Remember Me?

Chapter 22

Troye

"Come on upstairs." Connor says and then I think my blades are they away? Is it clean?  Yeah I cleaned up and my room is spotless. So no one of my family saw.

"Okay." I say and help him slowly.

"Soon I'll be able to do those myself and I'll be carring you up them." Connor says and I smile we finally get up and when we walk into my room he closes the door and locks it. I smile and he pushes me to the bed like old times.  I smile old times.  The first time. 

"I love you so much." I say covering up the pain in my body. I move up a little so he can get on the bed. His hands roam my body. 

"I hope Troye was a good boy and didn't kiss or you know when I didn't remember your beautiful body." Connor says sitting on my hips.

"Of course not. I couldn't get you out of my mind." I say telling the truth I wouldn't dare to do that.

"Mhhm." Connor says and leans down and kisses I'm scared he is going to want to take my sweater off and my pants. He will see them. Hurt him more. He bites my lip and moves to my neck.  And kisses it ever so lightly.

"Mmhhm Connor." I say and he smiles against my skin.

Smut kinda coming up like dirty talk and triggering crap!

"I seem to forget what my Tro dick looks like. Maybe you have to show me." Connor says god I would love to.  I can't tough.  I just keep my mouth shut. I feel his hands touch my stomach and I tense.  I grab his hands and force him to kiss my lips. 

"You said anything to help me remember." Connor says in a soft soothing tone. God I love when he talks dirty. It's my weakness he knows this I know he knows this. I just can't.  His hand slowly gets out of my grip and he brings it down to my bulge.

"Ohh your wanting it." Connor says by now we would be naked I waist no time. I don't want to hurt him. He slowly moves it around my dick.  Then I move out of his way his and shoot up.

"Troye you okay I know you love it when I talk dirty." Connor says now concerned.

"We can't." I say crossing my arms around my chest limply.

"What's wrong baby. Forget how to?" He says as a joke. 

"No." I say and he waits. 

"Then what?" He asks and I sigh.

"I don't want to hurt you." I say he laughs. 

"Don't worry that won't happen. I'm used to it." He says and touches my face and I flinch.

"Connor. I will hurt you.  Not that way.  I want this but I can't." I say looking away from his face.

"Baby why?" He asks and I shake my head.

"I'll hurt you. I know I will." I say not wanting to tell him.

"You won't." Connor says now really concerned. I walk over to the bed and sit down.

"I have changed." I say and he sits beside me.

"What do you mean changed?" He asks and I just shake my head and slam my lips into his to make him not think about it. He breaks the kiss.

"Troye you can't do that and kiss me to make me shut up.  I know you are trying to get the subject out of my brain it won't happen." Connor says and I look at him.

"I have changed massively.  I'm not Troye anymore." I say and kiss him again lightly. He slowly kisses me and we fall back onto the bed.  He breaks it and slowly reaches for my sweater.

"Just know if you take this off its not the same." I say and he looks at me and I slowly help him take it off. Not looking down.  Either of us.  I know they hit the air. I feel a sting some open. Some not. Some bandaged some not. He slowly moves his hands to my face.

"I love you no matter what." Connor says as I break into tears.  He looks down and he stops breathing and gasps. He's in shock. He stands up not saying anything. I slowly move off the bed and take my pants off to show  him my legs.

"W." Is all he says and doesn't move. Doesn't speak.

"I'm not the same anymore.  I'm hurting. I'm depressed. I'm broken. These are from this morning. It's almost been a year since I have these on my body." I say in tears. He takes a step forward. He moves slowly.  And touches them lightly. I wince in pain. He slowly traces my arms. To my chest to my stomach.  He sees the skinny in me.

"I have lost 25 pounds. I can't eat. I can't even stomach too much food. Connor I'm sorry I didn't want you to see this.  I know it was going to hurt you. " I say fast and pacing.  He is standing there like a statue.

"I'm sorry." I say and stop walking when I feel arms around me and holding me close. 

"I'm sorry...." Connor says holding me gently but hard at the same time. 

"Don't you be sorry. I'm the one who can't." I say and he makes me quiet. He looks me in the face and holds my hands. He runs his hands up my wrists lightly feeling the scars. The pain I'm feeling. 

"I'm sorry you had to go threw this alone.  Im sorry this happened to us. These scars. Are bad but you already know that and I'm here to take the pain away." He says and I start to cry harder.

"Connor your my happy little pill. Take me away."I say and he nods.

"Always and forever." He says and hugs me tighter.  He slowly takes his shirt off.  His pants off and we're left in our boxers. We don't have sex we just sit there with each others company talking. Crying. Hurting.  But we love each other and we will love each other uncontrollably until the day we die.