OHSHC Cliche's

Lets talk about smut

Okay, let's talk about sex, or more importantly, anime sex.

So I was thinking about some Cliche's for smuts, not like I read them or anything *cough cough* and here are some of the most overused things involving smuts ranging from pairings to oc lemons.

1) Seven minutes in heaven
(I have seen it be 5 minutes also)
I get that seven minutes in heaven is supposed to be raunchy and all, but how in the hell do you just have sex knowing people are right outside? Like you're only supposed to make out, or give a blow job, not completely strip and do it. Another thing that I have seen is one minute in heaven, but the sex scene takes thirty minutes to read. Either the person finishes quickly, like in twenty seconds, or time legitimately freezes.

2) Back story
Usually smuts get right down to the point, anal/penetration, whatever it is you are reading. But some go as far as to make some elaborate reason why they are fucking in a janitors closet, ect... The stories also are so bizarre I have to read it twice just to understand why the hell they are screwing each other. One was because her eyes were so green it turned him on. #eyekink

3) Consent
The word no does not exist, not even a safe word. Almost every smut I have read starts with the main character not wanting to bang, but eventually get manipulated into sex. Usually it's the twins...

4) Common words ;)
Moan, wet, moist, penetrate, lick, wrap, grope, shiver, pain, pleasure, ect... But I get it, gotta have those powerful words in there.

4) The sounds of sex
Reading what they say as they are having sex is the funniest thing ever. Usually you get something like AH or Ooh, but whenever they try to dirty talk, it can sometimes just end up freaky. This is an example from one I have read, hopefully they don't find this:

"Fuck me harder daddy"

"Okay sweetie" he obliged and quickened his pace, not stopping to breath.

"Go harder"

"Shut up you bitch, or I will shit on your hole and make you lick it up" the way he said this turned me on

"What else?"

"I will pee in your mouth, and then rip your vagina into pieces."

Like what the fuck. My first issue with this is the daddy kink. Who wants to think about their dad while having sex? The second issue is how he can go without breathing. Btw this is a Kyoya smut, just thought I would throw that out there because he doesn't act like himself at all! This seemed like it was written by a 12 year old who didn't know what dirty talk actually was.

"Let me just shit in your mouth" like no. Stop. Plez.

I might make a part two talking individually about the smuts for each host, idk, what do you think?