Chandler Riggs//Carl Grimes IMAGINES

~carl~

A savior.

That is what you have labeled yourself as for the last three years.

Negan.

The most feared person in your group. Your leader. After seeing what he has done to people over the years, you are glad to be so tight with him. He knew your father before the world went to shit, so now, with your father being dead, negan has been your Honorary father figure. You don't see him as a bad guy. Behind closed doors, he has a good sense of humor and is very family oriented, meaning he protects you with his life. the terrible things he does is all part of survival, you understand that.

At 18 years old, you have seen your fair share of gruesome scenes. You wish the world wasn't this way, but you have accepted the fact that this is how it is now. It's kill or be killed, as generic as that sounds, it's true. You had to kill your own sister. She went mentally insane after a few years, back when you were with a different group at a prison. It was hard, putting her down in her sleep. You don't cry when you remember the moment you inserted the blade into the side of her skull. You feel a sense of relief and you have convinced yourself that it is okay to feel that way. She doesn't have to live in this world anymore. She is at peace.

Your brother on the other hand, is a different story. The morning after putting down your sister, he was furious. You had never seen him so angry. And he took his anger out on someone who meant the world to you. Someone who you still, to this day, remember, even after three long years.

Carl grimes. 

Your brother attacked him, beat him to within an inch of his life. Your bother believed it was Carl's idea to put down your suffering sister, all because Carl was at your side when it happened. Your brother at the time was 19, and you and Carl were only 15, it was easy for your brother to dominate Carl and pin him. Carl's father, you don't recall his name anymore. you can hardly remember his face. His father was the unelected leader of the group. He killed your brother... With your consent. Your brother had always had anger issues. It was best he wasn't in situations that put other people in danger of him. 

Carl grimes.
You remember his face. As hard as it is to remember him. He was young, his face covered in light brown freckles. The way his hair had just started to grow out, it came just above his eyebrows and swept to the right. The ends of his hair flared out slightly on the sides. He wore his fathers sheriffs hat practically everywhere. You remember teasing him, calling it his cowboy hat, he would argue otherwise. It always cast a shadow over his eyes. His eyes. They were a light, piercing shade of blue. Over time, it became your favorite color. You remember looking into them as he would tell you "everything would be okay"

Now days, you accepted the fact he was dead. You were okay with it. Although you knew you shouldn't be. You wish he could still be here to console you through everything, to hold you tightly and twirl your hair around his finger like he once did long ago. But unfortunately, he probably died a gruesome death. Ripped apart by biters, killed by a group of wild dogs, starved to death or attacked by a group of crazed men.

You loved him, as insane as it was to love somebody who probably died a couple years ago, but you did. And you never really got the chance to have anybody else to replace Carl. The men in your group are older, 30 years and up. Although, it hardly phased you. Carl was not really a person in your mind, but an idea. A figure of hope.

Nothing really bothered you anymore. You shrugged your shoulders at the world in a way. "Shit happens, can't change it." That's your motto.

***
"Y/n, you comin'?" Negan asks you, adjusting his leather jacket.

"What's this place called again? Alexandra?" You ask, tightening the laces on your black combat boots.

"Alexandria." Negan corrects. "But we aren't going there. Those fucks are comin' for us." He chuckles a deep low chuckle. "If only they knew that I'm about to beat the fuckity fuck out of them. Their heads will spin so fast, they might fall off." He smirks.