To Live Without Love

Part 6

To Search For Her~

There has been a chain of pain,overwhelmingly unstoppable. I have wished to change what happened and make it so I vanished but no matter how much I cry,bleed and scream there is no rewinding. Time now is passing by like an airplane in the sky,its there,its loud but then it leaves and then its gone. I have wanted nothing more then to be over this but seeing her,feeling her,holding her and kissing her in my dreams all make it impossible to move on and it makes it impossible to loose hope that she's out there. El was strong enough to save my life,and she was and is the most amazing person i've ever known. When I standing above the quarry I knew what I was doing and what would happen if I jumped but El was gone then too and I wanted to do what she did for me to save someone else's life but instead she came back and saved mine. I had an amazing journey with her and if she is still out there that journey will continue Im going to find her and i'm going to bring her home. She has to be alive! she has to be!! she cant just die like that for me!! she cant just vanish into thin air and be trapped in the upside down for me! none of this....none of this should have happened and I beg to go back and change it. El was lost...cold and afraid. She didn't deserve any of this! she didn't deserve to be a test subject nor did she deserve to have these abilities....She deserves the world in the palm of her hands so why....why was it all taken from her. If she is gone then that means that I don't get to take her to the snowball, it means that i'll never marry her one day or have a family with her. It means that the most amazing person in my life will never breathe again. Our last moments together weren't the best moments but at least I was with her...she told me to promise her and I did but when me,lucas and dustin were to weak to fight the demogorgon she got up and pushed me away. She looked back and me and said "Goodbye Mike" as if she knew that this whole time it would have to be her life to save others....this whole time...what if she knew she was the only one who could stop it.....was she afraid because she didn't wanna die?....is that why she messed with our compasses that day..is that why she tried to stop us from finding the gate.......is that what this all means.....did she know.....what does this all mean and why did it have to be her. When we kissed I felt her lips, so soft and so warm and the way her nose felt against mine. I felt happy,calm,peaceful and safe, like nothing bad was going on and for a second I had forgotten about the upside down and the demogorgon and was only focusing on her and the way her eyes looked and how pink her cheeks were. If El is gone and if we never find her then I will have no choice but to move on but i wont take anyone else to the snowball because El is the only one I wanted to go with. i wanted us to have this dance and id rather die then go with someone other then her. She is the only one and always will be so i wont give up. I'll keep searching for her...we all will.