Sempiternal

Chapter 22

Okay so this chapter was upsetting to write, so if you get triggered easily, don't read it. Seriously. 

--Dylan's POV--

Almost every day I was asked by one of the boys to perform with them. Every time, I was hesitant. I wanted to run away and hide. But with some encouragement (and pizza), I was able to go on stage. I really do love singing, but the pressure of seeing all of those people judging me caused me to lose control. I could only do one song before rushing off the stage with shaking hands and tears in my eyes. This was one of those times.

"Babe, it's okay. You did amazing," Andy whispered into my hair. I was holding onto him like I would disappear if I didn't. A wet spot was forming on the front of his shirt from me crying. Today was the worst attack so far. I was hysterical. 

"Dyl, you doing alright?" Oli asked from beside me. From my place in Andy's arms, I violently shook my head no. I felt Oli running a hand through my hair. Andy rubbed his hand up and down my back. I remained in place, but unlocked my iron grip to begin snapping the rubber band on my wrist.

"Come on, we're going back to the bus." Andy began to pull away. I cried out loudly and pushed myself back into him. I couldn't even begin to describe how I felt. But it felt like my lungs were collapsing in on themselves. I peeked up from under my bangs. Andy was looking down at me with such a heartbroken look. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm such a burden.  I'm a mess, I'm holding you back. I'm a waste of space!" With every word, the heartbroken eyes grew more and more sad. I looked to my side, where Oli was standing, his face twisted in anger and sadness. 

"I'm sorry, Oli. I know I'm a disappointment of a sister. I-I... I'll just go," I shoved Andy back and ran, ignoring their shouts. I didn't even know where I was going. I ran, blinded by tears. MY hearing was blocked by the sounds of voices screeching at me.

Disappointment!

Ugly!

Fat!

You'll never be as good as your brother!

You don't deserve Andy!

My hands flew up to cover my ears in a feeble attempt to block them out. I could vaguely hear angered shouts as I rammed into someone.

Look what you did!

Fucked up again!

Waste of space!

No one loves you!

Just die already!

 I dropped to the ground. Tears streamed down my face, and I bent my head down so that my forehead touched the ground. I screamed as the insults thrown by no one hit my fragile heart. Then everything went black.

--Austin's POV--

The boys and I just finished a set. I was by our merch tent, when Dylan flew by. I felt worry creep its way  into my heart. I quickly jogged after her. When I found her, she had a small crowd around her. She was on the ground, screaming loudly.

"Hey! Move out of the way!" I ordered and pushed past the people. When I reached her, she was passed out cold. "Shit." I scooped her up into my arms and weaved through the crowd to my bus. I gently placed Dylan on the couch and sat next to her. My phone buzzed in my pocket. Oli.

"Austin, do you know where Dylan is?" He asked frantically. 

"Yea, I found her screaming into the ground. She's blacked out on my bus now. What happened?" I explained.

"Andy, she's with Austin! I'll tell you when I get there." The line went dead. I sighed and took Dylan's hand in mine, letting my fatherly instinct take over. 

The door to my bus burst open a few minutes later. Oli stood panting in the doorway. He rushed forward and kneeled next to his sister. Andy gently shut the door behind him.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, looking at Andy. He opened his mouth to answer, but closed it after a minute.

"I let her get pushed too far. I knew how much anxiety she had with performing on stage, but I let her go on anyway. I should've stopped it sooner," Oli said quietly. "I fucked up. And now she's had a full blown panic attack, the first in years."

"Oliver, this isn't your fault-"

"Yes it is! She said every time that she didn't want to perform, but we made her anyway. We- I was too excited to see her come out of her shell that-" His voice cracked. "That I only made it worse."

Silence engulfed the bus. The heavy kind of silence that made your heart drop. Andy stood, arms crossed, tears silently falling from his eyes. Oli gingerly brushed the hair from Dylan's face. I decided to get one of the people that could understand this the most.

Vic.

---I have no clue where this chapter came from. I've been feeling pretty good with my own anxiety/depression, so I don't know why this chapter was so easy to write. Sorry for not uploading.