Bad Little Californian

Chapter 20

Kylie POV

I felt my eyes pupils to flicker around in the darkness and my mind starting to 'activate', groaning quietly to myself as the numbness of my body was replaced with an uncomfortable burn buzzing in my stomach. Without opening my eyes I lifted my body off the mattress, distributing my weight onto my elbows and cautious not to stretch out my stomach Dumping myself against the brick like pillows I brought my stiffened hand to my eye but instead of feeling the skin of my hand run against my eye it was replaced with a blunt sandpaper feel.

Finally decided to open my heavy eyelids I was met with the natural lighting that scattered through the unusually bright room but I noticed how my left hand was wrapped in a thin, almost translucent bandage along with my hospital wrist tag. I sighed and lowered my hand so it hovered over my stomach; turning it around and clenching my fingers to test the mobility of my castrated limb. Shrugging to myself I kicked the blanket off my body and pressed my bare feet onto the cold tiled floor, a shudder vibrating through my legs as I tried to stand up like everything was normal but instantly lost balanced and grabbed onto the bed frame. Great. just perfect.

Holding onto anything that was near me I stumbled into the bathroom, clasping one hand onto the sink basin so my knees didn't give out, with the other hand I turned on the cold water and let it trickle down the drain as I looked into the tiny mirror screwed on the wall. I was a lot paler than normal, my eyes were darker and my lips were swollen. I looked ill. I looked like I was just resurrected from the dead.

Breathing deep breaths through my nose I leant down - ignoring the throbbing in my stomach - and splashed the cold water over my cold skin, droplets of water racing down my neck and staining the white of the hospital dress slightly.
At least I didn't have a dream this time; just darkness. I always thought that you'd forget about dreams when you woke up; maybe in a matter of minutes or hours but I can still vividly imagine it, like I'm back in those placed again. I don't understand what any of it means, well I do, I lived though most of them but I don't get why I dreamed it up. Or how.

What does it mean? Mario was a strong believer of the deeper meaning of dreams; he was crazy when it came to subjects like these. He knows everything about them: vivid dreaming, out of body dreaming, nightmares you name it and Mario will tell you more than Wikipedia could ever tell you.

Flinging the now damp towel onto its rack I threw the disposable tooth brush into the trash can wiping the side of my lips with the tip of my finger. True: I grew up in a rough, grimy area but I still have my own bodily hygiene expectations. Finally getting used to this whole walking without falling gig I made my way to the door, bored of this room already.

In my opinion I've been in this creepy place for way to long.
Not just the hospital. But here, in the west coast.
I stepped out the door, a few people wandering around but too wrapped up in their own thoughts and responsibilities to care if I was there or not. I paced down the hallway, searching for the stairs back down to A floor so I could actually interact with humans I care about and maybe they care for me too. I know they care for me (otherwise they wouldn't go through so much trouble trying to find me) and don't get me wrong I'm completely grateful for the most part but deep down I don't feel welcome. I don't belong here; in rich and pretty California where everyone has everything they could wish for. 

I shouldn't even be here: I should be back in Jersey with Alex and Acacia and Mario; I should be working in the diner and sneaking into the rich part of Jersey with Acacia to loiter and intimidate. I should be boxing non stop with Mario and slacking off with Alex. I should be wandering around the streets, a knife and my attitude as a weapon when trouble comes my way and yes, I'm fully aware its not's the safe, or a healthy lifestyle to grow up into.

But its my home. And I'm homesick.

I don't know, I've been thinking about leaving there ever since that morning when Hayes lost it with me when Nash was admitting into this hospital. I ruined these boys' perfect lifestyles! They were fine without me but the minute we were 'classily' introduced to one another they've been in the middle of constant drama, angst and unwanted stress. I should stop thinking about stuff like this. It didn't matter to anyone about how I felt so I guess I should just ignore the voiced in my head too.

My bare feet brushed against the floor as I pushed open the doors in the way of the staircase and the ground floor which held Nash and the other boys. I glanced down at my bare legs as I stepped into the new hallway, heading to the room I spent my night with Nash in. I bet Hayes is there, I know for a fact that Hayes has been stuck in that waiting room ever since his older brother got admitted. And I also know he still blames me for it; for everything bad that's happened but I see where he's coming from. I don't hate Hayes, I don't think I ever could given the history we have but sadly he hates me. Despite everything he hates my to the core.

Coming face to face with the doors that separated me from them I froze. Not in fear but to look through the blurred glass that conjoined the door with the wall. I watched as their blurry figures roamed around in a more lively state since the last time I saw them. I stayed there until I notice one of them face me, his features unrecognizable but I know he can see me. Standing there like a creep outside the waiting room watching them. Yeah, maybe I should go in and be a little less creepy.

Pushing the door open I was greeted by many stares, putting on a face a rose my eyebrow and quickly brushed my thumb across my bottom lip. 
"What? Why do you all look like you've seen a ghost?" I cocked my head to the side and stepped further into the room, the door closing behind me. 

"Why are you wearing that?" I turned to Hayes to glared at me, staring me up and down, trying to be intimidating but I could see through his fake, hard expression.

"Its a fashion statement" I rolled my eyes, turning to everyone else,
"Damn I thought you'd be a little more excited to see me" I pouted playfully but the silence in the room was distracting.
"Okay, seriously, what happened?"

"Kylie?" I flipped around at the unsure voice and my eyed widened and y mind went blank. She stood there, after all these years she stood there, her foot stopping the door and a coffee cup in her hand, the other holding her huge phone but all I could do was stare at was her face. She looked just like Gina but with lighter eyes and a more natural, non plastic face.

"Oh my God, I missed you so much. You've grown up so much" she finally said after the long silence, her voice cracking  little. I didn't know what to say I just stared at her. A little hesitation later she came up to me and wrapped her arms around me. I tensed up and squirmed out of her hold.

"You cant be serious" I mumbled. A hurt and confused look on her face.
She left me as well. She was never there for me and now she suddenly appears....

The awkward moment when you thought you pressed publish yesterday but instead you pressed save ...