Ashamed

I.......

Nicki's POV

~6 months later~

"Justin stop. It's not like that." I pleaded following him out of our secret meet up place, where we meet in between classes so no one sees us. It's not that I don't want to be seen with my boyfriend, it's just I don't want to be called a slut for going from brother to brother so quickly. I haven't seen Jason since the incident at Stacy's house. Rumor has it that he dropped out and moved out of his parents seperate house that we were living in together. He completely vanished. His friends blames me for his disappearance, But enough about the irrelevant stuff, back to the stuff that matters. Justin wants to let everyone know that we're dating, but I'm just not ready for that yet. But he doesn't understand that. He thinks I'm afraid of getting teased because he's a nerd and I'm popular. It's most definitely not the reason. I love him, even though he doesn't know it.

"NO! Onika, you're ashamed of me. Just admit something for once in your damn life." He turned around after I grabbed his arm from leaving our secret meet up spot, aka the auditorium.

"Babe, I promise. It's not that, I'm just afraid that-"

"You're gonna get teased because I'm a nerd right? Because I'm the joke of this school. Just fucking admit it!"

"Justin please-"

"Just tell me one think Onika."

"Anything."

"Are you ashamed of me?"

I looked down and played with my pointy faux nails, my eyes were welling up with tears. Is now the right time to tell him?

He waited for a few moments for me to answer him, then proceeded to walk away.
"Babe, please don't-"
"NO!! Just tell me the truth Onika. Tell me the truth so we can end whatever we have. Whatever this is between us."

Whatever this is?

I didn't want to tell him that's not the reason because then he would want the "real reason" and I'm just not ready to confess my love for him. I'm just not.

"Look, lets just forget we ever did this, okay? You can go hang out with your girls and I'll be okay by myself." He gave me a sympathetic smile and started to walk away. I said the one thing that made him stop in his tracks.

"Justin- JUSTIN I LOVE YOU!" He stopped. But didn't turn around to face me just yet. "I'm in love with you. The reason for me hiding our relationship is because I dated Jason in front of the whole school. If they see that I moved on with his brother, my reputation will be ruined."

In that moment, he turned around to look at me, with tears in his eyes and a shocked expression. I continued with my speech.

"I am just so scared of  being called a slut or whore. I love you Justin, but I'm just afraid. Afraid of what I'll be called. I'm not ashamed of you in any way shape or form babe. But I do want to keep my reputation clean. I want a fresh start. I don't wanna be the popular girl if it means giving you up. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. If I wouldn't have dated Jason, this would be easy for me." I put up the air quotes around 'popular girl'. Justin remained quiet, staring at me. Which made me scared and uncomfortable.

"Please say something. Please. It's okay if you don't love me back I just thought-"

I was cut off by his lips smashing into mine, making my mind forget all that was happening. I didn't even realize that he was inching towards me the whole time I was talking. I guess I was just really in the moment.