To Live Without Love

Part 2

To Live Without love pt2~

It wasn't to long after I lost her that I realized how truly lonely I was. The night's and the morning's would pass by but no matter how many times I've seen the bright glow of the moon or the sunray's of the sun, i'd still remain dead inside. Everything that once made me happy now makes me unhappy because I know there will be no more morning's or long nights with El. No more curious questions or eyes to look into, no more soft hugs and warm kisses, no more air in her lungs. Everyday would pass by and it would always be the same, so long,so hurtful and so many reasons to die. She made my life mean something and it's not fair that she had to sacrifice herself to save me. The way she turned around to look at me and her soft voice when she said "Goodbye Mike.." its always repeating in my head. I remember how scared she used to be of the bad people finding her. I remember holding her so close to me just telling her that everything was gonna be okay and now i'm just supposed to live without every doing that again as if it was some sort of tease, as if it was only for a short while. Its December 31st the day when kids are supposed to be excited about getting up and opening their presents but me I just stayed downstairs in the basement wrapped in the blankets El always slept in. Breathing in the scent of vanilla that she always wore once I stole it from my sister's dresser. It always fit her so nicely,her warm smile,her beautiful eyes and the scent of warm vanilla. On this day I wrote her a song, a song that I was hoping to sing to her but now ill never be able to. I have never been so desperate for anything in my life but I am so desperate for her to return. The days that go by and the nights that linger for only a short while, mean nothing anymore. I remember some nights when my parents were sleeping we would sneak out and id bike her around town and she would be smiling, lifting her head up to feel the fresh air and holding onto me. She would tell me these stories and they always made me smile, these stories they were magical. We would stop every once in awhile and I'd lay my bike in the grass and walk up next to her and then id grab her hand. She'd look at me with tears in her eyes and seeing her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears caused me to cry. The moonlight reflected beautifully in her eyes...the way it would outline the iris of her eye was so beautiful. I miss her.....I miss her so much!!!!!! maybe....maybe I should just leave too.