Lilac

Hi

"The book?" Dan stuttered nervously.

Phil looked down to the half inch slab of pages in his hands, "Yeah, I mean the 'novel' if that's what you wanna call it." Phil half smiled.

Dan nervously laughed, obviously uncomfortable and wanting to bolt out the door. Phil, looked relaxed and stood with his weight on the counter of the librarians desk.

"I remember in like third  grade reading a book about these group of kids that went out and caused trouble in the bay they lived by, and this old man who would teach them life lessons and stuff, maybe it's the same one?"

Dan opened his mouth to respond, but someone else's came out.

Hudson had somehow turned around to face the other two without them noticing.

Dan was too busy staring at Phil's void-like hair to notice, that was his excuse.

"Actually," he said, "It's about this girl who-"

"No!" Phil covered his ears like a child, "Spoilers!" He cringed.

Wow, same Dan thought to himself.

"Excuse me?" They heard a voice interrupt their conversation.

Hudson turned around to an old man impatiently holding a scanner in this hand, and supporting his neck at the same time, "your book?" He snarkily asked.

Hudson slid his book on the counter and the old man caught it, looking up at Hudson and giving him a mean look. He scanned the bar code, and Dan was all ready with his so he wouldn't get on the librarian's bad side.

Hudson was waiting for Dan and Phil at the library door, he tapped Phil on the shoulder and gave him a half smile.

"I'm Hudson," He said, putting his hand out.

"Phil."

***

Dan didn't know exactly how he actually self harmed.

He did so many different things just to become a self-loathing pity hole of existence, crumpling himself into a paper ball and uncrumpling himself just to start the two step process over again.

He starved, then he binged, he burned, he cut, he scratched, he's even jaywalked just in the hope that he'll get hit by a car.

While contemplating all of this, he heard his name muttered somewhere outside the realm of his own reality.

"How about it Dan?" Phil asked, looking up at Dan's honey-brown eyes.

"Sorry?" Dan asked, shaking his head.

"All three of us, my house? We can start on the book and get it done with" Hudson responded, awfully cheery.

Dan didn't want to go, at all. Every inch of his body, every part of his soul, every feeling he had screamed "NO!" In unison.  So the fact that Dan agreed, alluded him completely.

***

Dan's parents were home when he was, which, surprised him more than the fact that he said yes to going over to Hudson's.

"Hey sweetie," Dan's mother cooed, "Mash and peas for dinner, be ready in ten."

Dan nodded at his mom, and started for the stairs, but stopped at the first step.

"Hi Dad," he said with almost gritted teeth, looking down at his dad in the lounge, reading something on his laptop.

A grunt noise came from his dad, and Dan just rolled his eyes and headed up the stairs, going two at a time.

***

Did Dan know what he was doing in the bathroom? No, not really. He opened the medicine cabinet a million times wondering what to do next, like every time he did, a piece of paper would just fall out and tell him what to do.

He looked at his pitiful reflection in the mirror and sighed.

Curls started forming at the ends of his hair, coming up and twirling like a snake, and two red blotches formed at his cheeks, as if a roses were blooming there.

Dan slapped the marble bathroom countertop in frustration. He was supposed to be a boy. Not this feminine, curly haired, rosey cheeked, big almond eyed being.

He dismissed the thought with annoyance and threw the door open.

Dan shoved his hand down in his pocket and pulled out the small rumpled piece of paper that had Hudson's address and phone number scribbled down on it.

"Hey mom," Dan announced, trotting down the stairs, "I'm going to a friends house for dinner."

"Oh?" His mom's eyes lit up "That's fine dear, want your father to drive you?"

Dan glared at his dad, "No. I can take myself. " he spat.

"Dan has friends?" His brother came in, plopping down on the seat next to Dan.

"Shut up you twat." Dan rolled his eyes and punched his brothers arm.

"When will you be home?" His mom asked, tossing Dan the keys as he walked to the door.

"When I walk through the door." Dan replied, walking out of the house and locking the door behind him.

***

Dan was sweating from just standing at the door.

He didn't know how to knock! What did he say when the opened the door? Was he supposed to smile at them?

Through the mist an confusion of his thoughts, one was italicized and bold.

Knock on the fucking door, you turnip.

He positioned his knuckles to start a 1, 2, 3, 4 rhythm, but the door swung open before he got the chance. He lost balance of himself and stumbled onto the door, and then onto someone else, whom he was praying was Hudson.

He looked up to see a pair of crystal eyes looking down at him.

"Hi."

***

AN///

Yikes guys, I'm sorry. I just like... hate myself and think everyone else's writing is better than mine so like I take hiatus' every chapter. I'll try harder I'll promise.

What are your fav fanfics/stories in general 😊

Remember to stay happy and hydrated and healthy and oml I appreciate all of you

FALL OUT BYEEEE

-S