Remember Me?

Chapter 32

Troye

As we get ready to get picked up from Connors mom. I slowly put my shoes on. He isn't doing this for himself. He is doing it for me and me only.  I wish he could just be better and maybe I could be better as well. I want to be my old Troye. The happy, always laughing Troye. I want that. I just imagine being happy.  Why am I not. I have Connor back, I have my family, Connors family, my friends why can't I just be happier? Is it too hard to ask.  We walk out hand in hand. Connors mom asks him questions.

"How's your head now?" Cheryl asks.

"Alright a bit better." Connor replies. Connor gets in and I do as well without a word. Happiness is all I want.  I should be happy why can't I be.

"How's Troye doing?" Cheryl asks me.

"Okay." I say low. I'm not doing okay.  I'm hurting. I want to be happy.  That's all I want.  They probably will put me on stronger pills. That will make me sick.

"Babe are you okay? You can tell me." Connor whispers into my ear slightly.

"Mhhm." I say lying threw my teeth.  I'm not is all I want to say. That's all I need. Is to say I'm not okay. Why can't you just do it?

"Well you don't look to focused on one thing like you normally are when your thinking of shit. You seem you have a lot on your mind." Connor says  and I think for a minute. He knows that I'm thinking of lots why don't you just tell him get it over with.

"I'm okay for now." I say quietly and rest my head on his shoulder my face into his neck. He puts his arm around my shoulders and his arm drapes off my other shoulder.  I sigh into his neck and close my eyes. Waiting for the nurse to ask how I'm doing. I will let them both know then. Connor rocks me back and forth. I slowly slip into a sleep. Finally after so long. 

"Tro baby we are here." I feel someone shake me. I moan.

"5 more minutes please." I groan and I hear a laugh.

"I wish I could give you a whole day but I just can't. We are here." Connor says and I moan and open my eyes. Before they fully open my lips are connected to his. I smile lightly into the kiss.

"Now come on and I'll kiss you later for hours if you want." Connor says to me and I slowly get out into the light and stretch.

"Alright boys I'll wait in the waiting room. Just let me know the news on your head Con okay hunny?" Cheryl asks.

"Yeah I will mom don't worry." Connor says and puts his hand around my waist pulls me closer to him and he grabs my hand as I walk as close as he pulls me. We walk into the nurses waiting room.

"Connor Franta?" The women asks and we get up. We walk in hand in hand. I feel my hands get more hot as we walk into the room.  My nerves. I feel like I'm going to cry if I let all what I'm feeling out.

"What can I do for you Connor?" A different nurse asks.

"Sorry my name is Nurse Joy the other Nurse Ryan is busy at the moment." Nurse Joy says and we both nod.  Someone new. I can do it.

"Alright so I was forced here because my headaches and migraines have been getting worse. It feels like I have been getting shot in the foot or leg. Like 200 times sometimes and sometimes it's not bad just a slight pain." Connor describes he is so good with talking to people.  He is always the one do help me talk to people.  I don't let go of his hand at all. He rubs small circles on it as I get more and more scared.

"Yes so that is supposed to happen for a couple more months maybe 4 and then they will slowly go away.  It's your brain figuring things out up there. It's normal and I'll give you some more pain killers that last longer and work faster. They will slowly get worse and then slowly go down. You will one day feel so sick you can't move. Then maybe more than that. Then finally it will slow down a little more." Nurse Joy says Connor nods and she walks out the door and walks back in quickly handing Connor the pills.

"These you might need to take 2 if the pain gets worse." The nurse says and Connor nods. 

"Alright." She says and I start to panic more. It's my turn.

"For you young man. I have your file here. It says your really depressed. Self harming issues. Eating disorder. Been taking pills how are those working for you?" She asks. I squeeze Connors hand and he puts his other hand on mine and brings it up to his face and kisses my hand while he rubs small circles.

"Umm to.... be truthful.... no....." I studder.

"Good." Connor says and puts his head on my shoulder.  I feel the pain in my heart as I let this go.

"Okay. Can you let me know what it going on?" The nurse asks and I close my eyes. I feel tears come down my face as I am about to talk. No one notices until I talk.

"I just want to be happy. I want to happy again. Be my old self that used to make jokes with my friends. To be an amazing boyfriend to Connor. I want to be happy with my family.  Everyone around me. I can't handle the thought of not getting better." I cry as my eyes keep pouring out tears. Connor sets his head up and he stands up and hugs me tight. He breaks the hug and kisses my forehead.

"Your still an amazing boyfriend. No matter happy or not. Don't ever think that." Connor says to me. No mater what he says I am still going to think that no matter what.