Gone ✹ Jaspar

One

"Joe? Joey? Babe, wake up... I know you're depressed..." Caspar spoke from outside of Emma's bedroom door. "I just want to talk to you.. I know.. It's my fault. I couldn't find them.."

"It's not your fault," I cried.

"I tried..." He whispered.

"I know.."

/

It had been a year and five months. Dillon and Emma were missing... The police presumed they had been killed, and took their time on finding the criminal who kidnapped and murdered them... If they hadn't already died while lost. The school was shut down completely after health inspectors found it an unsafe place of learning, and Mz. Clancy was taken in for questioning. They thought she was the culprit.

I didn't hate Caspar for not finding the kids... I just wished he'd found them. My life had spiraled into a black hole of despair. Jordan and Jacob had just turned four, and they were excited to start school.

"Dad?" I heard a voice say. "Is he going to come out?"

"I don't know, Jordan.." Caspar sighed. "He's still shaken up.."

"Big Sissy?" Jacob said, falling to the floor of the corridor. "Is he sad about Sissy?"

"Yes... He's sad about Sissy..."

It hurt to hear my sons cry over the disappearance of their now ten year old sister. It hurt nearly as bad as the aching pain in my stomach from a lack of eating, but why eat when I don't know if my only daughter, my pride and joy, my best friend... is out there, still alive, and eating well. I'd rather starve than watch her starve or know she's hurt.

Each day, Caspar would sit outside the door, waiting for me to come out. I knew it wasn't healthy for me to constantly be sobbing over the incident or stay in her bedroom, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't muster enough courage and strength to walk out of that bedroom.

/

"Joe, we need to move on with our lives..." Caspar whispered through the door, late that night. "I know.. I sound like a horrible person for saying such a thing, but staying in this depressive state is not going to help Jordan and Jacob get through this.. Jacob constantly asks about when his big sister is going to come back home, and it hurts me, too... It does, but I have to tell them that I don't know.. I need my partner in crime."

I couldn't respond. Something came over me, causing me to stop crying in an instant, but I was unable to speak the right words to make him feel better. I had been locked away in my tearful solitude since May, and it was now October. Caspar sang Happy Birthday to me through the door on my birthday until I finally opened it, but I didn't let him in.

What's coming over me? I push people away, and for what? Do I want them to feel the pain I feel by losing my daughter?

The never-ending suffering pained me with every move I made. Knowing whether or not Emma was dead would have helped me live, but I was doomed to a death of the unknown.

/

"Joe.." Caspar said. "I miss you... You haven't opened the door since your birthday, last month. I need your warmth.. I lay in bed, so cold.... so alone... Your side of the bed has been empty for far too long."

"Do you think she's dead?" I finally spoke.

"What?" He answered as I sat against the door.

"Do.... You think.... She's dead?" I hesitated.

"I don't know what to believe.. Joe, do you think she's dead?"

"I don't want to believe."

"Can I please see my beautiful, smiling husband?" I slowly opened the door. "Joe?" I flung the door open and threw myself into his arms. "You need to eat.."