The Soulmate Theory (Phan AU)

Chapter 13

  My friends really pushed me to get back into the world. They helped me with the class work that I had missed, and all my teachers were understanding and sympathetic, giving me extended due dates on my work. And after a couple weeks, while I may not have been completely happy, I was happier. Sometimes little things would remind me of my brother, and I would cry randomly. On the year mark of Mum's death, my friends allowed me the day to myself, but took me out that night.

"You should celebrate the life your mum and brother had," Louise told me. "Even if they were cut short." So we did. Before we went out to a restaurant, we went down by the lake. They had me get two Mason jars, which I filled with small things reminding me of Mum and Martyn, and then we sealed the lids on tight.

They didn't tell me what we were doing, but I brought them and we all stood on the dock, shivering in the wind coming off of the water. "So," PJ began. "Each of us have lost someone close to us. I lost my grandfather a couple years ago, Louise an uncle," PJ looked at Dan, questioningly almost, and Dan nodded. "Dan went through an incredibly painful breakup, and Chris lost a cousin."

"And we've done this for each of us." PJ continued. "We get a Mason Jar, and fill it with things that remind us of that person. And then we throw it in the water. It's supposed to represent us letting go. We will always love and remember that person, but we have to let go and move on. We have to realize that it wasn't our fault for what happened."

I held onto the Mason Jars, and tears streamed down my face. "Are you ready?" Chris asked. I nodded. "Okay, then first you need to say something."

I took a deep breath. "Mum, I'm angry. I'm angry you left us, even though it wasn't your fault. I'm angry at the drunk driver. But I'm not going to be angry anymore. I love you, I always will. I will never forget you, and you will always be my mum. I hope that wherever you are, that you're reunited with Martyn, and that you won't forget us, either."

I set down Mum's jar.

"Martyn. I don't really know what happened, why you did. And one of my biggest regret is not forgiving you that day, but I want you to know that I forgive you now. You were the best big brother I could have asked for, even after you changed, I wouldn't have replaced you for the world. I love you, I'll never forget you, either."

Louise put a hand on my shoulder. "Now, you throw the jars as hard and as far as you can into the lake."

I took Mum's jar first, and I threw it, and watched it make a large splash in the water. I then too Martyn's and did the same; it landed just by Mum's.

Dan then handed me something else; a brick. I didn't question where he got it. "We also have this we want to throw, or drop in the lake since it's pretty heavy." He told me. "We want it to represent the walls you put up that you are taking down and getting rid of forever."

I walked to the edge of the dock, and dropped it in the water. "I'm done with the walls. No more."

"No more," Dan repeated. We all then left and went out to the restaurant.

I stayed the night at Dan's house, and as we were laying on the floor looking at his fake stars, I asked him, "Dan? What happened?"

"Hm?"

"With the breakup? I remember after I had ran to the bridge, you told me that you had broken up with Tyler, and today Peej mentioned an 'incredibly painful breakup' you went through."

"Oh." He said. "Tyler and I, we were together from freshman year, all through sophomore year. I swore that we were going to get married. But in March of sophomore year, I found out that he was cheating on me, that he had been cheating me with multiple guys almost the entire time we had been together. I found out because I was hanging out with Chris and I saw him kissing some other guy. I didn't say anything, but a couple weeks later, I saw him kissing a different guy."

I shook my head. "That's the worst thing I've ever heard, you don't deserve that, Dan."Dan shrugged and continued. "Then one day when we were hanging out, and I confronted him about it. He freaked out on me, told me it was my fault. That I wasn't good enough for him, which is why he cheated. I asked him why he didn't just break up with me if I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't respond."

"I told him we were over, then I left and went home. The next day at school, he made up a bunch of bullshit lies about me, that I was abusive to him, that I cheated on him. Everybody hated me, except for the Brit Clique. I got really depressed, and I tried to kill myself."

I looked at him for a second before pulling him into a hug and holding onto him. "Dan. I'm so, so sorry."

He started crying. "I obviously didn't succeed, and it took a lot of counseling and support from family and friends to be okay again. That's why when I saw you sad and alone, I came and talked to you. I didn't want to see anything like that happen to another person. Eventually the truth came out about Tyler, and people came and apologized to me about how they treated me."

I continued to hold him as he cried. "I'm so sorry that happened, Dan. I'm so glad you didn't succeed, I'm so glad that you're here with me and the rest of the Brit Clique."

"Me too."

"Dan?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you ever leave me."