Surprisingly, the Good Lord's
and Wall Street's existence can
undisputedly and simply
be deducted from beginner's chemistry
applied to the hottest fires in Hell
regardless
for Whom they are reserved.
Is Hell more exothermic
(giving off heat)
or endothermic (absorbing heat)?
Most students write proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands
and heats when it is compressed)
or some variant.
Dante, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know
how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate
at which souls are moving into Hell
and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell,
it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell,
let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can safely project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are,
we can expect the number of souls in Hell
to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change
of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell
to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to
expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate
than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate
faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate
given to me by Tiffany
during my Freshman year that,
"it will be a cold day in Hell
before I go out with you",
and take into account the fact
that I went out with her last night,
then number 2 must be true,
and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over.
The corollary of Dante's theory is
that since Hell has frozen over,
it follows that it is not accepting
any more souls and is therefore extinct
... leaving only the pure heaven of Wall Street
thereby proving the existence of a divine being,
which explains why last night
Tiffany kept shouting "Oh, my God!"
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Wall Street Poetry
PoetryOff-mainstream bancAssurance poetry on 9/11, infinite greed and fear, bear and bull markets, megalomanic bankers, bipolar day-traders, over-cautious reinsurers, diamonds are a girl's best friend, blondes & brunettes and the Nash equilibrium, volatil...