Love Sick : The After Story

Declined

[Noh's Point Of View]

"And so now he is mad at me.. and I don't know what to do.", I finish telling my story and I find the attentive expressions of those that surround me, staring at me intently as they try to process the ten minute speech I just gave them and find the proper advice that I know they want to give me. I watch as Yuri's lips begin to move but instead of hearing her girlish voice, I hear the angry voice of Mai who interrupts her girlfriend, "Are you fucking stupid?! Why are you trying to get him to speak to his parents?! Don't you remember all the pain they caused both of you?! Honestly, he is in his right to be angry at you. I would be mad too."

I move my eyes from Yuri to place them on Mai, who currently has her arms crossed and is glaring at me. Meanwhile, her girlfriend scolds her and orders her to take her words back and apologize to me but the latter simply ignores her and turns her head away from her. "Don't listen to her, Noh! You're doing the right thing!", Yuri turns to look at me and holds my hands, giving me a reassuring smile but I can't be so sure about her statement. Even though I hated to admit it, Mai knew better when it came to Phun. She had been the one to be there when I had failed him. And so she knew just how much he had hurt back at that time. And probably, knew what was better in this moment.

After a moment of silence, Mai finally lets out a sigh and stands up from her chair. Taking a few steps towards the exit, she stops and turns to look at me, pronouncing the next words, "Look, I don't know whether this is right or wrong. It might be the right thing but not in this moment. I think there's a lot of wounds that need to be healed inside his heart first. And those wounds can only be healed with your help; not with their help." Once those words are spoken, she continues on her path without looking back. Yuri stands up from her chair and starts to follow her love as she screams, "Where are you going without me?!" "To see Phun!", Mai mutters before they are both out of our sight.

I feel the concerned expressions of those left fall on me while I stare thoughtfully at the door through which the two girls left. Wounds that only you can heal, I think about Mai's words. I knew exactly what Mai was trying to convey with her message. This wasn't necessarily about his parents, this was about me. Phun's actions made it known to me this morning and now I knew what I had to do. Before Phun could fix things with his parents, he needed to get rid of the fear that invaded his heart and that was related to me. I needed to get him to trust me once again. The question was, how could I get his stubborn ass to trust me again?

After six long hours of work, I finally arrive at our little apartment or like Phun usually calls it, "Our love nest". I smile at what I would normally find stupid while I place the key in the doorknob and open the door. My smile is replaced by a pout when I enter the house and encounter darkness. Had Phun gone to sleep without me? He usually waited for me to comeback so we could go to sleep together. He would always say he couldn't sleep without holding me in his arms and making sure I had returned safely. But things had been strange all day long and I didn't even need to ask him to know what this was about. He was still angry at me and was planning to give me his usual cold shoulder.

Taking my leather jacket off and throwing it on the couch, I begin to make my way through the darkness towards our bedroom. Opening the door slowly, I peep inside to find a body lying under the comforter. I knew who that body belonged to and that such person was angry at me. But instead of playing ignorant like I would normally do, today I was decided to get him back no matter what. Even if I had to humiliate myself.. by taking the initiative.

Stripping myself of my clothes, I make my way silently to the bed before throwing myself next to him. When he feels the mattress sink with my weight, he opens his eyes and looks at me. It doesn't take him long before he notices that I'm naked, but instead of throwing himself at me like I expected, he simply turns his back on me. Oi! Aren't you going to play a move like you normally do?! I even got naked for you!

Facing his back, I bite my lower lip as I try to gather the courage to make the first move. Hey! I wasn't used to playing the aggressive role! It was actually embarrassing! Scooting closer to him, I tie my arms to his waist and glue my lips to his neck. Kissing his neck sensually, I press my body against his, feeling his warmth warm me all over. I suck on the spots that I knew that drove him crazy and felt as his body tensed in my embrace. Good! This is working! Just a little longer! I started to move my tongue upwards to his ear but before I could lick his earlobe, I heard his firm voice, "Stop."

At his order, I instantly stop and stare at him confused. Huh? He just told me to stop. This was the first time that he made me stop when it came to sex. Even in Phun's worst moments, he melted whenever I took the initiative. But today, he wasn't responding to my attempts, which only concerned me. Because this made me realize just how serious and affected he felt about this issue.

Giving up on the idea of sex, I hold him tighter and press my face against his shoulder. With my forehead pressed against his skin, I try to think of a proper way to convey my feelings to him. I needed to find a way to bring the subject to him without getting him to remember the past. I knew that if he came to remember those days, he would just close up again and right now, I needed him to open his heart to me. "Phun.. I know you're angry at me.. I'm so sorry.. I just thought this was the right thing for you.. I just want you to be happy.. And I know just how much you miss your parents.." I mumble against his shoulder, wetting his skin with the moist of my lips.

There's no reply and for a moment, I start to think that he has fallen asleep but then, I hear him speak in an exhausted voice, "I don't need my parents to be happy. What I need is you and only you." Even though those words made me really happy, I knew that they were a lie. Shaking my head, I argue back, "No! You're lying! Even though you say you're happy, I know you're not entirely happy! Please be honest and stop pretending!"

"Alright! I do miss them! I miss them like crazy! I would give anything to have them by my side and to be able to call myself their son again.." He turns around suddenly, crashing me with his weight. I push him off of me and scoot back to my side to face him as he talks.

"But if having them means losing you, then I don't want them because even though their absence is painful, yours would be my death.", He tells me and despite the darkness, I can still see the crystal clear tears that are rolling down his cheeks.

Feeling my heart ache at the pain resembled in his eyes, I lean down to plant a kiss in each one of his cheeks, tasting his salty tears on my lips. "You won't lose me, Phun.. I promise you I won't leave you.." I whisper against his lips and start to lean down to seal the promise with a kiss, however, he pulls back before I can touch his lips with mine. "That's exactly what you said back then.. but yet you still abandoned me.." He spits with resentment and makes me remember all of my faults.

Not being able to argue or contradict him, I remain quiet and lower my vision, feeling ashamed to look into his eyes. "I'm.. I'm so sorry..", That's the only thing I can say to describe how I felt. Letting out a sigh, he turns around and gives me his back once again. "Lets.. just forget about this, okay? We are alright without my parents. I don't want you to go through all that pressure again. You aren't good at bearing with pressure, anyways.. I don't want to take the risk..", Phun pronounces the last two sentences coldly before saying goodnight, leaving me with nothing else but guilt. After a few minutes of processing everything, I cover my naked body with the comforter and finally allow myself to cry silently against the pillow. Remembering all the bad decisions I made in the past made me torn.

If I was hurting this much at the memory, I couldn't imagine how much Phun was hurting. We both had managed to forget about those memories and to move on but today, we had been reminded of those painful memories and were both hurting..

And once again, my mind was sending me back to that time.. when I failed Phun as I never thought I would..