard but taking all the pain. The medicine can only help so much. The look on his face tells me his done throwing up, done trying and that his just done with everything, even life. I put the bowl on the short desk that stands right next to his bed. I grab my phone, put some soft music on then crawl under the sheets with him. Nathan wraps his frail arm around my weak frame.
      "I'm going soon ,Brandy." I know the waterfalls in my eyes are going to start once he says that. "I'm going to miss you so much," He takes a deep breath, "I'm going to miss my family, I know that I'll miss the bright annoying light that shines every morning, the smell of this crappy soup shop that I use to walk by everyday." Nathan goes on about all the things hes going to miss, I didn't want to face the fact that this is real and happening. But I let him talk, I know he wants to get everything out before it comes. "And I'll mostly miss this crazy girl. Her smile makes the sun shine brighter. Her laugh makes the world sing. Her tears make waterfalls become ponds. But her eyes hold the wold in them." He didn't have to say this person names for me to know who hes talking about. I hear his strong voice break and that's when I know its real. I hug him closer, trying to put my body in with his so we could share the pain.
       "You cant go Nathan." I sob. I feel him rest his hand in my hair and run his fingers down. His way of saying he. I get up and grab my bag.
        "Where are you going raisin bran?" I unzip the bag and hand him a smaller bag. I really hope he likes it. I then walk back to him and reach my hand out to give it to him. Nathan raises a brow but opens it up anyways. He looks at it and gives me a heartwarming smile. I knew is was a good idea. I sit on the bed and watch him look at the photo album I made him. The first picture is of us smiling, then us making a silly face. Under each one, I put something I like about him or a trait he has. He laughs and smiles while he looks at every picture.
  "I'm going to love you till the very end." He looks at me, maybe processing what I said to him. "And I know that I cant make the pain go away, and that I'll stay on this earth while your gone but I mean you said you would always test things about before it happens to me. Just don't forget me. I'm going to love you with everything I have. But I want you to know, You can go exploring without me." That's when I hear our voice crack. That's when I know its coming, maybe a storm or maybe a rainbow.