Keep Breathing

4. I'm in love with a suicidal person.

We've talked about how to deal with suicidal thoughts, how to break that chain of events

when things seems to get worse every time we try to make a change, but what happens

when you fall in love with a suicidal person? Are you both destined to a tormented

relationship and a tragic love story? Maybe not.

Despite this is a serious thing to deal with, when I had suicidal thoughts, any shining light I

saw was precious, no matter how tiny it was. There were times when I felt I didn't deserved

it, when I felt I was too wretched to hold something so divine in my hands and feel it was

mine, but I wanted to keep it and it made me fight a little harder, every day.

It is not the end of your future as a couple if one of you deals with suicidal thoughts,

however, it will be a more challenging relationship than any other, because we have to get

along with many insecurities and self­hatred everyday. You just need to have a little patience

with us, don't get mad if we are not in the mood to be on a trip or go anywhere.

Remember that we are sick, that this is something we wish we didn't have, but, nonetheless,

we do feel bad when we see our significant other bad, when they tell us they want to but

don't know how to help us. We do want you to do it, and we would like as hell to know which

is the right thing that could change it all, but we don't know it either.

Whenever we feel bad, just a hug and a kiss will help, those little things mean more than

anything else in the world for us, and you can be sure we will learn to trust you day by day if

you support us. This doesn't mean I am romanticizing these relationships, but that's the way

I felt back in the days.

If you see we are self­harming, don't turn into a politician and rant on us, and crying is not an

option either. Be strong, talk a little about it, let us know you care about what we're facing,

but keep treating us as always.

Give us our space, let us know that you respect our lonely time, that you know sometimes

we just want to get inside, see a movie or a tv series or read a book or whatever, just a

distraction from daily life, and don't try to push us, because we will break easier than we both

think.

On the opposite, if you see us bad, that we haven't improved after many days, go wherever

we are, look at us straight to the eyes and talk, tell us everything you're worry about, try to

know what's going on in our own world, listed, ask everything you want, and we don't feel

like talking, insist, just a couple of times, and we will, I promise.

Do you want to know the thing that made my days? When I checked my cellphone and found

a short and cute message. "I love you," "You are my everything," "I want to kiss you," "Have

a great day, honey," just short things like that, and I smiled for the whole damned day,

reading the message again and again, just because some few kind words that person sent

me.

Also, about giving gifts every month... That I can only describe it as my personal hell. Avoid

it, avoid it at all cost if that beloved is suicidal, because we already feel we don't deserve

love, and making so many gifts, so often, will make us think: Okay, I have to do the same or

he/she will think I don't care about our love; and we spend the next days worried about that.

Telling it to us is even worse. "Don't feel like you must give me something," because that's

exactly what we'll try to do as soon as we get home. You want to give some chocolates,

tickets to the movies, a fast food meal? Okay, no problem, but never ever make it very often.

​ But what if we're just friends? Then simply speak to us, tell us how was your day, ask about

ours, invite us to some calm place and maybe some hugs once in a while. We need to know

you care about us, that you're with us and we don't represent a problem, that you're not tired of hearing us complaining about whatever is bothering us. You can tell sometime things like

"Buddy, but if it's such a problem, then try changing it," but not in a way we may feel you've

had enough with us.

Please, please, just please, don't make us go to parties or big events. We have enough with

our inner mess, and unless we ask you to, we won't be able to deal with the outside and

their own disasters. We need peace, calm, places where we feel we are safe and nobody

will harm us in any sense. Respect that.

And as I said before, if we don't want to talk, make us do it, be a little stubborn, push us just

for a moment, try to get us out of our cage, so we can see you really care. Maybe we won't

speak in that pretty moment, but we will tell you every single thing in another, the next day,

the next week.

Another thing that helped me where candies. Cookies, ice cream, chocolate, you name it. If

it has sugar, it will definitely work. It's one of the best options you have if you want us to feel

better or if you are planning to have a serious talk with us. Give it, start a conversation about

whatever topic we share and know about, and then throw the bomb. It will be easier.

Love is complicated, every person in this world knows it, but when you deal with suicidal

thoughts, we your days are all dark and you feel alone, things are harder than they used to

be, and it's very common that we feel worse with every passing day. Just let us know you

are right there when we need you, that you care, you will help us change.

All of this is not about thinking about us as kids and babies. We are all grown­ ups and

teenager facing something that has shaken us to the bones and don't see any exit; we feel

overwhelmed and so lost we just want to rest and stop the pain.

Despite we want to keep breathing, we need to know we're not alone. That's the best thing

ever you can do for us.

Written by @AlanDD