Lord of The Things: An RIFT parody PART ONE

Lord of the Advertisements

"heheheheheh... heh!!" Bilbo's invisible pattering footsteps made it's way up the front porch of his cozy Hobbit hole of Bag End.. as he pattered to a halt.. The door opened and shut, as the invisible hobbit walked in, before suddenly reappearing in a flash.

Bilbo chuckled as he tossed a little pink Gekota finger puppet and caught it.

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"WAIT A SEC!!" Lucy stammered. "Did.. you just replace the One Ring.. with.. GEKOTA!? What is this? Lord of the Gekotas?!"

"I actually don't mind this story change.." Mikoto muttered, blushing.

"Will you let me read on?" said Twilight Prankster. "Yeesh these interuptions..

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"Feeling fond of yourself? Aye!?" Happy appeared suddenly next to Bilbo, looking stern, holding his staff. "There are many fangirl items in the world, none of them to be taken lightly.. especially not the Shirtless Sasuke figurines!.. and the very feminine Marik Ishtar figurines.. dear god he's so feminine yet lovable by all women!!"

(MisakaLovesYou: "Eheheheheh.. Marik..You're fabulous...")

"Oh come on Happy! it was just a bit of fun!" said Bilbo. "Though, you're probably right.. as always.. except for your opinion on the God Father.

"HEY!" said Happy. "Come on!! Not EVERYONE has to like that movie! I just didn't care for it!"

"THAT MOVIE WAS AWESOME YOU BLIND KITTY!!" Bilbo roared back. "Ehem.. right.. anyways.. I think I best be going.."

Bilbo grabbed his large pack and walking stick which were by the door.

"And.. everything.. goes to Mikoto right?" said Happy.

"Yes.. all of it.. it's in the will." said Bilbo.

"And the hot tub?"

"Yes yes.. that too.."

"And the dolls?"

"THEY'RE NOT DOLLS! THEY'RE ACTION FIGURES!!"

"And the magazines..?"

"WHAT! THERE AREN'T ANY PLAYBOY MAGAZINES UNDER MY BED!!" Bilbo screamed frantically. "YOU'RE WRONG I SAY!! PLEASE DON'T LOOK UNDER MY BED!! THERE'S.. uhh.. MOLD!!!"

Happy stared at Bilbo. He was pointing a paw at a respectable stack of magazines called "Middle Earth Times." stacked in the corner.

"Oh.. right.. eheh.. forget what I just said." said Bilbo. "Well.. I guess I best be off."

"You left the Pink Gekota right?" said Happy.

"yeah yeah.. it's right there on the Mantle Piece..

Happy nodded, and went to go check the mantelpiece.

"Oh wait.. no.. it's.. right here.. in my pocket.." Bilbo muttered, taking the finger puppet out of his pocket. "odd.. I.. almost didn't know... then again.. why shouldn't I keep it?"

"You agreed to give it to Mikoto." said Happy. "Is it really so hard to give away?"

"No! Well.. yes.." said Bilbo. "Cause.. if I give it away, I won't have a complete set when I collect more!! And then how will I ever face the buddies at Momocon then!?"

"Momocon!?" said Happy. "Bi-Bilbo..!? You're starting to sound like.. an Otaku!"

Bilbo clutched the finger puppet. "It's my collectable.. my very own.. My Precioussss.."