money to spend ❖ joshler/brallon

Momentary Relief/Tear Stained Cheeks

josh wakes up feeling empty. both emotionally and physically. the bed feels bigger, it feels cold. cursing himself, he gets up only to realize that none of tyler's clothes or any important belongings are in the house.

the memory of brendon taking the things with him slaps him in the face. it hurts.

he takes a deep breath and decides to take a bath. not a shower, but a bath. he doesn't enjoy them that much since they are nothing but you sitting in your own filth. today's the exception.

it surprises him when he notices tyler's bath salts, bubble bars and other soaps are there. those are one of the things that get his little to get to his headspace. he snaps out of his thoughts; the last thing on his mind should be tyler. but here he is, almost crying because of a jar with baby pink colored salt grains that smell like roses.

pull yourself together, joshua.

he prepares the bath the same way he does it for tyler, except less bubbles.

no matter how much he tries to get his boyfriend out of his head by focusing on relaxing or even playing music as he sits on the bath for what seems forever..but it's only about half hour or so.

it's not the peaceful time dallon begged him to take. he is becoming more anxious and stressed. everything is tyler and nothing else is on his head. he wonders if he is doing fine, if he is happy that he doesn't have to worry about being emotionally unstable for a few days.

in every angle josh looks at the situation, he understands why tyler is most likely in heaven right now. he is staying with his best friend in a household that truly cares about his well being 24/7. as much as he wants to prove himself being a good guy, he can't help but realize what an asshole he has been since weeks ago.

all tyler has done is love him unconditionally and constantly give him second chances because he doesn't want to end up alone. stockholm syndrome? perhaps. attachment issues? maybe. total and utter love for a person who doesn't even try to pay attention to them anymore? definitely.

i'm such a jerk..

he wishes he can go back in time and fix everything, but the universe doesn't work that way. this works out. now that he has messed up, he can take a look at how awful he can truly be and not make that same mistake again...right?

as he sighs in disbelief, he lets his mind wash over with happy memories of tyler and him.

he closes his eyes and fully commits to the flashbacks. they are making him ache for tyler's company. the smell of the bath salts and other things he used on the water almost covers all of his senses to fool his mind. it all adds up to make him feel like he is with tyler. the only thing missing is touch.

oh, boy, what he would give to hold tyler right now. he wants to hug him, kiss him; embrace every single inch of his delicate body. to be honest, he has never felt this way about anyone before. the mere feeling of loneliness is terrible. he wants to go back to dallon's house and take him back.

but i can't. he is better off without me.

the happiness turns into sadness. the water on his body is not only from the bath now. he quietly sobs as he pictures a life without tyler. he would be the worst version of himself. that version might become true if he doesn't redeem himself.

let's just hope he doesn't drown in his tears before that.

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