Luminescence

Tremble

(TW// suicide, mental illnesses discussed)

As he swung open his front door, he had felt the bitter autumn air nip at the brim of his nose and the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.

"I can't believe you, I can't stand you, you're a worthless piece of shit, just go away!"

The words felt like knives being stabbed into his spine and had somehow triggered a reaction in his head to let out every emotion that could have possibly been trapped in his mind. All at once, Josh slammed the door with all of his might and stormed away from the front porch of the house that him and his friend at the time, Brendon had shared.

"Worthless piece of shit."

The words played like a broken record over and over, his mind was taunting him and he saw no way out. Josh had already been feeling slightly buzzed from the whiskey that lingered on his breath. He wanted the loneliness to disappear, to go away. He wanted to just go away.

Josh had no idea of the current time and had no desire to find out either. Brendon had made it clear anyways, he doesn't matter.

"You don't matter, you piece of shit, stop acting like you're so surprised."

Josh had come to terms with the voice in the back of his mind. After about the first 15 minutes of walking he had found himself walking across a bridge that separated two separate neighborhoods. His nose shined a bright red as the breeze felt like it was getting stronger. It was fairly cold for only being October, colder than usual.
Josh had been walking back and forth across the bridge for ten minutes, tracing his fingers over the concrete slabs that rested upon posts that were connected to the road. Josh had his fingers resting over the square box that sat in his pocket. He had forgotten that he had a box of cigarettes in his pants pocket, he'd never actually tried one before, he thought they were disgusting, but he had been curious as to why so many people smoked them. With trembling hands, he reached in his pocket and grabbed the box, fussing with the opening tab, he ripped the box open and quickly pulled a single one out, placing it between his fingers. He swiftly reached for the pocket of his jacket and grabbed a lighter, quickly flicking it on, exposing a small flame that lit up the darkness that engulfed him, he brought it to the tip of the cigarette, lit it and quickly put the lighter away.
"What are you doing? If you're gonna do it, get it over with, stop stalling, you piece of shit."
The voice rang in his head once again, and with that, Josh threw the half burned cigarette to the ground and stomped on it, putting out the orange chars. Josh inhaled a sharp breathe before exhaling deeply. With shaking hands, he had thrown his backpack to the ground and began to climb the ledge of the bridge that had over looked a large river.

"I'm a goner."

Josh had finally propped himself onto the ledge, his feet dangling over the side, they swayed back and forth with the breeze, which was soothing to him. He closed his eyes and took a long deep breathe in and then out. He repeated this exercise a few times before being startled by his phone ringing in his coat pocket. Josh let it ring until it stopped, he was in no mood for talking. After it began to ring again, Josh had retrieved it from his pocket, the screen illuminating his face, his nose seemed to be almost as red as his hair.
"2 missed calls from Brendon "
Josh let out an exaggerated sigh and laid the phone on his lap, only to be buzzing again seconds later.
"Dude where are you?"
"Are you alright?"
"Come back."
Josh laughed to himself as he felt a singular tear make its way down his cheek. Brendon had made it clear that he wanted him gone, he was sure of it.
"Don't go back."
The low voice rang in his mind. Josh shook his head repeatedly for a few seconds to try to shake away the bad thoughts but was to no avail.
After that he had nudged himself back onto the pavement and then toke off his jacket, the cold air nipping his skin, leaving small goosebumps littering his arms. He then began to climb back onto the ledge, this time standing erect, letting his arms fly into the air, he turned to face the road, before looking for lights, he hadn't seen any and didn't suspect anyone was coming. But he wasn't sure because his vision had been blurred. Josh had inhaled another deep breath and was ready to let go until he heard something. There was a loud 'thump' and then a small mumble of curse words.
"NO! DONT DO IT!"
"PLEASE I'M BEGGING!"
Josh slowly opened his eyes, his face flushed with sadness and his eyes filled with fear. He hiccuped and brought his hands to his face until another persons hand had gripped his wrist, pulling him back onto the bridge walk.
"Are you okay?"
The shaky voice had asked in a worry stricken tone.
Josh had not even known the man for two minutes but he already somehow knew that he could be trusted. Josh suddenly felt himself crashing onto this strange new man, holding tightly onto the stranger.
"I- i'm so s- sorry..."
Josh hiccuped between the words that spilled out of his mouth, each one tearing apart the inside of his throat.
After a few seconds of no response from the stranger, Josh pulled away and covered his eyes with his hands and shook his head again.
He opened his eyes and blinked a few times to attempt to restore his vision. As his vision returned, he observed a man with fluffy brown hair and dark eyes.
"I'll go, i'm sorry."
Josh had began frantically picking up his bag and coat before he felt the warmth of this stranger embracing him.
"I'm Tyler. Let me help you."
Josh had assessed the situation and tightly pulled Tyler close to him and his breathing began to even out. Josh whispered a small 'thank you' before throwing his bag over his shoulder and walking with his new acquaintance.