kinotherapy || k.h.g

two

two
/third point of view/
-

"hi, you must be sojin," the doctor greeted sojin, his hand extended to shake hers.

"yes, doctor kim?" sojin asked, her head tilted slightly to the side.

doctor kim nodded and gestured to the office inside.

"come in, we'll start the test right away," he nodded at the girl, sojin's fists clenching.

their feet quietly tapped along the floored corridor, sweat starting to collect on sojin's forehead. she didn't know why she was so scared; she just knew that she didn't want to be there. the smell, the look— everything was just so overwhelming.

doctor kim led her to the very end of the hallway and opened the door. inside was a fairly empty room with only a bed and a window to let the light in. next to the bed was an iv drip and sojin almost collapsed just by looking at it.

"lay down on the bed, we'll conduct the test now," the doctor's soothing voice reached sojin's ear, and sojin could feel herself tear up.

"i don't want to take the test," her voice wavered.

"it'll be over before you know it. lie down, please,"

sojin did as she told and tried taking deep breaths to calm herself down. she felt the doctor rub something on her hand and she squeezed her eyes shut. maybe it was needles that she was afraid of. she realized that it was needles because she almost screamed when doctor kim put the needle in her arm.

"we're starting the test now. please count down slowly from ten," doctor kim whispered.

sojin counted out loud. she felt herself go numb by seven and lost all controlled thoughts at three.

"very good. now sojin, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

"not good," sojin replied.

"why is that? your test said that you were feeling a lot better,"

"i lied," sojin felt a tear slip out of her eye.

"why would you do that?" he whispered.

"because i want my mom to be happy," sojin gasped for air. "my mom is spending so much money on me, and i'm not getting better, so i feel bad,"

"so how is your depression then? better, or worse?"

"worse," sojin cried.

"do you have thought on killing yourself?"

sojin couldn't say anything. she only nodded while pursing her lips together. she hated crying. it made her feel vulnerable and weak. she gripped at the bed sheets underneath her and cleared her throat.

the rest of the interview was unbearable for sojin. she felt her emotions go through her like a tidal wave. she was exhausted by the end of the interview. the doctor let her rest as he went to go calculate the diagnosis after the amytal interview.

sojin was not getting better, and something needed to be done.