Anything It Takes 《SLOW UPDATES》

17. No bucket list item today

A/N: It's chapter 17 but day and bln 32 so its the first of October :)

***

There's a heavy feeling on my chest this morning. It follows me the whole morning. When I'm getting dressed, brushing my teeth.

I can't shake it off so I try to ignore it.

I force a smile onto my face, something I havent done for a while now. Something's wrong. And I'm not sure why, until I look at my calendar.

It's the 1st of october. The anniversary of Avalon and my fathers death.

The pain I feel every year on this day is horrible. But at least I feel. It's better than being numb. It's better than waking up and not remembering till the last minute and still not feeling anything. It's better, in a sense.

So yes, I'd rather wake up with tears streaming down my cheeks, like a fast flowing river. I'd rather wake up with a pain so harsh I can't even get up. Just because it means I'm still at least a little bit human inside.

I always feel guilty around this time of year as well, especially this year because I've been out doing things instead of wallowing in self pity. I feel guilty because I haven't been crying as much as I should. I feel guilty because I swear the accident that killed Avalon and my dad was my fault. I feel guilty because I should've died, not them.

I get to school. I walk through the front doors, Lissana by my side. I stop.

In front of me, on a big banner, stretching from one side of the hallway to the other, are words. Words saying, "Avalon. You were taken from this world too soon. You shouldn't have been the one who died, it should've been Aspen".

I stared at the banner.

And I break down. My sobs echo through the silent hallways as I collapse on to my knees.

Lissana rubs my back soothingly, calming me down. I look up at everyone, tears still slipping down my cheeks. "I know you all hate me", I started, my voice a little shakey, "But that does not", I stand up looking at the banner, "Give you the right to tell me I should have been the one to die instead of my amazing sister. I tell myself that every goddamnd fucking day. But today? Today of all fucking days? The one day I feel the most shit about myself without any of you assholes trying to make me feel shit.", everyone staring at me in silence.

"You all are fucking pathetic, you know that? Pathetic. You've all picked on me for ten years. Since I was seven. What fucking gives? You never give me a proper reason. It's always "oh your existance annoys me" or "Scum like you doesn't deserve to be alive". Well you know what? I am Avalon's youmger sister, I am from the same gene pool as her. We have the same hair type, face structure. She stood up for me. You never bullied her. What made her so 'special'?". Jack opened his mouth to speak but I glared at him and for once in his life, he shut up.

"Why am I finally standing up for myself, you all may be wondering. Well, I decided it's about fucking time I started doing my own saving. No more hiding behind Avalon, or Lissana or Kayden, Hunter or Blaine. They won't always be around to protect me. It's about time I stood up to you motherfuckers. So leave me the fuck alone. I have never done anything to you. If you could leave Avalon alone, you can leave me alone. It's really not that difficult. Also, Jack, Conner and Luke. Babes, it really won't look good if your future employers see videos on the internet of you physically and verbally abusing a girl with no reason. So. Back. Off.", I snapped, wiping at my tear stained face.

I push through the crowd, glaring at the teachers, "Oh and you fuckwit teachers? Thanks for just standing by and watching while I got hurt", I shoved past a teacher, stalking down the halls.

I was pretty far away from the crowd of people, Lissa still by my side. We were about to turn another corner when I heard whispers, and stuck out my hand to prevent her from walking further.

"Hunter how could you?!", a low voice asked angrily.

"How could you fucking do that to her?", another snapped.

It was safe to assume it was Blaine and Kayden confronting Hunter. But why?

"Because, she's so gullible she'd accept anyone showing remote signs of wanting to be her friend. She's fucking stupid. All I want is her friend anyway.", Hunter replied, a condescending tone to his voice.

"How could fuck us over like that? How could you fuck Aspen over like that?! You asshole", the second voice growled and hit the lockers.

Lissana turned to me, wide eyed with tears threatening to fall. I wrapped her in a hug, comforting her like she did for me a ten minutes ago.

I let go and stepped around the corner, glaring at Hunter. "Hunter. Honey. Get the fuck out of my life. Do not ever disgrace me with your presence ever again. You fucking asshole", I stepped up to him and slapped him.

I walked over to Kayden, who was the second voice I'd heard and kissed his knuckles that were bruised red.

"Hunter, I said leave. Don't think about coming near me or Lissana ever again. I would warn you about Kayden and Blaine but I'm fairly sure you know what they could do to you. You fucking prick.", I spoke, not turning around.

I heard him scoff and walk away, probably to his new friends.

Kayden looked at me in the eyes and hugged me tight, "Princess, I had no idea. I'm so sorry babygirl". I blushed bright red but hugged him back.

"What about the task?", Blaine asked.

I pulled out of the hug and turned to look at him, "Well, it was Hunters favourite on the list so we're taking it out completely. I absolutely hate it now so yep", I told him.

Blaine nodded just as the bell rang.

"I'll see you guys later yeah? Love you", I smiled, kissing Kayden on the cheek.

I swear I saw his cheeks go the slightest shade of pink.

***

A/N: HEY BABIESSS ITS ME BACK WITH ANOTHET.CHAPTER THATS RIGHT BOOOM CHAPTER 17 IK YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AGES WELL HERE YOU GOOOO!!!!!

this book is now on the slowest updates you've ever seen. not om hold but just very slow updates and some edits

but yes

HOPE YOU LIKED THIS

LOTS OF LOVE, SWEET AND SOUR SKITTLES

~CATHERINE XOX