CLOUDED MINDS , NATE MALOLEY

.5// nate

kassidy

it was after twelve, i slid on my shoes and slipped out the door. i started this thing years ago, where i would go down to the bridge and look at the water. i was on the verge of jumping off at one point.

i started walking down the side walk, afraid of nothing tonight. everything was bothering me, and nate never left my head. i just cant figure out what i did to him.

i made it to the old brick bridge, someone already sitting there. i sighed and sat on the opposite side, not wanting to make contact. i dangled my feet over it looking at the water.

"why can't i just be normal?" i asked myself, sighing deeply.

"because society said no, you're you for a reason." the person beside said, i didn't know i said it out loud. i realized it was nate.

"i'm me so everyone else can hate on me?" i questioned, turning to look at him.

"no, you're here for a reason." i laughed.

"sure, i have no purpose." i said, and in this moment i thought about it again. i thought about it for the millionth time. should i jump?

"that's what you say, but when you look around there's more things in your life than you think." i laughed.

"i only have one thing in my life." nate sighed.

"at least you have something." he sighed, i turned to look at him.

"like you said, there's more things in your life than you think," i jumped down onto the side walk. "you just have to look. i'll see you at school, nate." i replied starting to walk away.

i didnt look back. i started thinking again; nate and i may have things in common now. he sounded so hurt, i realized that just because you have that beautiful smile, doesn't mean you're okay.

i sighed walking in the all too familiar neighborhood. i slipped in the door again, taking off my shoes and tip toeing back upstairs. benjy was still asleep in my bed.

i took off my black hoodie, throwing it on the floor. i crawled in the bed with benjy. my phone silently buzzed, i looked over at it expecting it to be the groupchat, but instead nate texted me.

nate; i'm sorry i ignored you.

nate; i'm a asshole, i know.

nate; and i'm sorry for turning away when you smiled at me

nate; i dont want you to hate me, and i dont hate you.

nate; i just wanted you to know

nate; and no you're wrong for once, kassidy, i have no purpose

kassidy; stop it, you have something to live for, nate, wether you see it or not, you do, and i dont hate you, i was just confused to why you ignored me and then you didnt go to school after that and i got scared a bit

kassidy; i got scared that you didnt like me either because i'm so use to everybody hating me , and it didnt surprise me if you did , but i just didnt know what i did to you

nate; kassidy, i dont hate you we all have problems and i have to deal with mine and it was one of those bad days that i had and i didnt want to take it out on your nor swazz i didnt mean to seem rude

kassidy; its fine , i was just confused and i understand you have problems because i did too but you know you can come to me right ?