IT'S ABOUT TIME - rants

3: MUSIC

Fuck. There are a helluva lot of things I hate about the music industry, so there may or may not be a part 2 to this rant in the near future (okay, the 'near' part is probably a lie; y'all know I never update this {okay, the 'y'all' part is probably a lie, I know there isn't anyone reading this}).

Let's warm ourselves up with an easy one: music elitists.

See, I honestly think these might be the worst kind of people. No joke -- Why the fuck do you think your music is better than anyone else's?

Let me put this in perspective. My brother does this really stupid thing where he makes up his mind about something and doesn't change it. Lately, he's been wholeheartedly convinced that the Spanish language sounds much better to the ear than french. Beyond that, he thinks french is downright ugly.

Excuse me?? Me and my 8 years of french classes happen to think french sounds just fucking fine, thank you very much. But the point is, he's so sure that his  COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE  language preference can be taken as fact.

Mmmm no, son.

Now common guys, I think if you try really really hard, you can connect the dots on this one. Between the lot of you and your grand total of 6 IQ points, I'm sure you should be able to pull some sort of answer out of your ass (NO JENNIFER! BAD JENNIFER! NO SNIFFING!)

*jeopardy music plays*

Right, before Jennifer overheats, let's just get this over with. MUSICAL PREFERENCES ARE SUBJECTIVE. So that means you, who listens exclusively to whatever the fuck BVB stands for (or is it PVP? PTV? PTSD? that's gotta be it.. maybe just TSD? GOT IT: STD. that's it.) (side rant: why in the name of fuck are there acronyms for these goddamn band names -- type out the full thing and I assure you, your twat-o-meter will jump down a few notches)(im lost. The fuck am i even ranting about anymore?)

Look. If you exclusively listen to one type of music under the assumption that it's somehow better than another genre, you're sorely mistaken. And you're missing out on a ton of good shit. So shut the fucking fuck up about how taylor swift and Kristen Stewart and paula dean are ruining the music industry, and shut the fucking fuck up about how smashmouth is the only REAL music left, and SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP ABOUT HOW YOU WERE BORN IN THE WRONG GENERATION CAUSE BITCH GOOD MUSIC STILL EXISTS YOU JUST GOTTA FUCKIN LOOK PAST THE FUCKING FRONT PAGE OF YOUR GODDAMN YOUTUBE.

This applies to the hipsters too! Your music isn't better because you strummed your guitar with a toothbrush instead of a pick, or because you're wearing mismatching shoes and are balanced on a fucking inukshook (so there's exactly a 0% chance I spelled that correctly).

You know how we have to keep reminding 12 year olds in youtube comments that random does not equal funny? In the same way, different does not equal more valuable! Doing anything for the sole purpose of being different is just as bad as doing something to fit into a trend. The fuck is wrong with you people?

Here's part two of shit I hate about the music industry: the morals.

Ya ya, bible thumpers and straight edges will get all riled up and out how our music show that  'we're living in a secular age where no one cares about anything other than sex, money, and drugs' cause that's all people sing about. But all i care about are sex, money, and drugs too, so i'm all good there to be honest (okay this isnt true but i can only rant about so much, y'know?).

And the music industry is doing pretty good at eliminating most types of discrimination, in terms of racism, sexism, etc. Not perfect, but getting there.

But there's one really idiotic thing that's in lyrics for music -- and it pretty much traverses all genres (hear that, STD fans?) and its this:

Writers don't like the idea of aging. 

Look, I get it. I'm young myself (I mean, age is relative, but relative to the average population, I'm young.) and aging is a terrifying prospect.  Losing your looks, your health, your brain, your sex life — it's not the most desirable endgame, especially when you have to live with the knowledge that it is an endgame -- you're closer to heaven (or hell)  than you ever have been.

But it's not a bad thing. Its not! We paint the picture of decrepit nursing homes and lonely days of senectitude in our brains, and we're so sure it's going to be us. And the fear of that drives us to cling to our youth like it's some tangible thing, and ignore the looming nightmare that will become of us.

So we write songs about never growing older, never growing up, staying forever young. We forget that we're getting older until we're older, then we rewrite our definition of older and forget about it again. We associate happiness with youth, and assume that everyone who is not young is suffering because they aren't.

Maybe they do. I'm not stupid. I know there are sad, bitter old people in the world.  But maybe we made them that way.

here's a hypothetical for you guys that cant see what i mean by this:

Lets replace age with weight. So songs are all about 'we ain't ever gaining weight' and 'here's to never growing fat' and 'forever skinny, I wanna be, forever skinny'

Pretty fucked up right? How are you going to feel if you're fat? Like shit. You're going to feel like shit.

but no, this hypothetical isnt done yet. To an extent, you can control whether or not you get fat — and that's more than can be said for the aging process.

So, imagine that every child was born skinny. And as they grew, they became more and more fat, regardless of their eating choices. Instead of becoming wrinkly and saggy, everyone just grew outwards until they became roughly ball shaped and had to be transported via either a tow truck, a wheelbarrow, and/or ball bearings. Ya, i can see you now — wrinkling your nose in disgust and shaking your head to yourself. Not me, you're thinking. I wouldnt get fat.

YES, YOU FUCKING WOULD! ITS MY GODDAMN HYPOTHETICAL AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH IT. 

But seriously, do you see how little sense it makes? Casting a negative light on something inevitable? Something that you WILL become? Insulting your future self?

No fat person would be happy! Why would they, all sources of media they grew up with told them that WHEN THEY GOT FAT THEY WOULD BE SAD. what the fuck is the purpose of that? Stop singing about how you want to stay young, and sing about how lucky you'll have been to grow old. How living that long is a privilege that should be revered.

It's stupid.  Really fucking stupid.

Ugh. 

(A/N Whoops. it seems that i have forgotten to update for the past few eons. my bad.)