Young Guns [Destiel Au]

Eleven

AN- ngl this is going to be a big long monologue of deep dark shit look in the info and if you see something you're not comfortable with then I'd advise against reading this.

Dean frowns slightly, but then  he nods. "Okay." he says, big green eyes gazing at Castiel in a way that made his breath hitch in his throat.

Castiel sits up, trying to appear professional and calm his nerves. He shouldn't be like this; he has told this story before. Hell he had lived it but telling yourself and some random federally approved therapist was one thing. Dean Winchester is a completely different story. Trying to keep his mind blank like he had done in the past. Castiel takes a deep breath, forcing himself to keep his emotions bottled up, to not be afraid. The thing is, Dean makes Castiel want to tell him everything. It wasn't like Dean was prying or demanding the information, he even told Castiel that it was okay to keep it to himself and that was the problem. Dean trusted him and deep down Castiel knew that he wouldn't hate him for his mistakes like so many others did. It was enough to give him hope again. Hope that someday Castiel could forgive himself. Sighing softly Castiel begins to speak.

"Three years ago Samandriel joined the bureau. He was there a year before they decided he was fit to be a part of our task force. I had only been with the bureau for a few years but I had just finished a case involving a hostage situation and had somehow gotten everyone out intact. They decided that my recent success made me worthy enough to be the kids mentor."

Castiel can feel a smile on his face, stupid and nostalgic. "You should have seen him Dean. Bouncing around as we made our way into integrations or crime scenes. Asking me all these questions. I mean he was only two years younger than me but he seemed to think that I knew everything. I didn't hate it though, Dre was probably one of the smartest rookies I had ever seen and giving the chance I knew he could have been great. So when they asked for volunteers for the undercover mission I pushed for both off us to get on the team." Cas stops himself, head hanging in shame. "Biggest mistake of my life."

"It was a small group. Me, Dre, Anna and Rachel. We were all giving a new home, a new background. Spent weeks prepping to get into our rolls. We worked out early on that some of the students at CBD we're dealing Croatan and Rachel and Dre were sent there. I was sent to a gas station two blocks out that was supplying the dealers and Anna was sent to a bar doing the same thing. At first not much happened, we just slowly worked our way into the ranks, becoming friends with the right people. After a month both Rachel and Dre were dealing and I was politely supplying them from a Gas and Sip's stock room."

"Wait" Dean interrupts eyebrows arched. "Let me get this straight the FBI just lets it agents become drug dealers. You actually sold this shit."

Castiel nods solemnly. "You have to understand Dean being undercover isn't like being a CI. You have to make yourself the best you can be. Get as high up the food chain as you can, doing whatever it takes to work the case out." Castiel roughly scratches his jaw, trying to get rid of the agitation building under his skin. "At least that's what I used to believe."

H"I was determined to get as high up the supply chain as possible, my ego had clearly inflated from my last case and I thought I was ready for anything. Could handle anything. Naturally that's when Balthazar came along." Dean looks at Castiel curiously as if trying to understand the significance of the man's name. Castiel just rolls his eyes, hating his past self. "He was a dealer. But not some random College kid. He was high up and he walked into the station one day and he came onto me. And like the idiot I was I flirted back, not because I was interested or lonely but I stupidly thought I could manipulate him. Get him to take me further into the fold. Clearly I underestimated Baz's manipulation skills. He took me to a club and we both attempted to play each other the entire night. Somehow I found myself surrounded by other dealers all talking and laughing and knew I had a way in, all I needed to do was impress these guys. So I did something stupid."