The Exile

Chapter 16: Emergencies and Makeups

A full two weeks have come and gone. The house seems colder, emptier than it ever has before. I hated how the halls echo. How empty each room seemed. How quiet things are when nobody is around to laugh. No little boys racing through the halls, no beautiful woman chasing after him. Koul has even been affected by their absence. I sat in my room most days, ignoring the days as they came. Most of the time, I spent my time with my knees held up against my chest as I sat in the dark. 

It felt like the world just stopped spinning and I was powerless to move it again. 

This time, it was permanent. This time, I wouldn't get a second chance at love. There was nothing I could do this time. That harsh reality struck me hard, harder than the first time. 

"You're looking pretty upset."

I turn in the bed to look up at my mother, who was standing in the doorway of my bedroom. Dressed in a white peacoat, with her blonde hair braided down, to lay on one shoulder. She walked into my room slowly, and then took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Why did you do it?" I ask, looking up at the ceiling that seemed so far away now. Was my ceiling always that high up? "Has it ever occurred to you that I wanted to be dead after what I did?"

Fate rests her hand back against the mattress and leaned her weight back. "Erin, let me ask you something. If Fletcher was your child, would you love him no matter what mistakes he made in his life?"

I look over at my mother, but she was watching my window, or rather, the snow falling outside of it. "Yes, of course I would."

"And if he was hurt, would you do anything you could to make sure he was all right?" 

"Yes."

"Exactly," she states. "I know I haven't been the best mother to you during your life, Erin. I'm a failure as a mother to most of my children. I understand why you would want to escape the life given to you, I do. But... Erin, you're my daughter. I know you hate it, but I couldn't just let you wither away because of one mistake. You're strong and smart, I knew you'd be able to right your wrongs."

The boiling anger and frustration still waiting to be released broke right then. Everything that has happened in the last two weeks that caused me misery was coming undone and I was standing up out of the bed, because suddenly, I had so much energy. And nothing I could do with it. 

"I'm not," I said as I stepped toward the window. "That's the thing, Fate. I've failed again. Myrina will hate me for the rest of my life because of the mistakes I've made. Some people just aren't made for love. Maybe I wasn't."

"That's a lie," Fate said immediately and the look in her eyes was so intense and so great that it took me off guard. "If anyone deserves love, it's you, Erin. It's all of my daughters. Even though most of them, if not all, has never found that, I want just one daughter of mine, at least... to find someone."

"I did, but I... I just..." my eyes began to tear up and I sit up, only to lower my head in shame and frustration. The tear drop dripped onto the metallic hand in my lap and made a loud sound in the quiet room. My shoulders dropped as I looked up at my mother. "I just don't know what to do anymore, mommy."

One second, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, with my head in my hands and my body quaking and the next, I feel her arms around me and her lips pressing into my hair. I felt the motherly contact I'd always desired as a kid, and as a teen... hell, even now. And as she held me, whispering in my ear and rubbing my back, something inside me just clicked. 

The barrier between us hadn't gone. But it felt as though it was coming crumbling down. I realized it wasn't her that needed to change. It was me. She was willing to give this relationship a try and all I needed to do was say yes.