Daddy's Little Girl

c h a p t e r 19

(Paris:)

Wearing my black shades and black trench coat, I walked around the mall with my black high boots and bleached jeans on with Bobby right beside me.

“I’m just telling you bae, ion trust that nigga.” He said, walking ahead of me and causing me to roll my eyes.

In the month after I almost had my first body, I was doing good. Letting Rios go just gave me a better clearing of what I’ve been missing out on. I felt free, and I was single. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to. Wear whatever the fuck I wanted to. Shit, fuck with whoever the fuck I wanted to, too.

I had to change my number twice, only because he continued to find ways to get it. He’ll call me repeatedly, text me saying he was sorry or he wanted to talk about it or he missed me, but I wasn’t listening to that shit. He fucked me over one time, and I’m not a second chance givin bitch. 

Eventually, he gave up trying to contact me... so, he started stalking me. Before any hectic shit could get in between that, I filed a restraining order against him. I had to show him that I didn’t always need the niggas in my life to fight my battles, I’m an independent, crazy ass woman.

Even though I let him go, I didn’t let my career go. Matter of fact, my career was skyrocketing. Music videos, commercials, award shows, magazines are what I appeared in. Maybe you’re wondering, ‘how the hell her career still going good without the producer, her ex-nigga?’ Well, the nigga I met at the birthday party and the one who came to one of my video shoots, has been having a thing for me for a while, so he easily let me model for his videos.

I learned his name was Gq, and he was a nice guy. But, from my previous experiences, I wasn’t gonna rush into a relationship with him. I couldn’t. I was beyond strained and tired of being hurt. Especially by people I love. Like the ones I call, or use to call, friends.

Camilla hasn’t contacted me, nor vice versa since I found out. Nine times out of ten Rios told her that I found out, because Grapez hasn’t contacted me neither. I wasn’t giving a fuck, though. Camilla can have him, and Grapez can stay friends with her. They’re not my concern anymore.

I don’t know how Rios got out of the tub that day, but I prayed that night that he would die in there. My prayers weren’t answered, and that’s the reason why he’s continuing to walk around here like his shit don’t stank, and not only that, he told the media why he was in the unfortunate event:

‘Up and coming celebrity sensation, Paris Hendrix, was in headline news this week for supposedly trying to electrocute ex-boyfriend and hiphop/rap producer, Rios Smith. Though he dropped all the charges against her, don’t let that pretty face deceive you guys.’ Seeing the news that day had me laughing, then suddenly crying. I knew my career was over with... until Gq called me, laughing and cheering me up. I liked that. Since news spread fast as fuck, I was getting calls like crazy. Pookie called giving me props, Jazmine called cussing me out, and Maurice called... touching my heart the most. 

“Since yo dumbass dun sent me to voicemail, I’ma leave one. I ain’t mad at you, Paris, for that night. I was putting alotta stress on you, and after this, I’ma let you do you. I seen that shit on TV, and I wanna let you know you dumb as fuck fa what you tried to pull. You tried to kill that nigga, for what reason doe? What the fuck det was gon solve? You wasn’t gon get no answers to no questions you wanted to ask, so that shit didn’t make no sense. If I could, I’d beat yo ass thru this phone, but I can’t, so I ain’t. You shoulda called me up to handle him myself, shit.. but, look. You busy, I’m busy. You need some space, I’ma give you that. But, lemme tell you sum, everything I told you that night was true, no matter how much you think I was lying. I’ma be by yo side no matter if we together or not, aight? When you get this fuck with me, aight. I love yo stupid ass, girl, bye.”

I never hit him up after I heard that either and he has not hit me up neither. 

I knew I was definately going to get in my feelings, and I didn’t want that. I couldn’t come to love Maurice like I used to, only as a friend. I wish I had the same feelings he had for me, for him. I didn’t want to hurt him, so I just let the voicemail be.

“He’s a good guy, and keep yo head down! I don’t got time for no crazy ass fans.” I said, jogging a little faster to catch up with Bobby.

He had quit his job at McDonalds when he realized I wasn’t going anywhere. He was a true example of a bestfriend, but not only did he quit his job with McDonalds, he got one as a radio talk show host... and, he broke his ties with Grapez.

Grapez still tried to contact Bobby, but messing with me, you was messing with him. I just don’t understand how I didn’t see all this fake lie up under these bitches I called ‘friends.’ All I know now is I can’t trust a sneak bitch.

Bobby put his head down but gave me a look from the corner of his eye. “I just don’t trust no nigga with you cause of yo past. Ion wanna see you hurt again.” If I still had enough tears left, I woulda shed some at what he just told me. But, honestly, I shed every single tear I had for Rios.

“I understand, Bobby, but being hurt is something that I gotta live with. Nobody’s perfect, everybody hurts somebody.” Walking towards the food court, we headed towards American Deli.

He smacked his teeth, “Aight, whatever. But, you gotta tell me this..”

Not expecting what he was about to say, I looked at him suspiciously, “What?”

“I can beat the next nigga ass who do you wrong. Don’t laugh neither cuh I got them paws, Pair, remember?” He quoted, making me bust out laughing. I loved this nigga; he was something else.

Turning towards the station, I placed my order for a ten piece lemon pepper wing combo and Bobby made the exact same order after me. I grabbed my cup full of lemonade and he got his cup full of Sprite, following me to an empty table away from everyone else.

“What his name is again?” I was asked. Sighing, I looked at Bobby desperately.

“Gq, I dun told you bout eleven times.” I said, making him smack his teeth.

Inserting a straw into the lid of his cup, he said, “What the fuck a ‘Gq’ is, that nigga need a real name. Ain that the name of a fuckin magazine? What the fuck his mama was doing namin him that, what it even stand for?” My phone began vibrating and I pulled it out my purse. Looking at the caller I.D, I smiled. 

“Bae, it’s Gq. You wanna ask him them questions yourself?” I gave Bobby a fake smile.

His eyes bugged, causing me to laugh, “Nah, I’m good. You should be glad they just called our number for the food.” He said, getting up. I laughed and shook my head.

“Hello?”

I heard him slightly chuckle, “Answering the phone like you just don’t know who this is... wessup?” His voice was deep and raspy, so I knew he just woke up or was sleepy as fuck, and he knew I liked that bullshit. 

“Don’t do that Gq, how the hell else I’m pose to answer the phone?” I asked, sarcastically, making him laugh. I could just picture him now. The top row of his teeth gleaming from his gold grill and his dimple peeking out of his cheek, I could just imagine his ass.

“Like, ‘Hey big daddy, I been waiting on your call’.” He said in a sexual female voice. I let out a giggle and he chuckled afterwards. I was meeting too many grown, childish niggas. Bobby’s twenty-three, childish as fuck. He’s twenty-five, childish as hell.

After laughing, I got back into the conversation. “Hell naw, Gq, whatchu want?”

He laughed and grunted, so I figured he was getting up. “Fuck with me. I ain’t got shit to do today.” Rolling my eyes, I looked up to see Bobby had returned to the table with our food. He was mugging me and I just laughed.

“I’m busy.” I simply said, making Bobby smile. I shot him a bird and grabbed my box of wings.

“You know you ain’t doing shit, whatchu doing?”

“I’m at American Deli with my bestfriend.” Honestly, I said. Bobby put his elbows on the table and began eating his wings in a messy manner, causing me to mug the shit outta him. He just smiled and shrugged at me.

Gq chuckled, “Talmbout that short, black nigga that’s funny as hell?” I looked at Bobby and laughed. He mouthed to me, ‘What he said?’ but I just rolled my eyes at him. He was finna say something, but something behind me caught his eye. I looked at him weird and looked back to see what he was looking at.

It was a lightskinned girl with short curly hair, laughing alongside a darkskinned girl with box braids. She had a real pretty, big smile and bags in her freshly manicured hands. She was about 5’5 and looked to be a my age. It looked like she didn’t care for niggas, but she didn’t look gay either, but looks can be deceiving. 

If Bobby was gonna try to fuck with her, she was gone have to fuck with me and my life ain’t the type she wanted to be in.

“Paris, I’ma be right back.” Bobby stated, not taking his eyes off the girl whatsoever. “So, you just gon leave me?” I asked but he didn’t care to listen. I knew this nigga was not in love with this girl, not even getting a couple words out yet.

“He just gon leave you?” Gq asked over the phone and copying my voice. I smacked my teeth and put him on speaker as I opened my box of wings and began eating.

“Shutup, nigga. I’m finna hang up on you, too.” I said, smacking on my wings.

He chuckled, “You coming to chill with me today, tho? We ain’t got a video to shoot, so..”

Sighing, I finished a wing before I replied. “I don’t wanna chill.”

“Why?” He asked, utter confusion filling his voice.

I didn’t want to explain to him that I knew he was feeling me on a relationship base type shit, because I didn’t wanna relationship. I wanted to be friends, nothing more and nothing less.

“I ain’t tryna move so fast-”

He interrupted me with a laugh, “Paris, ain’t tryna fuck with you like that, especially after what you been thru with Ree. I like fuckin with you when we chill, as a friend, and we can keep it that way.”

Taking some long consideration in whether I should go or not, I picked up a napkin and wiped my hands and my lips. “I’ll think about it.”

I could hear him smile on the other side of the phone. “You know where I stay at.” And with that, I hung up. Dipping a fry into my ranch, I looked up to see Bobby coming to sit back in front of me with a giant smile on his face.

“Ew.” I simply said, mugging him.

He laughed, “Suck my dick.” Taking out a wing from his box, he started on it.

“Why you happy? I know that pretty ass girl ain’t give you her number. I know she didn’t.” I stated, sipping on my lemonade. I looked back over to the girl to see her and her friend looking over at me and Bobby. The darkskinned one mugged me, while the lightskinned one looked away. At that moment, I could tell she’d been hurt.

“Hell if she didn’t. You know I had to.” He said, with his mouth full, making me roll my eyes.

“The darkskin one look like she finna whoop my ass tho. Funny thing, she don’t know who I am, shit she might be my biggest fan.” I said, making Bobby bust out laughing.

“Hell yeah. She got some balls to mug you, unlike you. You just sitting here tryna talk to me to avoid looking at her, witcho scary ass-” I interrupted him by hitting him on his arm and causing his chicken to fall out his hand.

“That’s twenty-five cents.” Bobby said, pointing at the wing. I laughed and rolled my eyes, putting my shades back on. “I’m finna go see wessup.” Standing, I put my hands into my pockets and listened to my boots click in the direction of the ice cream parlor the girls were sitting at.

When I reached the girls, the darkskin girl was mugging me harder than ever, causing me to smile. “Yes?”

“What? You came to me, I should be asking you that.” She snapped at me as the lightskinned woman sat, eating her ice cream.

Chuckling, I replied. “You were mugging me from afar... is there a problem?”

She, the darkskin girl, looked at her friend then back to me. “Yes, there is a problem. Your nigga over there,” She pointed at Bobby, “Came over here to holla at my girl, and he didn’t even tell her he had you. And, I don’t appreciate-”

“So, tell me why you were mugging me.” I interrupted. She opened her mouth to say something, but realizing she didn’t have a reason, she closed it back. I smiled, “Exactly.”

I walked around to the lightskinned girl and looked at her. She had her head down as she ate her ice cream. She wasn’t that good at hiding her face, cause I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Just like you and your bestfriend is out here eating together, that’s what me and my bestfriend is out here doing, too. He’s not my nigga, he’s my bestfriend. I don’t know you, what you been thru, so I can’t tell you to stop crying. But, I can tell you one thing: if you fucking with him, you fucking with me. You wanna be a part of him, you wanna be a part of me. If you think you can handle it, then you funny as fuck. You can’t handle his lifestyle, and you can’t handle mines,” I pulled off my shades, causing the darkskin girl to gasp and the one I was talking to, to look at me and gasp, “But, that ain’t stopping you from trying.”

I turned back around to walk towards the table, but not before I heard the scream, “IT’S PARIS HENDRIX!” I laughed and ran to the table, putting my food in the plastic bag and putting my phone in my pocket. “Hurry up, Bobby!” I said, grabbing my drink and heading towards the door where Bobby ran behind me.

I ran outside and towards Bobby’s car as he unlocked it. I hopped into the passenger side as he hopped into the driver’s side and closed the door. The fans that was chasing us started banging on the windows and taking pictures, while Bobby started the car. They screamed and cheered, and I just laughed.

“Paris, you know I hate when you do that shit!” Bobby yelled at me as he drove onto the main road. I smiled and looked over at him. He was pissed as fuck.

“I haven’t done it in a long time, and you can’t even lie and say that wasn’t fun.” I laughed, but he didn’t. I hated when he tried to be serious. It just wasn’t like him.

Looking at me from the corner of his eye, he didn’t smirk whatsoever. “I don’t give a fuck, yeen pose to do it at all. And, hell yeah it was fun, but-”

I smiled and looked at him, “Nah, no buts!”

He busted out laughing, “Girl, shutup. What you went over there for anyway?”

“I told you, that darkskin girl was looking at me funny and of course, I had to figure out why. She thought you was my nigga and caught herself snapping on me-”

Bobby interrupted, “Thought? I am yo nigga. The only nigga you need. Besides yo daddy, he important, too.”

I smacked my teeth and ignored his statement, “Any fucking way, what’s the deets about ole girl?”

A small smile appeared on his face while he leaned back and drove with one hand on the wheel. “Damn, she bad as fuck. Same age as me, fashion designer. She right for me, I might cuff her up.”

After he said that, I busted out laughing. “I don’t mean to laugh, but Bobby, you know you a hoe. She seem too good to be with a nigga like you.” He smacked his teeth and used his unoccupied hand to twist his nappy fro.

I wish Rios had a conversation with a friend like me before he even thought about getting involved with a girl. He knew he was a hoe, so why would he want a faithful girl?

“That’s where you’re wrong. I can be a good nigga, I just ain’t never found the girl to be committed fully to.”

I guess I wasn’t that girl to Rios.

Pushing the thought to the back of my head, “Okay, whatever. Can you drop me off at Gq’s house, tho? It’s just right there.” I said, pointing to the corner after the light we just passed.

He didn’t even look where I pointed. “Nah, why?”

I huffed, “C’mon, Bobby, before you pass it! We just chilling!” I argued and he exhaled a deep breath before turning his flicker on. I smiled.

“I don’t like that nigga, but if he’s the reason you’ll get out my house, then which one his house is?” I pushed him against his shoulder and he laughed. I pointed to an upcoming house and he turned into its driveway.

“You know I love yo annoying ass. But, you can stay as long as you want to-” He said, stopping the car and making me hit him against his shoulder. I took off my seatbelt and picked up my purse, opening the door.

“Bye, boo. Love you, I’ll call you if I need anything.” I leaned over and kissed his cheek before hopping out of the car. He nodded and I closed the door, making my way up the stairs of Gq’s large house.

Waiting, I admired the way he kept his flowers and plants healthy. It seemed as if he had a woman, like a wife or a mother, living with him. As I looked around, the front door opened, exposing Gq’s caramel, 5’9 figure. He was shirtless, giving me a good look of his few tattoos and six pack, grey sweat pants, and some socks. Staring at me with his huge, brown eyes, I was in a daze. Dressed basic as ever, he looked good as fuck. 

“Tell me why I ain’t think you was gon come.” He said, leaning one elbow on his doorframe, flexing his muscles and yawning, and wiping one eye. That’s sexy. I smiled and looked around, “Well, are you gonna let me in?”

It wasn’t my first time over Gq’s house, so when I stepped in, I made myself comfortable. We usually work out steps to our next music video, but today we’re chilling.

I took off my trench coat, exposing my black crop top that revealed the skin in between the shirt and my jeans. My pants stopped just inches below it, and my boots stopped at my knees. Without even trying, I looked good today. 

Sniffing the air, it smelled like seafood. I turned around to face Gq, only to see his eyes quickly move up to my eyes from my ass. Rolling my eyes, I placed my hand on my hip and my weight on my left leg. “You tryna cook?”

The beautiful smile on his face disappeared and he grabbed the front of his sweats, whispering, “Oh, shit,” and jogging to the kitchen. I busted out laughing and watched as he took some noodles off the stove.

I stood at the kitchen door frame, leaning on it and looked at him while he fanned the top of the pot.

I admired his jawbone that seemed to poke out when he was in deep concentration. His only dimple was nowhere to be found as a rock hard look took over his face. He got his small fro cut to where he had a tape and waves. I wasn’t peeping niggas, but he was one hunk of a nigga. 

“Fuck, this the second time I burned this shit today, bruh.” He said thru gritted teeth as he turned the water on the burning pot. Going to the counter and sitting down, he put his elbows on the table and his hands to his mouth, looking straight forward.

Rolling my eyes, I stepped into the kitchen and opened the first cabinet I saw. “Where are the noodles? I’ll cook it for you.”

Without looking at me, he just waved his hand. “Nah, you ain’t got to. I’ll find something else to cook.”

“Gq, where are the noodles? I didn’t come over here to see you depressed over some food you can’t cook.” I said, making him look at me and laugh. “They’re in that cabinet over there.” He said, pointing to a cabinet two cabinets down from the one I was at. I opened it, and sure enough, the noodles were there.

“Who are you making all this food for?” I asked, curious to why he was making all this food. He got off the stool he was sitting on and grabbed a pot from another cabinet, going to the sink and filling it with water. “I cook once a week, and I hate fast food... so, me. Unless you want some.”

I chuckled and he handed me the pot, and I placed it on the stove. Turning the stove on high, I sprinkled the water with salt. “Nah, I’m good. I was just curious cuh this is a hella lotta food.” 

“I was just bored as fuck. It may last me two weeks, if yo fat ass don’t eat it all.” He said, coming behind me and smaking my hand from the crab alfredo sauce he made which was good as fuck. I didn’t know what was with me finding these niggas who could cook, but shit, I wasn’t complaining.

“Shutup..” I mumbled, “This sauce is real good, Gq. Who taught you how to cook?” I asked, putting my finger in the sauce and tasting it again.

He sighed, his breath touching my skin, “My mother did before she died. Always told me women fall for men who can cook.” His arms slowly wrapped around my waist and he put his head in the crook of my neck, “Are you falling for me yet?”

I laughed and removed his arms from around me and his head from up off me as the water began to boil. I put the noodles in and said, “You love touching me. Ever since the day you met me, your hands have been on me. Why?”

He chuckled and found his way at a stool at the kitchen island. Since I was working at the stove, my back was to him but I could feel his eyes scanning my body. “Because you’re perfect.”

The smile on my face faded away.

I’m perfect.

It sounded all too familiar.

After a couple minutes of complete silence, only the sounds of the food cooking being heard, I spoke. “A perfect girl. Is that all you see in me?” I asked without looking back.

I knew Gq sensed something wrong with me, that’s why he didn’t respond so quickly. “Nah. I see a girl who’s been hurt more than once by more than one nigga. Not only is that girl hurt, but she’s lost. She thinks she’s ready for what the world has prepared for her, but in reality, she’s still daddy’s little girl. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she’s not gonna let that stop her. A girl who traded in her ballet slippers for a pole, and a pole for a camera. If only her father was in her life from the time she was growing up, her life would’ve been easier. But, a simple drug bust took him away from her, and she thinks nigga’s love is what she needs. When I look at the way her hips stretch outwards, I notice her virginity was taken by a nigga she thought was the one. The same nigga who played her, made her feel like she knew what love was. After being heartbroken multiple times, she doesn’t wanna love again. She’s afraid she’ll get hurt. So, instead of loving, she finds her comfort in dancing. No, it’s not in front of the big stage with her ballet slippers on, but it’s in front of video cameras for music videos. Until she recognizes who she really is, and how she’ll love again, she’ll be daddy’s little video vixen, searching for her place in the world.”

Slowly, I turned around to face him. He looked straight into my eyes, and I looked back at him. I don’t know but for a moment, just a moment, there was a spark between us. I hope he didn’t see it, but I did. I didn’t want to have seen it because I didn’t want to go down another road. “Is that it?”

Not removing eye contact, he looked dead at me. “You’re chasing love, but since you’re so naïve, you don’t know that you’re running away from it.”

I finally looked away from his intense stare and looked down at my shoes. “Surprising you saw all that by staring at my ass the majority of the time I’ve been here.”

He chuckled, letting his top grill shine in the light above. “Trust me, a fat ass on a woman is my weakness. But, for me, it’s more than just a fat ass. It’s a loyal, honest woman who won’t hold a major secret from me. A woman who can keep it 100.” 

“A woman who’s quick to drop her draws at some magic words that a lying man has spoken.” I said, looking back up at him. It seemed as if he never stopped looking at me.

“A woman who knows when a man is lying, and a man is being truthful.”

I turned around and turned the stove off the noodles and grabbed the pot. Walking over to the sink, I drained the water out of them. “Well, I guess I’m just not that woman.”

Gq got up and stood beside me at the sink, looking down at me. “You are that woman. You just need some time to rebuild trust for men, and if you let me, I can help you-”

I turned towards him and looked up at him, “Before I agreed to come over here today, I told you I’m not looking for a relationship-”

Interrupting me, he said, “And, I told you I’m not gon pressure you. I know what you been thru, I been thru it, too. We don’t have to be a couple for me to help you realize all men won’t hurt you. I just need a moment of your time, and I gotchu.”

Looking up at him as he looked down at me, I started thinking. Maybe this wouldn’t be bad.. regaining trust in niggas. All niggas aren’t the same as he said, but all niggas I encounter are. If I gain trust in another nigga, I’ll end up on the ground again... but, then again, another nigga might pick me back up like Gq wants to do. Should I go for it?

“If you fuck me over, that’s your ass.” I said, crossing my arms across my chest. Without smiling, he gave me a stern nod. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

I bypassed him and grabbed two plates as he poured the noodles back into the pot. I got the spatula to get the food and walked over to the stove where the food was. Looking at me, Gq gave me a confused look. “I thought you said you ain’t wanna eat.”

I smirked as I fixed our plates of food, “You made me talk alot.” 

Chuckling, he put his hands up in defense. “Shit, help yourself then.”



After we were finished eating, I was balled up in the corner of the couch, laughing ridiculously as Gq stood in front of me and tickled me.

“Be real with me, shawty.” He continued to say as I tried to push him off of me.

Tears ran down my face as I took three stacatto breaths to say something. “G-Gq, move!”

He laughed, “Not until you tell me.”

I hit him against his shoulder and put my hands up, “Okay, okay!”

He smirked and sat down on the couch beside me, pulling my legs onto him where my thighs sat on his lap so I could be closer to him. I put my elbows on the arm of the couch, looking at him. “You just don’t look like the type of nigga to stay faithful. You’re a pretty boy.”

His owl like eyes blinked at me, then he looked down at my thighs, biting his bottom lip and nodding. “I feel yah. If I was in your position, I wouldn’t trust me either, but all pretty boys ain’t the same.”

I looked down at my stomach and ran my hand across it, “How? You won’t cheat on your girl with the hoe of the night even though you drunk as fuck?”

“How am I supposed to control what I do if I’m drunk? That’s what ya’ll don’t understand..” He said.

I looked at him like he was crazy, “You pose to know how to hold your own liquor and remember what you got at home.”

Smacking his teeth and shaking his head, he twisted his lips up. “When you drunk, you think about what you got at home?”

“Sometimes-”

He interrupted me, “Exactly. Sometimes, not all the time.”

I smacked my teeth and grabbed a pillow, throwing it at him. “Shutup.”

Catching it, he placed it on the other side of his body. “Nah, tell me what a ‘faithful nigga’ look like.”

I looked down at my feet as I wiggled my toes. There was no such thing as how a faithful man looks like. You have to actually get to know the man to determine if he’s faithful or not, and most of the time, that don’t even work. But, most pretty boys are exactly what their title says, a ‘pretty boy,’ meaning they’re not faithful. Almost all the pretty boys I’ve encountered, including my first lover, Rios, Bobby, Maurice, Nino, Terrance, etc.. can’t seem to stay loyal to one girl.

“There’s not really an exact look for a faithful man, but you can tell..” I said, sounding stupid as fuck.

Gq laughed, shaking his head. “So, why don’t I look like I won’t be faithful? My grill make me look like a thug? My tattoos? What it is?”

I sighed, “I don’t know. I just know a lineup of pretty boys and nan one of them can stay committed.”

He bit his lip and slowly blinked. “Paris, I know you smart. You do realize that all niggas ain’t the same-”

“But, all the ones I come across are.” I injected. He was missing the point, thinking I’ll automatically fall to his feet because of what he tells me. Even though Rios didn’t have to go through this to get me, he could have told me all of this and I woulda fell for it. Men can be the most straightest liars.

“So, what you saying is, you gon hold a grudge with yourself for the rest of your life cuh all the niggas you come across are the same. Won’t even let another nigga have a chance because you think all niggas the same. You know what that is? Selfish.” He argued, making me roll my eyes.

I looked at him, “Why does it even matter to you? I told you multiple times that I’m not looking for a relationship and if you can’t respect that, I can go.” I was serious. I was enjoying the fact that I didn’t have to be committed. I was free. The only thing I was missing was the kissing and orgasms from a nigga who could do it good. Other than those, I wasn’t in the mood for a nigga.

He raised his hands up, “Aight. I’ma fall back. But, don’t act like you ain’t hear what I said.”

“I heard you, Gq. Damn, you talk too much.” I gave him a sly smile and he rolled his eyes. I laughed, “Do you not know how old you is rolling yo eyes?”

He rolled his eyes again, “Girl, shut the fuck up. I outda pop you in yo eye, you got me rolling mines.”

Laughing, I playfully shoved his shoulder. “I ain’t make you do that. Previous experience got you doing that.”

Smiling at me, he raised one eyebrow. “Oh, you wanna play?”

I shook my head vigorously when he started leaning up on me. “Hell nah, Gq, if you don’t move..” I said when he made his way on top of me. He bit his bottom lip, causing me to laugh and push him against his shoulder. He chuckled, exposing his beautiful smile, making me laugh as well.

When both of our laughing subsided, he looked at me, which turned into staring at me. His eyes were so big, biggest I’ve seen yet. Every time he looked at me, I couldn’t help but stare back.

I don’t know what took over me, but my eyes moved from his to his lips. I looked back up at his eyes to see that they hadn’t moved from mines yet. Leaning up, I placed my lips on his and as quick as I put them on his is how quick I regretted it. I would have pulled off, but something told me not to.

My eyes closed as Gq took over the kiss I created, putting his tongue into my mouth and rolling it around with mines. I could feel my lipstick coming off my lips and painting his as the kiss went deeper and more passionate. He never let go of my lips, and I never let go of his, giving us no room to take a breath. It felt like I wanted it to go on forever, but then again, I didn’t. My arms found their way around his neck, as his hand found its way to the front of my pants. 

While his hand caressed me from the outside of my jeans, I couldn’t help but moan against his lips. Not wanting him to continue, I didn’t have to voice to tell him to stop. I didn’t want him to keep going, but my hormones were directing me another way.

I finally let his lips go and opened my eyes, midway. He stared down at me, caressing me harder. It was something about his eyes that made me feel like I couldn’t tell him to stop, or stop myself. Leaning up, my lips found his neck as I began to create hickies and moan so his skin could vibrate. 

The rubbing on my outer kitty stopped. I only felt his hands crawl up to the four buttons that held my jeans together begin slowly unbuttoned. After he undid the last one, my zipper began going down and he placed his lips on my neck. 

Feeling the warmth of his lips leave my neck, I felt both of his hands grip both sides of my jeans, slowly pulling them off of me as well as my pantie. When both were completely off my body, he laid back on top of me and started sucking on my bottom lip, finding his way into my mouth.

Neither one of us said anything, even though we were thinking everything. Only the sounds of my moans filled the room.

My hands went to the top of his sweatpants and slowly pulled them down. Helping me, he removed them quicker, as well as his draws. He went back to decorating my neck with hickies while I looked down at what he was packing. He definitely was bigger than Rios, even though he was big, also.

He used one hand to grasp my chest from under my shirt, while the other hand grabbed his crotch and rubbed the tip up and down my lips. My arms tightened around his neck as I arched my back and put his left ear in between my teeth.

His wet lips trailed from my neck to the bottom of my chin to my lips. He kissed me as he slowly inserted himself into me. The only other man that had been inside of me was Rios, so it hurt just a little, but as quick as the pain came, it left and I felt pleasure again.

I let go of his lips and threw my head back, letting silent whimpers slip out of my mouth as he pumped in and out of me. “Gq..” He kissed my neck, leading up to my chin. Locking his eyes with mines, he began picking up the pace. 

Since I hadn’t had any in a month, I was close to my climax. My breathing picked up and my moans were coming out in pants, and Gq knew it because he slowed down.

Flipping us over, he sat on the couch as I straddled his lap. Looking down at him, I kissed his lips and put my hands on the top of the sofa behind his head. He placed both of his hands on my hips as I took my lips off of him and looked back as I started putting in work.

It seemed as if he hadn’t had a climax in a minute because after fifteen minutes of the position, I felt him beginning to tighten. I knew he could hold his, just like I could hold mines, but we were both nearing the climax we both needed.

As soon as I was about to climax, he picked me up and placed me down on the sofa as he slid out of me and jerked off and caressed me until we both climaxed together.

Laying on the sofa with my chest heaving up and down, I closed my eyes and placed my hand on my stomach. After the throbbing of my kitty stopped, I started thinking of what I just did... I did it with my manager.

My eyes shot opened, just to see Gq pulling on his draws. The big, brown eyes on him looked at my half-naked body before looking into my eyes and giving me a sly smile. When his eyes met mine, I realized why I did it. It was his eyes... something about his eyes had me completely drawn to him.

Crawling on top of me, he leaned in for a kiss but I stopped him. I hit him. I pushed him. I kicked him. I was throwing a temper tantrum. “Get the fuck off of me!” I yelled, beginning to cry.

I knew Gq well, but not that well. He’s nice, sweet, kind, ain’t never heard nothing bad about him. I didn’t know what he would do, having the advantage to go around and tell the public he did it with me. I also care about my career, and the publicity don’t give a fuck. Next thing I know, rumors about me being a hoe gon be going around. I broke up with Rios last month, and I bounced back fast... but it really was an accident. My hormones took over and his eyes had me in a stupid ass trance.

Not only was I caring about my career, I also cared about the friendship we established. I knew it couldn’t be a friendship like mines and Bobby’s, only because Gq liked me. It would have been a friends with benefits thing, and we could have possibly built something from there, but that’s out the picture now.

“Paris, chill the fuck out, shawty.” Gq argued, grabbing my hands and restraining them above my head. I kicked him in his stomach, but he didn’t loose my hands at all. Clutching his stomach, he groaned then placed his body in between my bare inner legs so I couldn’t kick him anymore.

My tears became thicker as they fell down my cheeks, “Let me go!” I screamed aloud, my voice cracking. I felt him release one of his hands that were holding my hands together, and then I felt the tip of his finger on my chin. He tried to pull it down so I could look at him, but I didn’t budge.

“Look at me, lil ma.” He said, his breath on me causing me to shiver. I sniffled and my tears came faster as I tilted my head down to look at him. His eyes were already on me, and when I looked at him, I couldn’t look away. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I couldn’t tell him what was wrong right then.

With my voice shaking, I said, “Take me home.” 

He shook his head, and continued to stare at me. “Hell nah, not til you tell me-” 

“Gq, please.” I begged him. Staring at me for a while longer, he released my hands and got off of me. Standing up after him, I grabbed my jeans from off the floor and pulled them on as he pulled on his sweatpants, not looking my way.

He went down the hallway and into a room as I pulled my boots on. I grabbed my undergarment and placed it in my purse while I walked to take my coat off of the racket. Wrapping it around my body, Gq came back into the living room wearing a hoodie, sweats, and some Jordans. He had his keys and phone in one hand and the same mad look that was on his face when he burnt his noodles was there again.

Gripping the front of his pants and licking his lips, he passed me and opened the front door, leaving me behind. I closed my purse and tied my belt around my waist as I stepped out after him, locking and closing the door behind me. Hearing an engine roar, I looked to see Gq already in his car and cranking it up. I walked down the stairs and made my way there, getting into the passenger seat.

He pulled out onto the main road and kept his eyes on it. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, but both of us kept quiet, lost in our thoughts.

His jaw clenched, so I knew his was mad. Mad because I wouldn’t tell him why I was mad. I would tell him eventually, but right now is just not the right time. I had to tell him soon, only because I didn’t need any attention rubbing off against us during video shoots. I didn’t want anyone knowing what we did. I just wanted to get it passed me... like it never happened.

I didn’t know where he was going, and I knew he didn’t know either. He had never been to Bobby’s house, and that’s where I was staying until I could get a house of my own. I kept quiet until twenty minutes of driving, he came near Bobby’s street.

My eyes were red and puffy, and tears still ran down my cheeks. I wasn’t in the mood for Bobby talking shit or replaying what went down at Gq’s house to him, so I thought of something. “Drop me off here.” I broke the silence, pointing to the street corner.

The way he was acting, I thought he was gonna stop the car and basically push me out, but he didn’t. Looking at me from the corner of his eye, he asked, “Why?”

“Please.” I simply said, not wanting to talk at all. I heard him take a deep breath in, then exhaled as he pulled up to the corner. Stopping the car completely, he took his keys out the ignition and I placed my hand on the door handle while his hand grasped my arm. “You know I ain’t finna let you go like that.”

I jerked my arm out of his hold and opened the door, but as soon as I opened it, I heard another one close. Hopping out of the car, I closed the door behind me, just to turn around and be face to chest with him. “Fuck you.” I said, looking up at him but not daring to look into his eyes. I passed him and started walking off but I didn’t get to far, as I felt him grab me by my waist and pull me onto his car. 

My back was against the passenger side door and he stood in front of me, placing both of his hands on the glass window behind my head and looking down at me. “Paris, tell me what’s wrong, baby. Cuh I know if I let you go nah, you gon steady duck my ass so yeen going nowhere til you tell me wessup.”

I hated the fact that Gq was doing this out in the public. Multiple people had already walked past us and looked, only because we were famous and you don’t see famous people nonchalant like we were everyday. “People are looking at us..” I said, reaching up and wiping away the tears from my face.

“Do I look like a give a fuck?” He asked, twisting his face up. “I don’t care, I do. The public are looking, taking pictures. You gon ruin my career, already got folks thinking that we got something going on.”  I said.

Looking at me for a while, he put his hands down then busted out laughing. Why he was laughing, I don’t know. He was laughing hard, showing off his top and bottom row of teeth. After a final chuckle, he looked at me again. “So, this what this about? Yo career? You don’t want muhfuckas thinkin some bad about you cuh you wanna keep yo career, huh? You a lil youngin, lil ma. You new to the game. To keep what you got goin on, you gon have to endure the lies, what the public gotta say. That’s how you have a career. If you ain’t appearing nowhere in the news, then you ain’t shit. I been thru it, everybody been thru it. To have a ‘career’, you gotta go thru it.”

I didn’t know what to say. After hearing what he said, I realized I was taking the fame over my head. I didn’t care about anything but my career, and other things are more important than that. Even though he was right about my career being the reason I snapped, it wasn’t the only reason.

After not replying, he smacked his teeth and turned to get back into his car. I turned around and opened the passenger side door and got in. He looked at me before starting the car and driving down the street.

“I stay here.” I said, pointing to Bobby’s house and smiling slyly when I didn’t see his car there. Gq pulled into the driveway, but didn’t completely stop the car.

I opened the door and attempted to get out, but he grabbed my wrist. “Look at me, Paris.” His voice making me shiver. I hated the weak spot I gained from him. I hated all the weak spots I had.

Slowly, but surely, I turned around and looked at him. Looking straight into his eyes, he stared right at me. “I like you, lil girl.. alot. I don’t know, shit, it’s just something about you. You said yeen looking for a relationship, and I respect that. I know what you been thru so I ain’t gon rush you. I don’t wanna hurt you neither, but I feel like I already did with what happened.. you know. It was a mistake, we was both just caught up in the moment.” He took a deep breath, “I just don’t wanna see you crying, lil ma. Shit sad, bruh.”

Being at a loss for words, I just bit the corner of my lip and nodded as he continued, “I know that career shit ain’t the only reason why you snapped on my ass, so I’ma fuck with your phone, aight? You wanna be alone, and I gotchu on that.”

“I’ll text you.” I finally said, preparing to leave out of his car. I just wanted to distance myself from him.

He brushed the tip of his fingers against my chin and my eyes landed upon his again. Placing a small peck on my lips, somehow it felt like something more than a peck. It was a spark.

I broke eye contact with him and hopped out of the car. Hugging my purse closely to my heart, I walked up the stairs to the house and placed my key into the door. Walking into the house, I heard the engine to the car start up, but I refused to look back. I was tired of him. I was done with him.

I went down the long hallway to my room. It was a nice, small sized room with the queen bed taking up half of it, but I wasn’t complaining. As long as I had somewhere to lay my head, I was good.

Dropping my purse on my vacancy, I sat down on my bed and slowly began taking off each piece of clothing and jewelry until I was naked. I went into my restroom and grabbed a scrunchie, tying my hair up as I turned on the shower water. After it heated up, I stepped in.

I took a thirty minute shower, and then got out, wrapping a towel around me as I went back into my room. I freshened up and picked out a black tank top and yellow boyshorts then put them on.

Crawling into my bed, I curled into a ball and wrapped my cover tightly around my body as I drifted off into sleep.

‘ “What are you doing with your life now, babygirl?” My daddy asked me as I sat in front of him, counting money.

I smirked at him, “Making a name for myself.”

He sighed, rubbing his worry lines with his index finger and his thumb. “This is not how I imagined you ‘making a name for yourself.’ While I was in jail, I fought for my life. If it wasn’t for you, Pookie, his wife, your mama, my mama, and Brook, I wouldn’t be living. You all are all I thought about while I was in there. I thought when I got out, my babygirl would be on headline news, ‘Ballet Dancer Takes Over.’ Not some video girl.”  

Rolling my eyes, I put my money down and looked at him. “Well, daddy, you’re just too late. Thank you for fighting for me or whatever, but your dream didn’t come true. I’m a video dancer and I love my job. At least one part of your dream came true, I still dance.”

“Do you even see what this video dancing shit is doing to you?” He asked me.

Groaning, I picked back up my money and continued to count. “Nah. I see myself as the same Paris.” I said, with a grin to my face.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at me, “No! You’re not! You see how you talking to me like I ain’t shit, like I just ain’t your father! The money and the fame got you messed up. It ain’t all about your career, respecting your family comes with the package, too. You know what else? When your mom and I gave you the birds and bees talk, you know what you said? ‘Well, I ain’t losing my virginity til I’m 67.’ Yes, I remember. Nah, look at you. Throwing your body around to these niggas who’s been in these hoes. Hoes with diseases. Life ain’t perfect. Ain’t shit perfect, you can’t have everything your way. I know the little time I’d been in your life, I raised you right, and if I didn’t, I know damn well your mama did. So, put all that gotdamn devil’s work down and show me some respect while you talking to me!” I could see the veins pop out of his neck and his eyes widened while he looked at me. My daddy never yelled at me, nor has he ever given me that look. I only seen him look like that when he was speaking on the phone or when Pookie got in trouble. 

I put the money down and covered my ears with my hands, “Daddy, stop yelling at me!” 

“If this is the only way you gon learn, hell nah! It’s been years, I know, I ain’t been able to catch up with you. All I wanted to do was come out of jail and see my daughter doing good. You know how many times your mama visited me and I asked about you? The first couple years, all I heard was something good. The years began to pass, and the compliments started downgrading. Now, I’m released and what I see on TV is my daughter on videos, magazines, BET, with her ass and breasts out. You think you gon find love that way? Maurice, that nigga the only nigga I know love you for sure. Even though he got shit to work on, he got a sweet spot for you, baby. You think he gon wanna wife a girl who show her goodies to the world?” I shook my head and continued to listen to my father. “Exactly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you, Paris, but now that I’m outta jail, you better be prepared.”

I put my knees into my chest and began crying. He was right.

“Babygirl, come here.”

I immediately obeyed my father. Standing up from where I was sitting on the floor, I walked over to his chair and sat sideways on his lap. He sat up straight and wrapped one arm around the back of my waist. “I love you, Paris. I want you to listen to everything I told you and change. Don’t change for me, though. Change for you.” 

I nodded and sniffled up tears, “I will.” I hugged him tightly around his neck, not letting him go. “I love you, daddy.” I mumbled into his neck.

Kissing the side of my head, he replied, “I love you, too, babygirl.” ’

Waking up from my dream, I sat up straight in my bed just to see it pitch black. I looked over at the clock to see it was 3:12 am. I don’t know. There’s something about that time. Whenever Maurice was around, I’d wake up at that time, but this time he was nowhere.

I looked to the side to see my phone vibrating like hell, so I picked it up and answered without looking at the caller I.D. “Hello?” I asked, my voice raspy due to me just waking up.

“You straight?” I heard Maurice’s voice on the other end of my line.

It seemed as if I immediately shutdown and I didn’t know what to reply. Just as I began thinking about him, he called. Why did he ask was I okay? Why was he even calling me at this time of the morning?

“Paris?” He questioned when I didn’t reply. Finally finding my voice, I cleared my throat. “Yeah.. I’m fine.”

I heard him yawn on his side before saying, “Aight.”

The scuffling of him about to hang up had me quickly replying, “Maurice, wait!”

Hearing more scuffling had me figuring he was putting the phone back up to his ear, “Huh?”

“I love you.” Was what simply slipped out of my mouth. I didn’t know why I said it, but I felt the need that I had to. I didn’t love him like he wanted me to, but I loved him the way I did, and that’s all that matters.

What followed after I said that was silence, then the beeping of the phone indicating that he had hung up. I wasn’t too surprised.. if I was in his shoes, I would have hung up on me too.

Putting my phone on the bed side table, I pulled my knees up to my chest as small tears began to fall out my eyes. Dreams with my father always brought tears to my eyes, and never having experienced a dream like this had me crying even more.

I had to change. 

Change for him.

Change for myself.