(Not) Your Guardian

16- A Murder Of Crows

A/N- I'll explain the title of the chapter and why I chose it at the end if you guys are interested/curious. I can't say it in this note, otherwise there'd be spoilers!

Brendon's POV

When I woke up, my head was pounding, the slightest light hurt my eyes, and my mouth was dryer than the Sahara Desert. I was hung-over.

I hated hang-overs and always swore that I'd never drink again, but of course I'd break that promise within ten minutes of making it.

I ran a hand through my hair, cringing at the feeling of yesterday's hair gel and sweat. First things first: I really need to shower. I checked my phone for the time and saw it was about two in the afternoon. I also saw some text messages from my friends asking if I wanted to go out again tonight.

I put off answering them until I showered and actually woke up. After rinsing off and getting dressed in some lounge pants and an old t-shirt I trudged out into the kitchen and turned on my coffee pot.

Coffee is the best, but especially when you're hung-over. The thought of eating right now made me want to puke, so I decided to wait until later.

After the coffee was done, I grabbed the mug and sat down on my couch, letting out a drawn out sigh and trying to piece together what exactly happened last night.

Dallon and I got into an argument, he told me despite how mean I've been towards him he still cared about me, I said something that I can't remember, and then I went out to get drunk.

Guilt settled in my chest for doing exactly what Dallon had repeatedly asked me not to do. When it comes to him, I can never decide if I want to beg for forgiveness, have him fuck me senseless (because let's face it he's hot as hell and I'm horny most of the time), or yell at him for trying to decide what I do with my life.

I give Dallon a lot of shit, but I admit that overall he is a very good person. It took him years to snap at me the first time, but of course with my personality it only made me want to push him further to see what it would take to make him snap again.

I guess that's one thing he has helped me see about myself: I tend to have self-destructive tendencies, whether they be pushing people away, or just not giving a shit about what happens to me.

With a frown I gingerly took a sip of my coffee. Stupid Dallon, making me question things that I thought I was sure about. He really is just trying to help though...

Or maybe he's trying to get revenge on me for all the shit I've put him through by trying to slowly take away things that I think are fun and love. Maybe he's just jealous because I have a lot more money and my parents are still alive.

Maybe he just needs to get laid, that's my solution for just about anything.

These thoughts were interrupted by flashbacks of my childhood, flashbacks of times when Dallon would help me because no one else was around. Times when we would just hang out and have fun, and he made me feel like the most special person in the world because all his attention was on me even if just for an hour or two. Something that I never got from my parents.

I remember him begging me to try to find different friends in high school, warning me about what would happen in the end. I ignored him, and everything that he said would happen, happened. He was trying to help me then, maybe he really is trying to help me now...

With a groan I threw my head back against the couch. I hated thinking. I hated fighting with myself. It's easier to just drown my thoughts in alcohol so they can't bother me. Of course, they always come back even stronger after the buzz wears off, but I simply repressed them with more distractions.

I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and answered my friends, agreeing to go out tonight. I can put off figuring out what to do about Dallon a little bit longer...

I thought I'd surely have a lot more time to figure things out and make a decision. Things ended up being decided for me, and not in a good way. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe, like the rug had just been pulled out from underneath my feet and I was in the process of falling through the air with my arms flailing wildly trying to find something stable to hold onto.

That stable thing was Dallon. It always had been, it just took me forever to see it.

I did go out with my friends that night, and after hopping to a few different places, we ended up at the same strip club Dallon picked me up from. At least I'm pretty sure that was here, those memories were kind of fuzzy.

Most of my memories are a drug and alcohol induced haze lately.

I wasn't totally trashed yet, but I was still pretty drunk when shit went down. We were all gathered around a table right in front of the stage, cheering on the women dancing seductively on the stage.

When the dancers were changing out, my friend Oli asked if we wanted to go outside. He gave a look to the others, but I was too drunk at the time to notice that look, or the fact that I was the drunkest person there. Normally they're just as trashed as me or more.

We went out back and I took a deep breath of the cool night air, cringing slightly at the smells wafting through the alley. I leaned back against the brick wall and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket to light one up. I breathed out the smoke and watched it drift away in the wind, but was shaken from my thoughts by Oli speaking.

"Brendon, we need to talk to you."

"Ok, shoot." I said with a lazy grin, completely unaware of what was about to happen.

"We've all been talking amongst ourselves and have come to a group decision. We don't want you around anymore."

My eyes widened and my cigarette tumbled out of my fingers and onto the grimy ground below.

"Huh?"

"You've become a pain in the ass. All you ever do when we go out is pick fights, have a crisis about something, and talk about that stupid Dallon guy. You know, for someone who claims to hate him, you talk about him an awful lot. And it's not always negative either. But we're tired of it. You take the fun out of going out because we feel like we have to babysit you and can't just let loose and have a good time."

As Oli spoke, they all started scooting in closer to me, completely surrounding me. With the wall to my back and them covering every other direction I had nowhere to run.

I don't remember exactly when the hits started, but there were a lot of them and they didn't stop even when I had collapsed to the ground. Dallon was right, I ended up getting beat up until I blacked out and was left out there for hours.

I was woken up by the bartender, I think his name was Kenny, shaking me awake and asking what happened. I was shivering, it was cold out here now and I had been lying in a puddle of what I hope was water.

"I just want to go home," I mumbled. He offered to call Dallon for me again, but I told him that Dallon wouldn't answer me.

Thankfully, Kenny was a super nice guy and offered to drive me home. He remembered what apartment complex I lived in from where he had spoken to Dallon, so the drive over was silent.

However when we got there, I demanded he take me up to Dallon's apartment instead of my own. Limping the whole time and leaning on Kenny for support, it took awhile but eventually we made it up there. I started repeatedly knocking on his door, not caring that it was currently four AM and I might wake up his surrounding neighbors.

He opened to door and when he saw Kenny and me, all traces of sleep and frustration disappeared from his eyes. Before he could say a word I threw myself forward and collapsed into his arms, thankfully he caught me.

"You were right about everything, I'm sorry," and with that my resolve broke and the tears started to flow.

A/N- Ok, so a flock of crows is sometimes called a "murder" of crows. This is because when a new crow wants to join a flock, if the new crow is stronger than one of the existing members the flock will turn on the weak one, kill it, and replace it with the stronger crow. Just like how Brendon's friends turned on him.

Also, I've started a thing I'm calling the Pen Project and I would love for you guys to join me! All the info and such is in my RANT book so go check it out :)