You Deserve To Be Saved (Destiel)

For Sammy only.

College was shit basically. I studied History, but I had to also study Maths and English literature. It wasn't college that I hated, it was the people in it. It was the worst 6 months of my life, and I don't think I'm prepared for another year and a half of it.

I grabbed my books and shoved them in my bag, throwing it over my shoulder. I walked out of my bedroom door and through the hallway into the kitchen. I grabbed my lunch and my keys and went into the living room, where my brother was watching tv. He didn't start college until 12, but I had to be in at 8:30. I looked at my watch. 8:15. I quickly put my shoes on, but didn't have time to tie them up, so I just tucked them in. I shuffled to the front door, but stopped just by the mirror to see how my hair looked.

"Your hair looks fine, Dean!" Sam called from the living room. He was glued to the tv. He only looked up when I didn't reply to him. He looked at me with a confused face, waiting for a response.

"Oh right, yeah. Thanks. Gotta go." I ran out of the door and down the steps into the cold October rain. I put my hands in my pockets to stop them from getting so cold it was impossible to pick up a pen at college. I didn't have any friends at college. It would just be a distraction from my work, and I was intended on staying focussed.

I finally got to class with 5 minutes to spare. I walked in and a few people were sat in their seats. As soon as I saw who it was, I put my head down and speed walked to the back of the class.

"Dean! You look on edge. What's going on?" James called.

"Nothing.." I replied quietly. I got my books out of my bag and waited for the bell to ring. I was desperate for the day to end already. I felt like this everyday.

"But look at you, you're shaking." He responded, walking towards my table. I held my breath as he got closer and closer. "Grab your books and follow me." I sat there. I didn't move. I was too scared to move. "NOW!" I realised what I was doing and who I was dealing with, so I quickly snapped out of it. I grabed my back, packed it up again and ran after the group of boys who were shouting abuse at me. They lead me to the back of the History block and down these really scary stairs. I didn't even know this place existed. It was dark and creepy and cold. When we reached the bottom, Harry grabbed my bag and threw it across the room. The room was full of books and old computers and files. My bag hit a book shelf and knocked all the books off.

"How was dinner yesterday?" James said, with an evil smile. "It definately made you fat. I mean, look at you. You're worthless. No one likes you." James threw a punch that knocked me to the ground. He had cut my head open. Well, I think so anyway. Considering there was blood on the floor. "You're ugly too. Did you know that you deserve to die. Anyway as ugly and useless as you would do anyway." All the boys started kicking me, until eventually I took a kick to the head so hard that I got knocked out.

............................................................

By the time I come back around, I was on my own. I was still in the room, just on my own. I looked at my watch, but it was too dark to see. So I crawled over to my bag and tried to search for my mp3 player. But of course, it was broken. I put my bag on my shoulder and stumbled up the stairs. When I got out, no one was around so I quickly ran for the door. I didn't want to stay here any longer. I was outside, but the sound hurt my head. I'm guessing it was because I just got knocked out by the bigest dicks ever. I decided to go the long way, so I headed for the alleys. I didn't want to be seen because people would start to question and it would just make things worse.

*15 minutes later*

That's it. I'm so done. I can't continue with life anymore. I can't do it. I just can't. People always say

"Stay Strong"

"It will get better"

"Ignore them"

"Don't worry about them, I love you"

"I'm here for you"

But they don't mean it.

Sammy was in the shower, so I quietly went to my room. He'd never know I was here. I closed the door behind me... and then I just broke down. I was silent, but tears stung my eyes. I grabbed a box from under my bed, which was full of pills and blades. Also, a suicide note.

First, I grabbed a blade and rolled up my sleeve. My arm was already covered in cuts and scars, but this would be the last time. And I knew this. I shakily put the blade to my wrist. I did try to stop myself, but I just couldn't. One fresh cut, then two, then three, then four, then five, then six, then seven and so on.... my arm was eventually covered in blood. I grabbed a towell and placed it over my arm. My tears stopped for about a second, and my door opened.

"Dean! You scared me! What are you doing home?" Sam asked. I had my back to him, so I couldn't see.

"I felt sick so my teacher gave me a sheet to complete so I don't fall behind." I picked up the suicide note and turned it onto the blank side, waving it in the air so Sammy could see. He fell for it.

"I was wondering if you had any spare trousers I could use?" Sammy questioned.

"No sorry. My only other pair are in the wash." I said, lying.

"Oh, okay. Don't worry, I'll just wear the other ones." And with that, the door shut. I looked down at the box full of pills and then my suicide note. I didn't want to leave. Not yet. I didn't want Sammy's last memory of me to be him having a casual coversation about jeans when really I was just about to kill myself. I grabbed a bandage and wrapped it around my arn, rolling my sleeves down. I placed the blade and the suicide note in the box under my bed. And then I layed down to rest. I wished I could close my eyes and then just die, but I couldn't. I needed to stay strong. For Sammy, and for Sammy only.