Ill Conceived Plans

Two Cathedrals

A cold February morning, a tummy flutters and a woman smiles a smile that no-one sees, a satisfied and contented smile meant just for her and her alone.

Sarah was in love, she'd never felt this relaxed or happy in her entire life.

It was a grey overcast lazy February Sunday in London.

She was there totally alone; in bed getting to know her new favourite person.

Truth be told Sarah had been trying to read, leaning her big text on her burgeoning bump, a natural book rest - well that was her opinion, it wasn't shared or appreciated by the other occupant of her body. The book bore the brunt of an attack - well Sarah bore the brunt but she didn't mind. She'd never seen herself as lonely but in the gloomy late winter light it somehow felt comforting to have a companion someone to talk to, to read to, someone who couldn't talk back or complain about her taste in reading matter or what she was listening to. Except that wasn't really true, her little passenger could make its presence felt. Bean didn't want the book pressing down on its dome home and was making that known in no uncertain terms kicking the volume hard enough to move it.

Sarah smiled.

"Not happy then?" she asked moving the book and smoothing her hand over the t-shirt covered bump, pushing a little at the baby hotspot.

Bean kicked back.

Sarah smiled again.

She grabbed the tiny stuffed toy that Dane had sent them and placed it on her tummy, pushing it slightly. Bean kicked again. The little bear jumped.

Sarah giggled.

Teddy was restored with a little push.

A push back, a little harder; Teddy rolled off down on to the bed.

She giggled again and retrieved the bear and the game continued.

Sarah thought about videoing it but it wasn't a moment like that it was a moment to savour and remember just for herself. The first moment she played and interacted with her baby.

And then it hit her.

Hit her harder than it had at the pregnancy tests and scans, she wasn't about to be a mother, she was already. Here she was interacting, playing with another human being, one she'd created. One growing and moving inside her.

It was a mind-blowing moment and thrilling and it scared her shitless.

Her body wasn't her own now but her life wouldn't be either soon. Her comfortable home would need to be childproofed; her life would be a series of compromises. She didn't like to do that ever.

Was she doing the right thing?

Bean kicked at the little bear again - a little bear in a bowtie - dapper and handsome like the man who'd given her both bear and baby.

Her best friend.

Marry your best friend - people said that, marry your best friend.

But her best friend was an over-emotional commitment-phobic with narcissistic tendencies and job that made him the "boyfriend of everyone" and she was an under emotional commitment phobic who liked to fly under the radar. Yeah, that would work.

Sure both were loyal to a fault and they loved each other.

But was it enough?

Should two such rarefied creatures even be procreating let alone being let loose on an unsuspecting child?