(Not) Your Guardian

Bonus Chapter- Anxiety, Guilt, and Revelations

A/N- Thank you guys so much for 10K views, it means the world to me!

Brendon's POV

My hands shook slightly as I picked the locks on Dallon's door. I just hope he doesn't come back right when I'm in the middle of doing this. I needed to talk to him, and at this point this is my only option.

He won't answer my phone calls, texts, and he definitely wouldn't open his door for me if I knocked. I know he'll be mad about this, but I'm doing what I have to do. Finally, the locks clicked open and I made my way inside. I left the door slightly open just so when Dallon comes back he won't be completely surprised by my presence.

I was nervously sitting on his couch for maybe ten minutes or so when I heard him enter the apartment, immediately my anxiety sky rocketed. I ran a hand through my hair, and when Dallon came into the room he started yelling at me before I even had a chance to speak or explain why I was here.

"What the fuck Brendon? You don't just break into people's apartments; I know you have enough common sense to know that! What are you even doing here? I figured I made it clear that unless you're willing to really apologize and start bettering yourself I don't want to be around you!"

Flinching a bit, I silently sat there as I waited for him to finish rightfully yelling at me.

"I know, I know, Dallon I'm sorry. But I knew you wouldn't answer the door if I knocked and I have to talk to you. Can you please just sit down and hear me out? Please?"

Dallon let out a sigh and stiffly sat on the arm of the couch. Crossing his arms over his chest, he sat silently and waited for me to carry on.

"Ok, I know I've been a total asshole to you in the past, I realize that, and I'm sorry. I really mean it; you didn't deserve any of the shit I dished out on you. But, I don't want to change from how I am right now. I like my friends. I like my life style. And I'm not going to compromise that simply because it's what you think is best for me."

Apparently, he didn't like what I had to say. His posture grew even more rigid and his jaw tightened up. Despite the obvious frustration he was feeling, his words started out soft as he spoke.

"Brendon, the way you're living right now is not healthy. All the alcohol you drink is going to completely destroy your liver and you're getting beat up almost every single night because you say stupid worse when you're drunk, and then your friends ditch you and just leave you to get mugged by strangers. You've gotten off easy with bruises, split lips, and bloody noses, but what happens when someone causes you serious damage? Breaks your ribs, ruptures something, knocks you out and leaves you there?"

He stood from the couch and started pacing around, making me grow nervous. He was already so much taller than me; the fact that he was standing right now and I was sitting didn't help. He went on a bit more about why he was frustrated with me before I finally had a chance to speak.

"I don't get why you care so much. If you'd just let go of the past everything would be fine. Things will work out in the end." I mumbled out.

I wasn't expecting it to, but that statement really, really set Dallon off.

"You don't get it do you?! I practically raised you that's why I care so much! You're parents were shit and always thought you had nothing going for you, and all you're doing is proving them right! You could do so much Brendon, you're an insanely talented musician, you're smart, you're a good actor, you're attractive, and you're funny."

He started to count things off on his fingers to accentuate his points as he continued to angrily pace around the room as he went on with his rant.

"You could almost literally do anything you wanted and you're choosing to sit around on your ass, leach your parents money, party, and get yourself beat up repeatedly. Doesn't the vengeful side in you want to prove them wrong, even just a little bit?"

That statement really struck me hard; he was absolutely right.

"Believe me, I wish I didn't care so much! I wish I could just move away from hear and be perfectly content never hearing from you again. I wish I could do that after all the shit you've put me through! You've woke me up in the middle of the night many times because you were being a dumbass and needed help or to simply annoy me."

He came closer to me, I could see the anger flaring up more and more in his eyes the longer he continued talking. I was almost afraid he would hit me, but deep down I knew that Dallon would never hurt me like that.

"You've had me beaten up multiple times. You've insulted me and degraded me almost every day for the past seven years. You've made me feel extremely insecure about my personality and my looks. You've given me anxiety attacks. You made me so desperate for peace and to get away from your constant verbal abuse that I was willing to leave behind my home and everything I ever knew."

The more he spoke, the more a feeling of guilt and disgust for me settled into my chest. Had I really damaged him that bad emotionally? I tried to look away, refusing to make eye contact with Dallon, but he wasn't going to allow that. He grabbed me tightly by the chin and forced my eyes to meet his.

"And yet, after all that shit, I still care about you. I still want to see you succeed in life one day. And I hate myself for it."

He let go of me and moved away, taking deep breaths in attempts to calm down and ran his hands through his hair. There have been many days in my life where I have hated myself that's for sure, but none of them could compare to how much I hated myself right now. If I could crawl into a hole and die right now I would. It'd be better for Dallon if I stayed away. If I didn't bother him ever again.

That way, I wouldn't hurt him like this anymore. I hesitantly stood from the couch and tapped Dallon lightly on the shoulder. He turned around to face me and I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I pulled him into a hug and buried my face in his chest.

At first his posture remained very stiff, but after a couple moments he relaxed a bit and actually hugged me back. Eventually, I pulled away and looked him dead in the eyes and spoke the blunt truth.

"I'm not worth it, Dallon."

I turned away from him and somberly walked out of his apartment, probably for the last time. I quietly shut the door behind me. When I got back to my apartment, I instantly began planning out how to make these feelings go away. I came to my usual solutions: weed, alcohol, and sex.

So that's exactly what I did. I called up my friends and we went to several clubs and bars, I didn't get home until five AM. I don't remember much of what happened, I know I hooked up with a guy and a girl, but I don't remember their names or what they looked like. I don't remember where all we went or how I got back home.

I just know I woke up with sweat and liquor on my clothes, two empty condom wrappers in my jacket pocket, and a killer hangover. I felt even worse today than I did yesterday.

Maybe Dallon is right...