Journal: Page Doce
10 August 2009 5:10 am
Marcus's room
I had a nightmare yesterday.
A nightmare that wasn't just devastating (like every other nightmare), but also felt suspiciously real. All I can do is hope and pray that everything I experienced wasn't an experience but a play put up by my unconscious self.
It all began with the lady in pale-white holding a candle.
It was nearing dawn and I couldn't get my mind over the tapes I'd found earlier. I'd tried everything—Sheep counting, staring into space, even reading. But all I got in return were twisted versions of the tapes. The sheep turned into caskets of tapes, the ceiling into a screen that showed the last tape I watched and the books had words like — 'Hospitals', 'White' and 'Sheets'.
It was enough to turn a sane boy mad.
And just as my consciousness had begun to slip, the door creaked open to reveal a lady clad in a white nightgown and a candle.
My blood froze. My heart leaped up to my throat, and while my mind kept screaming at me to run my legs remained rooted to the spot.
It was only later, upon careful inspection, did I learn that the light was from a torch and the girl was actually Ellie.
I really needed to lay off my horror movies.
She opened her mouth and let out a string of curses that would make a sailor blush. I knew I had my mouth wide open.
Soon after, she bombarded me with her questions.
How was I?
What was wrong with me?
Was I ready to talk to her?
She cringed a little while saying the last part. The words triggered a memory long forgotten.
Ellie was around the age of five years when it happened.
It was summer and mom had decided that taking us for an ice cream was the perfect way to 'beat the heat', as she liked to call it.
Ellie, being the happy-go-lucky kid had happily complied while I, on the other hand was adamant on going over to Ben's house. All the cool kids were having a party and the ten-year-old me could not wrap his head around the concept of ditching the 'IT' party at school for a measly family outing.
After numerous protests and tantrums I, begrudgingly might I add tagged along. However, I made sure my disapproval was loud and clear, if the constant scowls and dragging feet were any indication of the same.
We were sitting in the ice cream booth, happily licking our ice creams when a man stopped by and started a conversation with Ellie.
I'd completely tuned the conversation out before a snippet caught my attention.
" —your brother?"
"Oh no. He doesn't talk to me. He only talks to his friends." Ellie replied.
What struck me was the casual way she'd let it out. Like it was something she'd come to accept over time.
I felt the same kind of guilt hit me again today, six years hence.
And that was when I let it out.
I cannot explain to you why I did it. I can't even tell you if it was the guilt or the selfishness that led me to tell her everything. What I do know, is that telling it to her made me feel lighter.
I told her everything. Right from the teddy-switch to how I'd come to my present form.
I was met by deathly silence upon the completion of the tale.
Then, she slowly stood up and gently gathered the folds of her nightgown, careful not to make a sound. Hesitating only for a moment, she swept out of the room.
A moment later she was back and was hugging me fiercely—as though she was afraid I might disappear.
I let a smile appear on my face as I felt her arms around me.
And maybe- just maybe, baring my soul to her had been worth it.
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