Ill Conceived Plans

Secret

NOTHING good ever comes of eavesdropping.

Sarah's mother had told her that, over and over. It's how she'd found out about her mother's cancer her father's heart dramas and Dane's parent's divorce. But it was also how she found out about Thena and that Lizzie was dating Neville. So the jury was out on now on the "nothing good" for the most part though it seemed to be the case. It certainly was this time though it wasn't a real revelation, just confirmation really.

Sarah's problem was she was the sort of person that people forgot was there - well until she opened her mouth, then she was loud and hard to miss.

This time, however, they knew she was there, they just didn't realise she was conscious, awake, present.

She didn't blame them, she'd apparently been away with the pixies on and off, for the past three days, drifting in and out, dreaming, hiding out from the real world, healing and generally not facing the truth. It seemed pretty reasonable to Sarah, the real world was a bit too difficult to deal with at the present time. Members of her family were fighting for their life and she and Bean had been ordered to rest brain swelling, bleeding in the wrong places and all because of her own selfishness because Sarah Huntington knew best.

Was she an arrogant, self-centered bitch? That was the $64,000 question she didn't particularly want to answer at the moment.

After her three days in Neverland, she'd finally started to surface properly around Wednesday lunch time. Not that she knew it was Wednesday, not that she cared particularly. But now she was coming out of it if she tried to sleep she heard the screams, felt the car spiral out of control, her arm go up as the airbag activated, felt the pain, felt her head knock the window. Blood, screams. So she closed her eyes tight and tried to will it all away - retreated to the place where Thena, Barb, Dehlia, Malcolm, and Neville held her hand and talked to her about the world, the future, and work - fleeting sightings of a certain 6'2 actor.

She'd talked, groggily, hoarsely that afternoon - been brought up-to-date on everything, Margaret's heart attack and the fact that she was now healing fast, Emerald's dramatic birth and her slow, hard struggle and Lizzie - Lizzie who was also drifting in and out of consciousness not out of the woods but at least standing somewhere near a clearing. She had a long way to go too.

Sarah tried not to feel the guilt that slammed her when her thoughts were too wakeful, tried not to see the pain in the eyes of her beloved cousin, her sister - her family when they talked about what had happened. She tried to focus on Dane's Bafta, on staying still to give her baby a chance to go to term, a chance its cousin had taken from her by a stupid selfish decision. She tried not to wonder how much of the drugs pumped into her were crossing the placenta, what damage they were doing to Beanie. She tried not to see herself as selfish and manipulative, someone who had almost got them all killed.

She tried not to wonder why the universe was letting her raise a child -on her own it seemed though.

But she deserved that.

Everything that the Hilditch's were going through was all down to her - confirmation of that came on the Wednesday night after official visiting hours. Dane had finally slipped quietly in when there should be no one here to question him, not that there should be questions, the world knew they were friends, old friends, good friends, family; but not that they would or could be a family, her, him and baby Bean. She briefly wondered then if he had told the world, released something? She wondered how she'd feel about that. And she realised she was not as adverse as she would have been. But then if he'd told the world, claimed her and their child then why was he sneaking around?

And why the nurses, male and female, were currently paying her extra attention - she'd had pillows fluffed, and blood pressure taken - twice since Dane arrived. She got it she really did - he was a drawcard, a good looking man in a time of heartache sweetly visiting his mother, sister, niece and his best friend.