kinotherapy || k.h.g

eight

eight
/third point of view/
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kino had to leave the hospital. he was fired for violating his contract. sojin asked the nurses about him, but no one talked to her about him— they didn't want to tell her he had been fired. sojin was left in the dark. no one would tell here where kino went or what happened to him.

sojin relapsed into depression. it was way worse than anyone expected. she refused to eat any of her food, and she would starve herself because she couldn't bring herself to eat food that was bland. everything was bland to her; everything was numb to her. she didn't want to see anything anymore, she didn't want to say anything anymore, and she didn't to do anything anymore. it was almost as if she just was rotting in her bed. the nurses had to do everything for sojin because sojin didn't want to feel or touch or anything. sojin wanted to leave.

one day, she thought about kino. she cried upon the thought of his smiling face. how could he just leave her like that, especially after he made her love him. it was cruel. she curled herself up into a ball and sat on her bed. she cried to herself, and she was crying so loudly that she didn't hear the door open. she only looked up when she heard the familiar clicking of heels. she didn't like the sound of those shoes. she sprung out of bed and saw him— the man she hated with a burning passion.

"no!" she screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks and chin and falling onto her clothes. "stay away!"

her father looked at her with his stony eyes and with that look of condescension on his face. her head started throbbing with sharp pain. she grabbed around for something, anything that would keep him away from her— what were the doctors thinking, sending this nightmare her way? her hand found a vase. she smashed it against the bed stand and held the sharp edge out towards her father. he continued looking at her with the same look on his face, causing sojin to scream.

"don't you dare come near me, you bastard; and stop looking at me like that!" she shrieked. her voice cracked as she brought her tone down and repeated, "stop looking at me like that."

her father stood in front of her bed, and a nurse ran into the room after hearing sojin's screams. she called for some more nurses and a passing doctor to help with the situation. they tried to get sojin to drop the glass shards in her hand, but she refused.

"i'm going to jump out the window!" she cried. "don't touch me or i will jump!"

the doctors knew she wouldn't be able to break the window, but they still tried to calm her down. she wouldn't listen, though; all she could think about was her father, her useless mother, and kino. she would only listen to kino, but kino wasn't there to help her. kino was gone.

"where is kino?" she cried. "where is he?"

sojin finally hit her point of exhaustion. the broken vase in her hand fell to the ground, and blood covered the palm of her hand, revealing exactly how tight she was gripping the broken glass shards in her hand. she crumpled to the ground and curled up again into a ball. the nurses rushed over to her and tried to help her get up, but she was out cold— her father visiting her stressed her out that much.

the doctors forbade her father from visiting after that incident. no one was allowed to visit sojin anymore. sojin didn't care that she didn't get to see her mother, but she wanted to see kino. it didn't matter that she couldn't be with him anymore— she just wanted to see him, and that was all she wanted.

sojin's health state fell to the point where she was forced to go through intravenous therapy. the nurses started saying that there was no hope for her, and sojin couldn't help but agree. the doctors, the nurses, her parents— they all drove her to this point. kinotherapy was honestly not a good therapy for her. she should have stuck to her antidepressants. she didn't know that without this therapy, she would be alone. she didn't know.

something clicked in her brain one day at two in the morning. she suddenly didn't feel as numb as before. she looked out the window at the shining moon and the faint stars. the moon was a crescent moon that night. it caught her eye, and relieve washed over her because there was one option for permanent relief. her eyes were locked on the moon as she pulled out the needle from her drip and got out of her bed. her legs trembled as she walked out of her room at two in the morning. she was surprised the door to her room was unlocked. maybe it was just her lucky day.

she snuck up onto the roof and walked towards the edge of the roof. the hospital roof really needed fences, she thought as she stood at the edge of the hospital roof. she looked down at the pavement twenty stories below her. her mind was blank as she stuck one foot out in front of her. she looked up at the moon and remembered kino. a tear slipped out of her eye as she closed her eyes and whispered, "i'm sorry, kino."

her other foot left the ledge. she felt her worries escape her as she took her fall.

then, it all went black.

note: i am in no way encouraging suicide nor am i trying to romanticize it. i had a friend who i lost to depression, and this was how she described to me her pain before she died. may she rest in peace. i'm sorry for any sadness this chapter may have caused.