HOLDEN: Book Two of The Dark Moon Series

Chapter 21

LUKA'S POV

The moment Rae left my sight at the party I was washed with so much guilt and anxiety that I had to sit down. Every nerve ending in my body wanted me to go after her and apologize but I couldn't. My place was at the party and I had to oversee everything and everyone there until it was over. Which sucked because Naal was more than willing to go to her aid... like he always does.

All throughout that event my mind was stuck on Rae and everything about her. It was like my head was a movie reel because all I could see or think about was moments of her. When we first met, my first shift, when she told me she loved me, the years without her, when she finally came back and so on and so forth. I could see everything playing out and all I could do was endure.

But as I watched myself all those years I could see one common thing that I never truly noticed before; the girls I've dated, had sex with or liked, they all have common features with Rae. Aria had deep brown hair and deep blue eyes, like Rae. Alina had the same skin colour as Rae did. Zuri's eyes reminded me of Rae but I didn't know it at the time. Even girls like Mei with her long black hair, it was the same length of Rae's when she straightened it. And Fatima danced like Rae did when she heard her favourite music playing. Everything always came back to Raelynn.

How did I not see this?

Because you are stupid and blind. You've let her get away too many times and this may just be the last straw.

It isn't anger that I hear in my wolf it's pain and worry.

How long have you known that you wanted Raelynn? I ask him honestly.

Right after your sister attacked her. Her scent was one thing but her blood confirmed it. She was made for us and you've f*cked it up time and time again.

It's not my fault! She is like a sister to me! I've watched her grow up with me. How could I think of her as anything else?

Easily! She is not your sister! She is only your friend! You've been searching for the qualities she possesses in other women for years now and you have found nothing in comparison. There is no one in the world like her and we both know it. She is of age now Luka just do something already.

Pure frustration fills my wolf and I feel it overwhelm me too. He's been feeling like this for years and instead of just blatantly telling me what he wants he wanted me to decide for myself.

This is what mom was talking about all those years ago. Sometimes your wolf already chooses who they want as a mate but the human part of us is too stubborn to see.

That evening was longer than any I've ever had. Time went by so slowly as if to taunt me for my mistake. Women flocked to me like sheep to its herder but I didn't care. Usually if I felt this confusion about Rae I would choose one of them to sleep with, someone who would have at least one trait that Rae had, but I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. Instead when the party was finally over and I was allowed to leave I went back to my room and showered thoroughly as if trying to wash the day's events from my skin.

When I went to bed that night I did something I've never done before, I touched myself. All of these years guys in high school and even in my final years at public school had talked about how great it felt. I never wanted to try it because I just didn't know who I would imagine when I did... but now... I could see her so clearly it was as if she was right in front of me.

I stroked my member to her eyes, her lips, her smile and her frown. I stroked harder to her hips and her full ass and squeezed at the sight of her growing breasts. I groaned at her long smooth legs and her toned arms. I sucked in a breath at her lightly swinging hips to the music. Even her painted nails made me stroke faster. Everything that was Raelynn Grace Rose Dawson made me harder than I've ever been before. And when I imagined her coming into this room and slowly taking off her dress... then I'd exploded. It was hard long spurts that consumed my stomach and chest. Even after it was finished I was still so sensitive and breathing heavy.