When Following Your Heart (GxG)

When she changes

Carmen

I can't really remember when it started but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't know why. She kissed me. She gave me the most tender and passionate of kisses. Words cannot even explain how amazing it was. She was; but then she changed. Everything changed. She used to call me and come visit me at work. Not anymore. When I went to her job she was always "in the back" or "she had off today". At least thats what they would say. I hadn't seen her in two weeks and my head was spinning. I thought things were going great.

As usual on Saturdays I was here at Little Lucy's Coffee House not surprised to see Alex was not here. I didn't even bother asking where she was. Mark gave me a sympathetic smile as he handed me my cup.

As I scanned the room I found Sam on her laptop in a corner. I decided to join her and see if she could maybe help out.

"Hey Sam, mind if I sit with you?" I asked. She looked around the room almost hesitating before saying yes. I sat down silently as she looked at the screen in front of her not really knowing what to say. 

"So... is everything okay with Alex. I think she's avoiding me..." I blurted out.

She looked up at me with sympathy before closing her laptop and giving me all her attention.

"Im guessing she's disappeared on you. Stopped calling and showing up?" She asked plainly.

All I could do was nod.

She continued, "Well i'm going to tell you a little story about a girl named Sara. I will tell you this once and we will never speak of her again. I should really let Alex tell you but I know she won't." She shook her head and adjusted herself to be more comfortable and I did the same anxiously waiting.

"Okay so i'm sure you assumed by now that Sara is Alex's ex. Sara was a dream come true for Alex. Her first real relationship. They met at UCONN playing on the women's soccer team. They were inseparable and completely obsessed with each other. When Alex lost her parents Sara was there for her. She had started getting some really bad drinking habits and started partying on a weekly basis. She was a mess. Sara tried to help her get back on her feet and figure her life out but Alex pushed her away. She just sat constantly wasted sulking in grief. She got nasty and rude with Sara and all the girl did was try to help.  Eventually Sara quit. Her last words to Alex were 'come find me when you're ready.' Alex somehow graduated college and came back home and Sara fell off the face of the earth. We never heard anything else about her."

"Alex eventually got her life back together. The soccer team had a little reunion about a year later and when they saw each other Sara was dating one of the other players. One that Alex particularly didn't like. Then she found out that the two had been dating well over a year. They were dating while Alex and Sara were still together. I had never seen Alex so hurt. Even when she lost her parents. Thank God she didn't go back to drinking or anything but she did change a lot. She never got into another relationship after that. She tried but people always used her because everyone around here knows how wealthy she is. She kept everyone at a distance because she felt like either they were disgenuine or they would cheat. She didn't allow herself to feel for anyone."

"And then you came along. When she kissed you the other night it felt just as real to her as it felt when she kissed Sara. Real sparks, real emotion, and all the things that she is afraid to let herself feel again. She's running because she's scared. I don't know how you can convince her to feel other wise but I hope you do because I think you would be good for her."

She finished with a sad look in her eyes and I was almost speechless. This was a lot to process. I could understand Alex's pain. In fact I imagine I would be the same if I found out I was cheated on during one of the worst moments of my life. But I am not Sara. If i'm unhappy I will leave, no need to cheat.