azaleas [horan]

Horan vs. Devine

A Z A L E A

We continued to walk through the calm park. We didn't speak at all, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. At least it wasn't in the beginning. As the minutes passed, I felt the urge to talk about Josh. I guess my conscience wasn't working 'cuz the words slipped from my mouth mindlessly.

"Josh loves me," I blurted out. I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"What?" Niall stopped in his tracks, making me stumble.

"Last night," I started, "Last night, after you guys left, he stayed to help clean up. When Eleanor was upstairs, he started asking me about you. I don't know what got into him, but he was frustrated 'cuz I wasn't giving him any definite answers. Then I guess it just slipped out." 

Niall held a blank stare for a moment, then sighed. "I had a feeling he didn't like me, I just thought it was a test. But now..." He trailed off.

"But now what?"

"I dunno, do you love him back?" He met my eyes for the first time in the last five minutes.

I thought for a moment. Did I love him back? He's been my best friend since forever. He would comfort me when I was down, celebrate with me when I did well at something, and go out of his way to make me happy.

When a girl on the playground hit me in Year 3, he stood up for me.

I remember when Jesse left me, he was the shoulder I cried on. Besides Eleanor's, of course.

When my parents first split up, Josh was there.

Whatever I was going through, he was there with me. Could I really love him?

I didn't realize I had been silent for a long time until I looked at Niall. He didn't look sad nor happy. It's like he was indifferent. He told me once that he and his band members needed to learn how to hide their emotions, but I didn't know it was like this. He was emotionless and simply stared as he awaited my response.

"I don't know," I said honestly.

He chuckled, "I guess this was what frustrated him, your uncertainty!" I laughed with him. Even in this kind of situation, he could lighten the mood. I liked that nothing ever brought him down.

We walked back to Starbucks, though I'm sure the previous conversation never left either of our minds.

"I should go home and think about this. See you tomorrow?"

"Sure. See you tomorrow." I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek but he opened his arms and gestured for a hug that I reluctantly took.

***

I jogged up the stairs leading to the second floor. I entered the second door on the left; my room. Whenever I was stressed, I listened to music. I could never explain its therapeutic quality, it simply relaxed me. The second I started a song, my worries washed away.

Scrolling through my music, an odd playlist caught my eye. It was named Become a Directioner! and sure enough, it was filled with 1D songs and 1D songs only. Niall must have downloaded it for me. That little bugger.

I decided to give the first song, Same Mistakes, a try. It wasn't as bad as I anticipated.

"Oh, what the hell," I had said, and continued with the rest of the playlist.

I started singing along after a few more songs. Bloody hell, what is happening to me?

The next song began with the strum of guitar strings. I payed close attention to the chords and lyrics, admiring the subtle melody. Then, the chorus came.

I've been waiting

All this time to finally say it

But now I see your heart's been taken

And nothing could be worse

Baby, I loved you first

Had my chances 

Could've been where he is standing

That's what hurts the most

Girl, I came so close

But now you'll never know

Baby, I loved you first

I don't know what came over me, but I ripped out my earbuds and chucked them at the wall.

"It can't be," I shook my head forcefully.

"What can't be?" A voice spoke up.

I shot my head up to see Eleanor leaning against the door frame. I ran towards her at top speed and tackled her in a hug.

"I'm so glad you're here, El. Where the hell have you been?" I squeezed the brunette in a tight embrace.

"Like I said yesterday, I had a shift at the bakery. What's up with you? I just saw that tantrum with the earbuds..."

I rolled my eyes and started with my explanation, "Long story short, I went out for coffee with Niall and I told him about Josh when we were walking in the park. El.. he asked me if I loved Josh, and I think I do."

***

Before you Niall girls puncture my fucking lungs, let me tell you that there are still a few parts and a sequel coming up!

I'll try to update more often but they'll probably be short chapters like this.

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